


Light my Fire

by loveplease



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU, Aged up characters, Alternate Universe where no one is hurt and we're all friends, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flirting, M/M, Mild Language, Peaceful Twilight Town, Probably not good, Romance, Sex Work, Slice of Life, alcohol use, bi/pan reader, fem reader - Freeform, lots of flirting even though it may be bad, my first ao3 fic so be gentle, no darkness bullshit, nothing traumatic, reference to past sexual stuff, shoot your shot y'all, slightly concealed past, slow-ish build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2020-10-14 11:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 62,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20600348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveplease/pseuds/loveplease
Summary: You're a twenty-something year old girl who decides the best cure for your incessant boredom is to uproot your life and move to Twilight Town.Love is probably the furthest thing on your mind, but you're a hopeless flirt who never passes up an opportunity to swoon over whatever beauty catches your eye.Especially one with unrealistic red hair.





	1. but sometimes girls just want to have fun

**Author's Note:**

> lmao idk what i'm doin y'all we're gonna see where this goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _baby remember, I'm not drinking wine,  
but that cherry coke you serve is fine_
> 
> Motion sickness, tequila, and bees.

It wasn’t like you weren’t accustomed to traveling, accustomed to moving from one place to another without looking back. But… this one hurt for some reason. This one left an awful sting in your heart and in the back of your throat. You never thought you’d actually manage to leave the town you once called home. Your dream of leaving awash in lonely nights spent with lonely people, you felt like you were rotting. That’s what led you to the train you were sitting on now, the apartment you found online and an email to the manager of the building stating you didn’t even want a walkthrough, you’d take it. Sending your first payment in and making sure all the furniture had arrived before you got there. Your thirst for a new, “normal” life, to let your old life die, feeding the hunger to leave everything you had known behind and begin something entirely different. 

Now you were locked in a five and a half hour battle between what hurt more; your stomach or your heart. Trains had never been your thing, nor many moving vehicles that weren’t under your control. And your incessant strain of nausea as you rode the train to what you’d call your new home plagued you to the point where the heavy homesick feeling that pained your heart paled in comparison. Not that you could call the last place you lived a home really, but you pushed those thoughts away by pondering if it would it be worth it to barf on the old lady snoring in the seat next to you. You checked your phone; absent-mindedly fiddling with apps that didn’t work until however much time passed and the conductor announced you’d be arriving at your destination soon.

Twilight Town.

You liked the ring of it. You thought it sounded like something out of a cute Disney film, and then you couldn’t tell if your heart hurt again at the thought you’d now moved almost 7 hours away from home or if it was the thought of being little again and watching Disney movies at wrapped in an array of fuzzy blankets.

_I’m gonna fucking cry or puke if I don’t get off this train soon._

++

At 4:27 pm exactly the train pulled into the Twilight Town station and, god, you had never exited a vehicle so fast in your life. Much to the annoyance of the other passengers you had grabbed all of your luggage while the train was still moving but as you said to yourself, that speeding deathtrap was going to be flooded with vomit if you didn’t get out onto unmoving ground.

The town was _actually_ pretty fucking cute once you had a second to look around. The faint smell of ocean hit you, mixed with the sweet smell of summer flowers. It was quaint, you could see the edge of the town from over the bridge, but that’s what you wanted. A little world of your own, bathed in the glow of the sun. You shuffled yourself away from the train station, struggling to carry your mass loads of luggage, but you had too many cute outfits and makeup to sacrifice all of them, so 6 bags it was. <strike>Designer, of course.</strike>

The struggle to your apartment was so, so bad. Stopping a grand total of 4 times to ask where the fuck this building was. But you finally reached it. The tour around the town was nice though, and if you hadn’t been carrying your body weight in bags you surely wouldn’t have minded getting lost here, but nothing beat finally stepping foot into your apartment and dropping all your shit on the floor.

It was cute, just as cute as the town. A nice building painted in sunlight, taller than it was wide, and your space located on the third story. Which was also a pain in the ass to drag your luggage up to, but you were thankful you paid the extra money to have the furniture company place everything in the room for you. You would have died doing it yourself.

One bedroom, cream colored walls in every room of the apartment, except the bathroom, which was a pastel orange, and you loved it. The bathtub; a massive clawfoot tub, screamed at you to jump in it,a promise you made to yourself for later. The whole apartment had that subtle vintage feel, lacy white curtains, big ass windows, and the cutest breakfast nook you already daydreamed about drinking coffee and reading terrible Twitter articles at.

You desperately wanted to unpack but you were so starved that the idea almost made you as nauseous as the train ride here. First order of business was getting yourself some food before you could even **hope** to unpack. Your mirror could have potentially cracked when you looked into it but shaking your hair out of its ponytail and putting on a little lip gloss actually did wonders. You didn’t quite look as haggard as before, wanting to somehow make a good impression when you went out into public in a new town for the first time. On who? You had yet to find out.

You also tried your hardest to not look like a tourist when you were walking around. But you literally had your phone GPS out and took pictures of cool looking buildings to come back to later when you had more time. You were leading yourself to some bistro that had the best reviews of places to eat. It looked a little pricey online but you decided that was just fine for your first meal you’d treat yourself to. You smelled the place before you saw it, but it was hard not to, the place was massive and had so many people surrounding it. It was in what looked like the central part of town, too. Super busy with people but not in an obnoxious sort of way, in a cool bigger-town-than-the-town-you-came-from kinda vibe.

Le Grand Bistrot.

The bistro had a chill atmosphere too, inside and outside dining, and of course you told the cute host that you’d definitely prefer to sit outside, mostly so you could stare at him but also so you could enjoy the gorgeous sunset overhead. It was relaxing, you took a moment to breathe in the sweet smells coming from the bistro that mixed with that still ever faint smell of ocean in the distance.You took a second to breathe, and let the excitement hit of how cool this actually was. Saving up your own money, getting your own place, your own train ticket, doing all this by yourself. Way fucking cool.  
What would have been even cooler was if you could understand half of the food on the menu. It was all in French, and granted you understood some of it, but you wanted to be able to fully get it, lest you would surely accidentally order something you fucking hated. Your phone came in handy once again, searching what some of these words met, making sure you had pictures to look at as well, for reference.

“You’re new here?” A voice snapped you out of your mini lesson on French cuisine and you looked up at the source.

She was like an angel. Slender, tall, with killer lips and this blue hair and blue eyes that captured your attention so hard it drowned out the rest of what she was saying. So you both just kind of awkwardly stared at each other until the raging hot blush creeping across your face made you look down at your menu.

Pretty girls always did this shit to you.

“I, uh… I’m not familiar with what’s on the menu, so... what would you suggest?” You fought to look back up at her but when you saw those beautiful lips tug into a smile you forced your head back into the menu. “That’s cliche, huh? Asking the waitress what to order?”

She giggled. She totally giggled. You gave yourself a mental pat on the back because even though you were being so awkward right now, on top of looking disgusting, you made her laugh. She leaned down a little closer to you to peer at the menu with you, and you thought for a second you’d die. She pointed to a few dishes, saying what customers liked or what food sold best on what days. It was hard for you to focus so you agreed on the last thing she said, telling her it sounded good and applauding her on her wonderful French pronunciations.

“Alright.” She jotted your order onto her notepad. “You want a drink or anything? If you’re new I always recommend the blueberry mojito. It’s the bartender’s specialty.” She could make anything sound tantalizing. She winked before jotting that down and taking your menu before she left.

A few hours into town and you already had the hots for the waitress at the fancy bistro in town. You sighed into your hands, pushing your hair away. You glanced back at the host who was seating more guests, then to the entrance of the bistro where your waitress had disappeared to.

_Is everyone who works here hot as fuck?_

  
Your question to that was answered with a heavy “yes” when you caught sight of your waitress leaning around the corner. She was talking to someone, holding what you assumed was your drink in her hand. The guy she was talking to towered over her in height, slender build, wrapped nicely in an outfit that matched everyone else’s who worked at the restaurant. You assumed he was maybe the bartender. But what stood out the most about him was his hair. It occurred to you that maybe people in this town share tips on what’s the best brand of dye to use to achieve absolutely radiant hair. His was a piercing red, as piercing of a color as your waitress’ blue hair. He had it pulled back into a low bun, but you could tell that it would cascade down his shoulders when he let it out.

_Fuck._

They were both looking your way, you waitress nonchalantly pointing over to you and the red-head leaning a little further out to take a look at you. You did your best to act like you had your head down at your phone, concealing the glances you gave every few seconds to try and decipher what the hell they were talking about.

A few moments later a glass was neatly set on a coaster in front of you, and you were once again met with the smile of the bistro goddess.

“Bartender said he made it extra special for you.” She waited. Probably for you to take a sip and make sure you liked it. Glass to your lips, eyes locked with hers, and it honestly felt like a little taste of heaven went down your throat.

“Good, yeah?” She saw your eyes widen after you swallowed so of course she knew your answer.

“Honestly this is, what I would think the best drink I’ve ever had.” You took another sip, then turning into a gulp not only because you were genuinely thirsty but because you thought maybe the alcohol could help you loosen up a bit more around the cast of the most beautiful restaurant workers you had ever seen.

“I’m so glad! Okay I’ll go grab your food, be right back.”

And of course the meal was just as heavenly. You were sure it was good and not just the fact you downed the drink before you food even came out. Alcohol and an empty stomach was an excellent choice, because you were definitely (not) drunk by the time your food came out. But you digress, the food was delicious. And when your waitress came to bring you your check, you stopped her before she could say anything, a little more confidence pumping through your veins.

“How did you know I was new? You’ve never met me before.”

There was that giggle again that fucking sends you.

“That’s _how_ I knew. Everyone comes here, and even if there’s a person who hasn’t been here they still know the menu. It’s a smaller town than you think, everyone knows everyone.”

Another rush of confidence. “Well...then I should introduce myself.” You gave her your name and she smiled.

“I’m Aqua.” Of course her name was Aqua, why wouldn’t it be? Everything about her was so perfect and in place that even her name was perfect for her. “And, I should add, our dearest bartender here paid for your entire meal.” She set down your check, showing that in fact, everything for you was covered.

You just stared for a moment. The red-head maybe? He paid for your meal? You were almost too shocked to even vocalize how grateful you were, shaken out of your stupor when Aqua started to take your plates away, warm grin on her face as she did.

“Tell them I said thank you! Please…” Struggling a little bit on how to convey your thanks without sounding overly lame. “I appreciate the kindness.”

Aqua picked up your plates and walked away, not without giving you a final wink. You figured you couldn’t bear to sit down any longer because you were too overstimulated at this point. Alcohol, good looking bistro workers, and your meal (that wasn’t cheap) being unexpectedly covered. You pulled out your wallet and left a gracious amount of munny on the table, as a tip for the bistro goddess and the bartender who you’d have to come back to properly thank when you...weren’t so tipsy of 3 blueberry mojitos.

The warmth and stumbly feeling subsided thankfully on your walk home, your walk home that had a few stops and maybe a detour or two so you could catch the first glimpse of stars coming out and watch the last few trains leave the station. Pretty to look at, not pretty to be on.

You shed your clothes as you stepped into the bath you ran for yourself, applauding that you managed to hang the majority of clothes in your closet and set your bedding up despite your fit of giggles that would occasionally creep up on you.  
You thought of the best way to repay cute bartender for paying for you. Should you just go back to order a bunch of drinks and give him a big tip? Should you just not overthink it and wait until you (casually) happen to go there again to thank him? What if the redhead you saw wasn’t even the one who paid for your meal, and it was some other, far less attractive bartender? Cringe at the thought.

Back home you would have never been so flustered. Flirting was your specialty then, it was how you thrived. Drinks, coffee, dinner, even rent paid for by others, easily. But alas, that part of your life was now over, something you were not entirely ready to forget about, but ready to move on from.  
You attributed your ability to get easily flustered though by the new atmosphere and bistro straight out of heaven you had found yourself at earlier.  
You sighed as you slid further into the bathtub. The warm water playing with the last bit of dizziness dancing in your head. You needed to look for a job while you were here, maybe going back to the bistro and asking about places hiring would be a smart idea.

You settled into bed after your bath. Thankful that you could sleep in a little tomorrow after a long day of travel and hottie over-stimulation.  
However, sleeping in was not what you body had apparently planned on but at least if you were up at 7:30am you could have more time in your day. You attributed the early wake to the time zone difference and your increasing elation over being in a totally new area. Now that you were well rested the excitement was definitely hitting you head on.

You had a new sense of freedom. A new sense of self. You were in a whole new place, not knowing anyone, and you could really do whatever you wanted. Like go talk to Aqua again and maybe figure out some places to apply at for jobs. You wondered what the job market was like here, you envisioned yourself waitressing also, or maybe a small cafe on the edge of town.

Taking the time to actually get ready today, you brushed out your hair, put on a bit of makeup and a little black sundress. Hoping to maybe catch the attention of someone needing a worker or a red-headed bartender who so kindly paid for your meal yesterday.

++

Down town was busy this afternoon. Kids running around, shops bustling with people. You had a good view of the bistro from where you were walking and you could see it was decently busy there too. You figured that place was probably always busy since it was the top rated place to eat in Twilight Town.

There was a small billboard downtown that had random assortments of postings. People selling articles of furniture, upcoming events in town, and a few job listens here and there. Dog groomer, babysitter, all pretty banal things that really didn’t stand out to you in the least.

Another glance at the bistro.

_I could spare some time to have lunch while I think about my job prospects._

“Back again today?” The host said as you walked up. He smiled this daydreamy, warm kind of smile that almost hurt you to look at. His eyes were an even warmer shade of blue that made it hard to look at anything else.

“I...yeah. I was wondering if there was a spot at the bar I could sit at?” You tried to compose yourself a little.

Host boy leaned back a little, peering inside the restaurant from the open door.  
“Go right ahead, miss.” He smiled again. TKO.

You led yourself inside the restaurant. A wash of delicious smells hit you, and you contemplated actually buying food instead of just going in to buy drinks at not even 12:30 in the afternoon.

It was sooo nice inside this place. Sleek and stylish, but cozy and well-ran. A menu was slipped in front of you while you were looking around. It took you by surprise a bit, a dizzying flash of red in front of you when you faced forward.

Just who you wanted to see.

“How’s it goin’?” He was smirking as he set the menu down, making direct eye contact with you. You could die.

He was 100 times more stunning up close. His eyes were the perfect shade of green, complimenting his fiery red hair, this time pulled back into a low pony, some locks running over his shoulders as he spoke to you. His voice made you want to melt. The confidence dripped from him, it was too much. You needed alcohol in you, stat.

Deciding it was maybe best to wait to ask if he was the one who paid for you yesterday, you ordered a drink and tried to make casual conversation. The bar itself wasn’t too busy, which you were thankful for because it gave you the chance to get to know the redhead better.

“It seems like it gets really busy here.” You leaned over the counter in your seat a bit. He looked over at you while he was drying off some glasses.

“Most of the time. Weekends are the craziest.” He smirked again, eyeing you take another sip of your tequila and grapefruit. What you described as a “nice way to start off the day”,he laughed.

He tended to a few other customers while keeping slim conversation with you. It made you feel a little special though, how after every couple minutes or few drinks he made he would wander his way back to you to keep talking.

Topics never got to deep or meaningful to be honest, boring shit like movies playing currently, if he liked the term “man bun”, and that you totally had that painting in the lounge of the restaurant hanging in your living room because you loved art from the Impressionism era. Something about Renoir’s paintings just made you feel like you “wanted to wear a massive sun hat and go to some fancy afternoon party bullshit” you explained.

He laughed again. Your cheeks felt hot.

“I bet you make good tips, huh?” You set your glass down on the coaster.

He set the glass he was drying down and walked over to you, slinging the towel over his shoulder as he crossed his arms in front of you.

“What makes you say that?”

You were gonna do it. You were gonna flirt.

“I mean bartenders always make good money, right? Plus you make great drinks, you’re nice to talk to,” another sip of your drink, “and you’re handsome.”

You could barely hear him chuckle after you said that, but you heard it. He turned around and started drying glasses again and this time you smirked because you either totally embarrassed him or you made a damn fool of yourself...which honestly was funny to you with the tequila finally starting to buzz through your veins.

You polished off the rest of your drink and sat there for a second. Bartender got drinks for another customer and their partner before coming back to you a few minutes later.

“I can’t let you attempt to keep flirting with me without knowing your name.” God that smirk would be the fucking death of you. Also, he’s calling your flirting a mere attempt?? What the fuck.

“First of all, this is not an attempt at flirting okay? I’m actually trying my best. Second, you have to tell me your name first.” You blew some loose strands of hair away from your face. “I’ve legit just been referring to you in my head as “bartender”. What the fuck am I even saying?

He put both hands on the bar and leaned down, he was immensely tall, and even with him leaning down closer to your level he was still… tall.

“The name’s Axel,” his green eyes burned into yours, “Got it memorized?”

“Axel…” You mouthed his name under your breath, tasting how his name felt rolling off your lips.

You told him your name. You also told him thank you, and when he asked what for you explained to him how he had paid for your meal yesterday, and you KNEW it was him. So, he deserved a whole-hearted thank you.

He seemed a little surprised, but he didn’t deny it.

“It’s the least I can do for the pretty new girl in town.”

You opened your mouth to say more, but a loud group of girls walked into the bar and all took a seat at the massive booth across from where you were seated. You turned to see one had a sash on. Birthday, you imagined. When you turned back Axel was already heading over there to drop off drink menus and take orders. You figured it would be a good time to leave.

You fished through your purse for some munny to pay for your drink, wanting to just quietly slip away now that Axel was preoccupied. You happened to pull out a gum wrapper on your expedition through your bag, and contemplated about writing your number down on it. Deciding to fuck it, you haphazardly leaned over the bar to grab a pen and in the most delicate handwriting you could muster in your flirtation and tequila induced high, you wrote your number down for him with a precious little “text me” next to it.  
You doubted he would text you but it was worth a shot.Then, you quickly exited the restaurant, Axel was still preoccupied with the mess of girls at the table to properly even see you go.

You buzzed with excitement. Checking your phone twice in the span of five minutes before feeling utterly idiotic because why would he message you so soon, when it was so busy? A fool you were, but most certainly a fool with high prospects. You had also successfully managed to get overly tipsy before nightfall the first two days you were here. You only imagined that Twilight Town was maybe some simulated area in which it was acceptable to get day drunk all the time, which you were more than happy to oblige.

But what were you to even do now? There wasn’t anyway you could continue your job search after havi-

_FUCK_

Your original plan was to go to the bistro to hint at work but you let a handsome bartender (and tequila) fuck up your plan. Couldn’t have been the first time. And as quickly as that thought came, you dismissed it with an oh well. There was always tomorrow, as good a time as any to job search.

For now, you’d go wander around town some more. You couldn’t just go home now, that’d be boring, especially with alcoholic warmth still coursing through you.

You found yourself wandering around the flower shops again. The cute florist was initially what caught your attention, followed by the collection of rhododendrons and lavender. You let your head dip down to smell the flowers, hair falling over your shoulders, cleavage spilling just a little, making sure to look up at the florist who was admiring you just as much as you the flowers. Their smile was so cheesy but you ate this up, batting your nicely extensioned lashes at them. You were about to say something outrageously floral and flirty but were sorely interrupted when a sharp yell coming from behind you increased in volume for about five seconds before you found yourself head first in the heap of flowers. Gasping heard all around you and you felt a terrible sharp pain in your back.

“Are you okay?!” A voice behind you, helping you stand up after you pushed yourself out of the mass of flowers around you. In theory, picking petals out of your hair certainly sounded romantic, and it surely would have been had they not gotten there from you being aggressively shoved by the person apologizing profusely to you. You gave them a once over after picking the last noticeable pieces of foliage from your hair.

He actually wasn’t half bad looking, and he bore an uncanny resemblance to the host at Le Grand Bistrot… almost too uncanny.

_Are they the same person?_ You couldn’t even really understand what other apologies he was spewing at you so you halted him with your hand up. You saw the skateboard in his arm and his free hand swatting at a bee that kept buzzing around his intensely spiked, blonde hair. His eyes… so blue, like that host. God, you really were in a simulation.

“It’s okay, I’m fine, honestly.” You offered a smile, even though the pain in your back grew more immense as time went on.

“I was just in a hurry, and this bee keeps following me, and my skatebo-”

You cut him off again, this time putting your hand on his shoulder. Your other hand swatted away the bee, and off it flew, your eyes never leaving one another. “Just watch where you’re going next time, okay?”

You turned to the florist, who was caught between half re-fluffing the flowers and half silently staring at the whole matter. Apologizing to them for the trouble and turned to walk off. To be quite frank you were embarrassed as all fuck, and wanted to leave immediately to avoid any further embarrassment. You had hoped you played it mildly cool, but did feel slightly guilty at not offering to help pick up the mess of flowers and potted plants that were totally fucked up from that collision.

Your walk, partial run, back to your apartment allowed you plenty of time to wonder when Axel would text you, who that blonde boy was, and why he was so shit on a skateboard.


	2. what you been up to my baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I haven't seen you 'round here lately_
> 
> Early 2000s, coffee, fake phone calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I attempt to get a little real in this chapter for you guys. I hope I don't bore you all with details for stuff, i want to create an emotionally realistic piece, and i do that by describing minute things. 
> 
> Sorry i talk so much!

Thinking over dramatically, especially when you were by yourself was your specialty. And right now, in the comfort of your own home blaring Britney Spears was on of those over dramatic moments. You attempted to find solace for your wreck of a mood by replying "Everytime" for the 30th time in a row. Her lyrics were really resonating you in this pitiful moment you were having. It had been days, honest to god days since you had given Axel your number at the bistro...and nothing. Not a text, or even a call. Your thoughts went to places like him thinking you were creepy, or desperate, or throwing your number away all together. Or that maybe some weirdo took your number before Axel could even see it… the anxiety welled up in you even more at that thought and you rolled over in your bed, shoving your head into your pillow.

Stuff like this didn't bother you normally. Interactions with people for you were always brief and short, so why did this particular one invoke this feelings in you? It was kind of all hitting you now, being in a totally new town, no friends, no one to go to. Completely alone. That made you feel a bit down. You had also changed your number before you moved, getting a new phone and everything, so it wasn’t like you could contact anyone to say hello. Not like you had anyone that would want to connect with you anyway.

The job search wasn’t coming along too nicely either. You had an interview at an art supply store, finding that maybe if you flirted with the nice gentleman he’d offer you a job. You smiled sweetly, and pushed your boobs up with your arms a little during the interview. It made you smile even wider when he stuttered a little, his eyes quickly flittering around your frame. His wife hadn’t smiled so much when the interview was done and she saw how red her husband’s face was. How were you to know that his wife co-owned the store with him?

You were persistent though, you weren’t going to give up that easily. You were someone who was easily bored and if you weren't going to continue to go out and try to connect with any beautiful person you stumbled upon, you needed a job. You took out your laptop and stared at the screen for a good 10 minutes. Your resume was...unimpressive to say the least. You only had one real job your whole life, and that was being a caregiver for a little old lady in your hometown.  
She was the sweetest, most important woman in your life, and you spent every moment you could with her. You helped her cook, clean, you even bought books for her that you’d thought she’d enjoy. She was the mother you'd never had, and the one person who actually made you feel like you had a heart.

Her garden was her prized possession. A jungle of flowers, fruit, and plants that radiated the warmth and kindness she gave to them, you felt like you could get lost inside it. She taught you how to tend to the flowers, what made them happy and the best time to pick the fruits from the tree. You laughed together as the peach juice dripped down your mouth and onto your shirt.

The laughter stopped when her tumor, thought initially benign, rapidly grew. Her health declined so fast, and suddenly spending every waking moment with her wasn’t enough. Her laughter was replaced with hard coughs, ending in her gasping for air. You sat at her bedside and continued to read to her, the color fading from her skin. Her once silver hair was now a dingy shade of grey, her eyes drooped, smile waned.

The day she passed you couldn’t even bring yourself to cry. She died next to you, asking you to read her your favorite poem once more. The sixth time that day. Her breathing stopped completely, and you sat staring at her for nearly an hour before you mustered up the strength called her family to let them know. You tried to change the pitch in your voice but it came out more emotionless than you felt at the moment. Her daughter was the only one who showed any remorse out of all the people you called, arriving almost as quickly as the EMTs.

You were invited to the funeral, but you declined. It was too painful. Still, you kept your face straight. No crying, no tears. Her daughter thanked you profusely for all the help you had done, hugging you endlessly and crying into your shoulder. She invited you for tea at her house after the whole event. She shared stories with you, and let you take some of her mother’s jewelry for you to remember her by. You thanked her as much as your lifeless body could, and when her handsy and depraved husband tried to pull you into his office on your way out, you gave him a blowjob, stole some munny from his wallet, and left.

The next day you burned your favorite poetry book in the fireplace of your house.

The day after that you packed up a few things and left your hometown. You allowed yourself to cry then, and only then. Just once.

++

A stroll around town was what you told yourself you needed. A week gone by now and no job, no Axel, no luck.

You kept yourself away from the bistro, telling yourself that there was plenty more in town that you could explore. More people you could meet. It was fine.

Flower shops kept your attention, going back almost every other day to smell them and touch them. Almost 8 bouquets littered your apartment, but who was counting? Flowers always made you happy.

You knew the florists’ all by name now, and they you. Greeting you immediately when you walked by. It was endearing really. You also got the chance to finally apologize to the florist who watched as you went headfirst into their flowers. His name was Locke, and you promised yourself if nothing worked out here, you'd date the fuck outta him. He was all too eager to speak to you again, telling you it was fine, kind of funny, but overall he was glad you were okay.

Spending a bit chatting with him about a medley of different topics, weather, the other shops, and of course flowers. You impressed him with your knowledge of different flowers, and he impressed you with his knowledge of things like all all the Billboard 100 hits from now to 6 years ago. You liked this guy.

You liked him even more when he offered you a job. You couldn’t help but admire the glimmer in his eye when you accepted almost immediately.

“Are you sure?”

He cocked his face to the side, just a little. “Yeah I’m sure!” He folded his arms and let out a small laugh. _Cute_. “When can you start?”

You smiled back, pushing a bit of hair behind your ear. “Whenever you’d have me.”

++

Luck was totally in your favor now. You forget about Axel not texting you, and instead focused your energy on what you’d wear to the first day of your new job. You loved the ring of that. You laid out a couple outfit ideas, thinking over each one carefully. Should you go for casual modest? Modest chic? Were any your outfits actually suited to be working in a flower shop? You onced over at your clothes. Mini skirts, crop tops, and little black dresses.

Shopping it was.

There was a nice little selection of boutiques scattered around town. There were a couple free-standing stores of brands you had recognized from back home or online, but you opted going for something locally owned. Support small businesses and all that.

The 4th boutique you went into was by far the most pleasant. The atmosphere just felt...adorable? You weren’t sure what that meant but that’s what you felt. Only somewhat successful so far, picking up a few things at the other shops, you had high hopes for this one.

The first few minutes you spent browsing at the collection of shoes by the front window.

“Wow, your hair is so long and beautiful.” The sweetest voice emerged from behind you. You turned to see the sweetest source of the voice.

Petite, short red hair, dressed totally in pink.

You grabbed at your hair out of impulse, swinging the loose strands over your shoulder. “Thank you. I haven’t cut it since I was 9.” You felt kind of proud at that fact, for whatever reason.

“Really!?” She took a few more steps forward towards you. “I cut my hair just recently, it was just kinda getting in the way, you know?” Up close you could see she had that same crystal shade of blue in her eyes as you had seen with so many others. Must be something in the water.

She also complimented you on how healthy your hair looked, mentioning you do trim it occasionally to keep it from splitting. Usually compliments made you feel so awkward, so you pretended to be courteous about them, but this girl just had such a genuine nature about her that you just wanted to pull her in for the biggest hug of her life.

“Sorry to pester you, you’re probably wanting to look around the store.”_ So she does work here_. “If you want to try anything on just let me know, okay?” She started to turn around but you quickly stopped her.

“Actually,” you began, “I start my new job tomorrow and I need some new clothes.”

Her face lit up with the most precious expression of joy and you almost melted there on the spot.

It was like one of those early 2000 chick flick montages where you’d jump out of the dressing room after every new outfit you’d put on to show your friends while some Spice Girls played in the background. 

Except you didn’t have any friends, only this boutique girl, and there was no Spice Girls playing only what you could describe as instrumental Rihanna covers.

She was sweet though. The store was dead so this girl spent a good hour and a half helping you try on different articles of clothing and shoes and listening to your story about why you would never wear orange ever again in your life. You could tell she had the patience of the saint, and you really did appreciate the help she gave you. She was that touch of modesty you needed in your life so that way you wouldn’t get sent home from your job on the first day for wearing too short of a skirt.

She told you her name was Kairi, and she worked at the boutique full time. She was the one who searched online for different suppliers of clothing to purchase from, so she knew the inventory very well since she meticulously searched for clothing almost daily. You found yourself mentally recruiting her as your fashion ally. You also appreciate the fact that the two times your nipple popped out and when you nearly fell over trying to pull a pant leg up she didn’t laugh. You really, REALLY appreciated that.

“Well I think I’m thoroughly shopped out of my mind now.” You smiled, reaching over the counter as Kairi finished bagging everything and handed it to you. “You’re the best, thanks for your help.”

She nodded, almost looking a little bummed out. “Thank YOU for giving me so much entertainment for the past couple hours… come back soon,okay?”

Oh my god was she sad you were leaving? This girl was way too adorable for her own good.

“Of course I will. If you want I can show you my outfit tomorrow."

"You'll come here before work?"

"Well, uh... I was just gonna text you a picture. We can keep in touch and whatnot." Why was this embarrassing to imply you wanted to exchange numbers?

You didn’t even see her grab her phone out, it was just magically in her hand. You gave her your number and she texted you right away so you could save her as a contact. You saved it as Kairi with a little heart next to it. She did the same by your name.

If you didn’t have all these bags in your arms you would have pulled her into a hug. Girls were too nice, it made your heart hurt. You thanked her again and left the boutique, starting your trek back to your apartment. New job AND new wardrobe. Today was a good day. You thought once more about Axel, and how maybe you should have asked for his number instead of leaving a little sketchy note of yours on the table.

_Oh well_. Nothing a heavy sigh can’t erase from your mind.

++

Your first day at the florist was nothing short of a disaster, naturally. It was a weekend so business was a little busier than usual, and of course one of the other workers called it out so it was just you and Locke tending to customers. You felt like you had been tossed to the lions but you heard someone say once before that getting thrown into the fray without any knowledge is the best way to learn. After having stabbed your hand on thorns more times than you can’t count and acquiring a questionable rash on your elbow, you had to say that you disagreed.

The bright side was the sweet customers you had that were quite patient with you as you struggled to cut some impenetrable ribbon to tie a bouquet. Ringing people out on the absolute ancient register system the shop used was a mess as well. Locke was sweet though, just as patient as the customers and a sure charmer. Anyone who wasn’t being tolerant of your learning got a wink and a sweet smile thrown their way to calm them down. And it worked every time. You liked how this guy operated.

On down time he tried to ask you about where you came from, which you didn’t really know if you were ready to disclose to anyone quite yet.

“Oh, it’s a small town hours away from here.” You changed the subject as quickly as you could. “So what’s your most popularly demanded flower?” You probably should think of some good lies about where you came from in the meantime if you weren’t ready to talk. You knew people would ask if they heard you recently moved here. 

You figured Locke wasn’t the type to pry so you were relieved when he just went along with your question. “If you mean besides the typical red roses, sunflowers are actually quite popular.”

“Really!?” You were excited. “Those are my favorite flower!”

“No joke?”

“Nope. Sunflowers and pink rhododendrun bouquets are just about the most adorable combination ever.” You lightly ran your fingers over the ribbon in front of you. You looked up to see Locke scribbling something in a little notepad by the register. “What are you writing?”

  
He wiggled his pen in your direction, smiling his goofy smile he did when he was being flirty with customers. “I’m writing it down so I know what kind of bouquet to prep for when we get married.”

“Locke, I know you just hired me but shut the hell up.”

You loved this job already.

++

**Wanna come out for coffee?**

The message lit up our phone as you were absent mindedly and unsuccessfully organizing the food in your fridge by levels of healthiness.

You still hadn’t gotten used to someone texting you so hearing the little text tone on our phone took you by surprise. Seeing it was a message from Kairi though made you smile, she really was so sweet. You looked to see the last exchanging of messages was from a few days ago when you sent her your work outfit as per her request. She had sent you an onslaught of little hearts in response and a **BEAUTIFUL** that just solidified her as your first real friend here in Twilight Town. Was that pitiful of you for you to assume her as your friend already? You didn’t really have anyone you could have considered a “friend” at your last home, so you were maybe more than ready to eagerly give someone that title.

**Sure! When and where?**

You were about to set your phone down to change but another text came back almost immediately. **How about 30 mins??** She had sent you the name of the place for you to look up.

Your first date. With your first friend. A friendship date.

You scrambled to not look like you were trying to hard as you put on a nice skirt and top.

++

The coffee shop Kairi had you meet her at was situated across town, having to use one of the local trams to get there. It was a short enough ride that you didn’t get motion sick thankfully, but you were still apprehensive about the ride when you first got on. You were in a part of town called Sunset Terrace, appropriately named too because this part of town was on a hill, with the most perfectly unobstructed view of the rest of town, and of course, the gorgeous sunset. You were beginning to think that this was your favorite part of living here. Sunsets were nothing to brag about anywhere else you lived. You snapped a few pictures on your phone before continuing your walk to the cafe past some small restaurants and tiny houses.  
Kairi was waiting for you outside of the cafe, waving to you and calling your name when she saw you.

“Do you always wear pink?” You asked her as you walked up to her, she was already holding the door open for you.

“Of course! It’s one of the best colors ever.” She giggled and you couldn’t help but agree with her.

“Welcome in!” A voice greeted as the both of you walked in.

As soon as your eyes met each other you knew. You looked at the counter and saw a combination of blonde hair and blue eyes that was just too hard to forget. You felt a small twinge of pain in your lower back at that same moment.

You watched as the boy took his apron off and spoke something to his coworker. You turned around the say something to Kairi but she as already walking over to the counter.

“I have someone to introduce you to!”

You walked up to the counter behind her, seeing the tail end of the blonde boy walk into the backroom of the cafe._ That’s the kid that mowed me over._

You were shaken out of your thought when a hand jutted out in front of you over the counter. You let out a soft “huh” in surprise at the sudden action.

“I’m Sora, Kairi’s friend. Nice to meet you!” Yup, that’s it. It’s something in the water. Everyone in this town has blue fucking eyes.

“Nice to meet you Sora…” You took hold of his hand, giving him your name and expressing the usual boring pleasantries of meeting someone new. Not that this was boring, but you were just very curious to see where that other kid has gone to. You wondered if he dipped because he recognized you too.

Back in reality you tried to integrate yourself a bit into the conversation that Sora and Kairi were having. It was obvious by their body language and way they were talking they were friends, discussing things out of the realm of the usual customer-worker interactions.

“- then we started texting each other and after that and became friends, right?” Kairi turned to look at you. She said it, the “friend” word. You weren’t pitiful, thank god.

You nodded. You needed to pay better attention before you mistakenly nod to something terrible, like a decaf coffee.  
Kairi offered to pay for your drink even, which through some back and forth you agreed on because she _insisted_. The two of you took a spot at a little table by the window, the sunset still bleeding into the sky.

“I got some pretty pictures of the sunset on the way here.” Struggling to keep any awkward silences to a minimum. You pulled out your phone to show her, reaching across the table.

Kairi’s attention flicked to your phone for about a second before you saw it shift to your arm. You still had some bruises from getting flung into the flowers from that guy. You noticed her staring the first time you met her, when she was helping you try on clothes. She had been too nice to say anything then if she noticed, but now it seemed like she really wanted to say something. You decided you’d address the issue first.

“My ugly bruise kind of matches the sunset, yeah?”

She looked up at you shocked, blush creeping onto her face. “N-no, I just.. I saw them and, - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have stared.” Poor girl, _you_ shouldn’t have put her on the spot like that.

You laughed, hoping to ease the tension. Sora was walking up with your coffees at the same time. “It was funny how I got them, someone ran into me the other day and knocked me into some flowers. It totally fucked me up.” Rubbing the spot on your arm as you told the story.

A customer across from you looked up when they heard you cuss. Oops, this must be a family establishment.

Even Sora looked shocked when he set the drinks down on the table, both he and Kairi looking at you with knitted brows.

“What a jerk! I’m so sorry!”

"Did you see who it was?"

You took a sip of your coffee, trying not to laugh again. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was the guy who walked in the backroom earlier.” Maybe you enjoyed putting people on the spot.

Sora and Kairi both looked at each other in unison. “Roxas.” Sora immediately turned around and walked away from you two, watching him follow into the back where this “Roxas” went off to.

You couldn’t help but feel a bit of secondhand embarrassment though when Sora walked out of the backroom, blonde kid trailing behind him, clearly redder than a fucking tomato in the face. It was kind of funny but also kind of depressing, you already knew how bad he felt when he made you eat shit. He probably just wanted to forget the whole thing, because honestly, when would he ever see you again? Now he got to relive it right now.

“This guy?” Sora stopped in front of the table. “Roxas” or whatever was still behind him, staring directly at the floor.

You leaned in your seat, this time getting a really good look at him. He really was almost a replica of the host boy from the bistro. 

“Listen, I apologized when i happened, I felt bad for a good week after! I’m sorry!” Now **more** customers were looking over in your direction. Oh god, now you were actually embarrassed.

“Roxas, you shouldn’t even be riding your skateboard down busy parts of town.” Kairi was scolding this poor dude now. She had that same stern look on her face when you told her how you got the bruises.

Now Roxas looked like he was about to cry. You struggled for what to do next, before Sora and Kairi said anything else to him and the poor kid melted his face out of embarrassment with the espresso machine.

You did what you normally do in situations where you want to avoid confrontation or interaction, you pretended like you were getting a phone call. You stood up while Roxas and Sora were exchanging some quieted words. Pointing to your phone urgently and acting like it was an emergency, you excused yourself away from the table to walk outside. You stayed by the window though one so everyone wouldn’t think you were leaving, and two so you could try and keep an eye on what was happening at the table.

You spoke into your phone, an imaginary conversation about your “cousins back home” who took a sudden interest in... something worth talking about aggressively. You considered yourself a professional now for how many times you've done this over the years. After about 3 minutes of pacing in front of the window talking into an empty phone, you saw Kairi get up from the table and come outside. She kept a good enough distance away from you to not interrupt your “call”, but you could see that look on her face again that she had something to say.

“Okay, yeah I can try talking to them. I have to go now, but I hope everything at home gets better! Love you!” You “hung up” and then put your phone away, sighing and walking up to Kairi. “Sorry, my aunt freaks out about the smallest stuff.”

“It’s okay… So, I have a question.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“The guys have to close up the shop, but they told us we can stay and hangout if we like. Two more of our friends are gonna stop by tonight and hangout if you’d like to meet them.” She clasped her hands behind her back, face softening into a smile. “We made Roxas feel bad enough so I think it’s just time to relax now. How does that sound?”

You were already getting overstimulated at the thought of meeting new people. It wore you out easily, plus you did feel bad about the whole Roxas thing. Being embarrassed is exhausting. But… you wanted to be nice to Kairi and Sora, so you agreed to stay. You didn’t have work tomorrow anyway so you can stand to fuck around for a little bit longer.

++

Once the last of the customers left you helped Kairi shut the blinds in the cafe while Sora counted the registers and Roxas put away the broom and other cleaning supplies.

“Is Riku coming tonight, too?” Kairi called, she secured one of the blinds as you pushed in a couple chairs. You didn’t know why you were helping but doing your part felt nice.

“Nah, he’s busy tonight. Just Xion and Axel are coming.”

Hearing that name you felt cold. _Axel._

Your ears rang a little, so much so that you missed whatever Roxas said and Kairi stubbing her toe on a table.

That feeling of embarrassment crept over you again. _Oh god what if he sees me and says something about the note? Or turns me down in front of his friends? I need to leave._

Grabbing your purse and walking over to Kairi, keeping your voice a little hushed. “Actually, Kairi, I think I’m gonna go… I started my pe-”

The door chimed behind you and before you could finish your sentence you saw two figures walk in out of your peripherals. You didn’t even bother finishing your excuse.

“We brought party favors!”

It was Axel. Bottle of wine in hand, a box of some sort in the other, and some black haired girl behind him.

_Oh fuck he has a girlfriend. _ That’s_ why he didn’t text me._

You put your arm on Kairi’s shoulder, telling her as quickly as you can that you needed to leave over the commotion of everyone behind you talking. You didn’t even think she heard you because she stepped to the side for a moment. Feeling a presence behind you. Your face felt like it was on fire.

“I thought that was you. Hadn’t any idea you knew my friends.” You recognized that voice anywhere.

You didn’t want to turn around. You didn’t even want to move at all. In that moment more than anything you wanted to be like the T-1000 in Terminator 2 and just melt into a puddle of liquid metal on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i tagged this but I want to preface this story by saying that everyone in this story is over the age of 21, which is the legal drinking age where i live and it's also above the age of consent. i've seen a lot of weird shit out there in some fandoms (this one included) and i want to avoid any underage shit or anything of the sort because it's not my vibe. i want this to be a comfortable and fun story for everyone to enjoy. just wanted to get that out of the way in case someone comes at me for anything. 
> 
> I hope you guys are liking the story so far. Thanks again for reading <3


	3. dream a little dream of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _turn the radio on, dancing to a pop song._
> 
> lack of sleep, shades of red, and diamonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL i am SO sorry this took so long to get out.  
I was traveling, going to shows, being lazy, PLEASE forgive my sorry ass.  
I made this chapter a little longer for you guys, diving into some more real shit before the fun comes. 
> 
> I'll give you guys a warning, this chapter gets a lil spicy, so I hope you don't mind that (though I doubt you'd be reading if you did). The last chapter I added my own Final Fantasy cameo, if you caught him, but this chapter I add in one I've always loved. I don't intend to focus much more on it after this, but I felt it worked best for this specific part in the story.
> 
> thank you for being patient with me and reading my bullshit ramblings <3 enjoy

So bad, this was _so_ fucking bad. You couldn't even begin to formulate a response to Axel, still stuck in the shock of him showing up, with a girl no less. You struggled to process what the fuck was going on.

"Axel!! I'm so glad you're here!" Kairi threw her arms around Axel and when the black haired girl started to walk up to you guys, you felt like you'd barf.

"Is this your new friend you were telling me about?" The girl smiled your way, looking at Kairi first before looking at you.

_Oh fuck_. You scrambled to put together your next move in your head, would you run out the front door or would you stay rooted in an attempt to act like you weren't having a panic attack at the moment? This was so awkward.

You opted to mask your panic with kindness and see where this led. You cleared your throat. "Hi." More of the pleasantry bullshit. "Nice to meet you." Giving her your name and offering your hand and ... whatever.

"Nice to meet you, too." Her smile was inviting, even if her presence made you want to get the hell out of the room. Her delicate hand grabbed yours and you made note of how soft her skin was. "Kairi said you were beautiful but you're... so stunning in person."

Did you hear her right?

"I know, huh?" _Oh God_ now Kairi was joining in. "Look at how long and pretty her hair is!" You couldn't handle compliments like this, especially when they felt genuine and not just utter bullshit. You noticed how the black haired girl was kinda pink in the face and flitting between looking at you and looking at the floor. Which to make matters worse was almost the perfect amount of sweetness to make you forget about wanting to sprint in the other direction, _almost_. You strained a smile out of yourself, about to say thank you but Axel interrupted.

"Okay ladies, first of all, **_I _**saw her first, so back off." You couldn't handle this, you really couldn't. Did Axel normally flirt with others in front of his girlfriend? Comprehension of this entire situation was completely out the window at this point. 

"Oh, you guys are so funny!" You hoped they couldn't sense how tense you were, how hard you were attempting to laugh normally. "I'm gonna go to the restroom really quick, okay?" You bolted. Bolted as in walked a lot faster than normal to the restroom because you despised the idea of anymore attention on you. You didn't even know where the damn toilet was but after a few minutes, and accidentally walking into the supply closet, you found it.

What was the plan? What the hell were you gonna do? You ran through a list of excuses to get yourself out of this. Fake another phone call, say it's an emergency. Use the period excuse. Break a limb really quick. You cursed the restroom for not having a window that you could climb out of.

"You good in there?" A small knock at the door causing you to jump. Yet through your absolute neurotic train of thought, you recognized the voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" You cleared your throat. "Sorry I'll be out soon." Turning around to turn the sink on to make some noise to create the illusion you weren't just hiding, you ended up running into the garbage can, an even greater source of noise, and embarrassment. 

"Do you... uh... need help?" Definitely Roxas, he knocked on the door again. Though he sounded a little sheepish, you could sense his persistence. "Not in a creepy way or anything. I just... I know you're hiding from something in there."

You stopped moving and looked to the door. _He knew_?

You opened the door a sliver to, sure enough, see Roxas standing there, hand rubbing the back of his neck. As soon as you opened the door he looked away, he seemed a bit uncomfortable. You assumed every interaction you were to ever have with this kid would be humiliating in some way, shape, or form. "How do you know I'm hiding?" You kept the door opened just barely a sliver.

"I watched you when Axel and Xion came in. Your body language was super tense." He finally looked at you. "You've been in here for a while and I wanted to be sure you were okay."

"That's...sweet of you."

He didn't break eye contact with you, which was odd for someone who seemed to not be able to take their eyes off the floor a second ago. His eyes were so clear, cheeks tinged with a little pink. His eyes grew wider as you opened the door fully to face him.

"I... I don't wanna go back out there."

"Why?" The sink was still running in the background, your eyes still not leaving each other. You gasped suddenly when Roxas walked in past you and turned the sink off.

"Why?" You should just tell him.

"Well I..." _Be honest_. "I'm scared of crowds." You let out a little sigh after you spoke, not shocked at yourself for immediately telling a lie.

"That's bullshit."

"What do you mean bullshit!?" Roxas put his finger to his lips to get you to speak quieter. You pressed your hand over your mouth, pushing the door closed again, leaving just a little opening.

"Fine." Another, heavier sigh rushing out past your lips this time. "The other day I left Axel my number at his work, he never called me an now I'm embarrassed. Also his girlfriend is here so now I'm even MORE embarrassed that I left my number for him on a shitty gum wrapper at his job."

When Roxas started laughing you were the one to try and get him to shut up, coming close and trying to slap your hand over his mouth to get him to stop. He grabbed your hand just in time though, gently holding your wrist as he wiped a laughter tear from his eye with his free hand. "You're hilarious"

"Yeah? Well you're obnoxious."

"Hey! Don't be mean." A few more loose chuckles. His laughter was nice... his voice was nice, too. You were tempted to ask him if he was a singer or something, he could be with a voice like that. "Xion isn't Axel's girlfriend. She's been a friend of mine and his for years, _just_ a friend."

Suddenly you felt so dumb for jumping to conclusions. You took your hand back from his, crossing your arms. "Well, I assumed that maybe that's why he hadn't called or something."

"Nah, Axel would have said something to us if he got a girl's number." Roxas laughed again. "Especially yours. He probably didn't even see it. "

You weren't really sure what that meant, and you were still a little ashamed from before to ask anymore questions. Grabbing for your purse, Roxas stopped you again.

"Are you gonna head back out there?" He grabbed your purse for you, placing the strap into your hand, it swung back and fourth a bit.

"I guess so. I'm sure if I stayed here all night they'd say something."

Grabbing for the door, Roxas held it open for you. "After you."

You rolled your eyes but walked out, he followed behind you, making idle chit chat. Talking about something completely off topic from before, and you wondered if it was because he could tell you were nervous. Wanting to keep your mind off of fretting over Axel. If that was the case you appreciated it, and appreciated him for coming to check on you. He definitely helped you feel better.

Maybe you should have left Roxas your number instead.

"There you guys are!" Sora was waving the two of you over. "You were gone forever."

You froze for a sec, trying to think of an excuse. Several pairs of eyes were on you, including Axel's, and your face felt terribly hot.

Roxas walked in front of you in that moment and pulled out a chair next to Sora. "Yeah, well Klutz over here walked into the supply closet instead of the bathroom and knocked a bunch of shit over so I had to help her clean it up." Roxas motioned behind him towards you with his thumb, small smirk on his lips as he turned just barely to look at you.

You closed your eyes and smiled, rubbing your arm up and down, dispelling a bit of your nerves. "Sorry, I'm shit with directions."

++

You found yourself a glass or two into the wine that Axel had brought, it was pink and sweet and right up your alley. Kairi had already downed quite a bit too, making you come and sit with her so she could (very poorly) attempt to braid your hair. She told you of all the new clothes she was planning on buying for the boutique. Dresses, shoes, thigh high stockings, all things she "wanted to dress you in like a beautiful doll." You blushed, she really was sweet, sober or drunk.

You had managed to compose yourself through the night. Stealing quick glimpses at Axel as he sat with the guys,laughing, making grandeur gestures with his hands. And you thought, a few times, quite possibly, you caught him staring at you too. Brushing it off by making light conversation with Kairi, her poor drunken state.

You wanted so badly to get up and walk over to Axel, confidently, and formally give him your number. In front of everyone and make your point you were definitely 100% flirting with him. A few weeks of living alone and doing nothing but working and haphazardly flirting with your coworker had made you tense, and you wanted a cute bartender to pull your mind out of your boredom.

Xion had wandered over to you and Kairi at some point in the night. She took a seat facing you, asking if it was okay for her to join in. You nodded silently, Kairi begging you for the 11th time to hold still, even though 9 of those times you hadn't budged an inch.

"Kairi said you just moved here, was it a long trip from home?" She politely folded her hands in front of her. If she had been drinking you couldn't tell at all, she was so put together.

"Yeah, about 7 hours. It was awful." Her eyes grew wide at that statement. She leaned in a little, clearly interested in what you had to say, as if that wasn't the end of your sentence. You wanted to make a good impression on her though, especially if it was Roxas and Axel's friend and NOT his girlfriend. "I get suuuper motion sick so trains aren't really my thing."

"Oh no, that's too bad! You should take medicine before the beach trip then!" _Beach trip?_

Kairi leaned across the table, flailing her hand at Xion and making a teribbly inebriated shushing noise at her. "You weren't supposed to say it yet!"

Xion put her hands over her mouth and frantically looked between you and Kairi. "Sorry! I thought you already asked her!"

You looked at Kairi, who was now sheepishly grinning and running her fingers through one of the unfinished braids in your hair.

"Please explain this 'beach trip' shit to me."

She scooted a little closer to you, looking at the table where the boys were sitting before leaning in by your ear. Her breath tickled you as she spoke. "Roxas and his brother have a birthday next week and we were gonna go to the beach for a few days to celebrate. " She leaned in further still, pressing her hand onto your shoulder. Goosebumps littered your skin. "We wanted to invite you."

They already wanted to invite you to something big like that? Also you _knew_ you weren't crazy when you thought Roxas looked familiar.

_"_Does this brother of his happened to work at the bistro in town?_"_

"Yeah!" Kairi tied a small hair band at the bottom of one of her shitty braids she did in your hair. "Have you met him already?"

You nodded, looking at Xion, who was grinning very widely. "Let me ask for the time off work and I'll be there."

Kairi stood up from the table, bumping it along the way, and mildly pulling your hair. "Guys she said she'd come!" She called over to the guys, skipping over to the table they were all leaned over. From across the room you saw Axel give you a little wave and a smirk, you couldn't help but wave back.

"I'm so happy to hear you'll come." Xion reached across the table and touched your arm. "It'll be better with another friend there too."

_Friend._

Her smile was so warm, it reminded you of that goofy smile Sora did when you first met him. Or how Kairi always smiled when you spoke to her.

You smiled back, you wanted to like her. You really did. You wanted to like all of them, but as much as you hated to admit it, anytime you felt your heart swelling like this, your body always told you to back out. Your natural instinct, to remove yourself from any type of love that seemed to find you. _ Don't get used to it ._

Xion's eyes held yours as you felt her still touching that spot on your arm. Kairi said something to you two as she walked back over, but it was lost in that small twinkle of sadness you caught in Xion's eyes from across the table.

++

Your eyes hurt the more you tried to keep them open. It was the mixture of needing sleep and wine, a lethal combo that threatened to have you fall asleep right in the cafe.

Everyone was getting ready to go anyway. Sora, who had somehow ended up taking his shoes and belt off (??) at some point in the night struggled to put them back on without yawning every 6 seconds. Everyone needed sleep.

"You'll be okay to walk home?" Kairi asked, looking concerned albeit her sleepy eyes. "You live the farthest away."

You nodded, grabbing your bag from off the table and slinging it over your shoulder. You waved her off saying you'd be fine, you still had plenty of battery to use your map app to get home.

"You're not walking home alone, not this late." A voice from behind you, and you already knew who it was before you even turned around to see.

Axel, looking down at you, a hand on his hip as he watched you pull out your phone. God he was tall up close. At least a foot or two taller than you. Your sleep deprived, wine induced stupor made you image your body a little closer to his, pushing your hand onto his chest.

"I'll be okay, I promise." It was late. You wouldn't be able to handle your anxious brain pushing hot and heavy thoughts onto you while you walked home with Axel.

He insisted though, stopping you before you could put your hand on the door. Roxas and Xion joined in too, looking at your phone and saying the name of your apartment complex out loud. Saying "Oh that's not too far from where the Bistro is! Axel will know how to get there!" And before you could really half ass a goodbye to everyone, you were out the door, Axel in front of you leading you to the tram station.

The night air was just a tad chilly, and you cursed yourself for not bringing a jacket with you. Then again you didn't imagine you'd be out until nearly 2 am on the other side of town. You clutched the strap of your bag closer to your body and took a few fast steps to catch up with Axel.

"You walk too fast for someone whose about to fall asleep." Yawning through a few quiet chuckles.

He slowed a bit, looking down at you smiling up at him. You felt the tinge of heat across your cheeks from the alcohol workings its last little pricks through you. You could smell his cologne in the chilly summer air; woodsy, spicy. Somewhere between burning driftwood and cherries dipped in cinnamon. 

"Thank you, by the way." You stepped onto the tram, Axel took a spot next to you, rather than across from you, and it made your heart this in your chest. "You didn't have to walk me home."

He smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets as the train started to move. "Twilight Town is super safe, but if you'e bad with directions I couldn't let you risk getting lost."

"I'm honestly not _that _bad."

"Mhmm."

++

The walk back to your apartment was pleasant, to say the least. You disclosed your terrible motion sickness with Axel, who laughed, telling you to pack Dramamine for the beach trip. You attempted to keep close (but not too close) to Axel as the night air nipped a little more at your knees and shoulders, elbows bumping a few times. Your nerves that seemed to had finally fizzled down sparked at each small touch.

You avoided the question when he asked where you moved from. You supposed you might avoid that question until you died. Telling him it was a boring city with boring people, and you were happy to be away from there. He nodded in response, maybe he could sense your secrets in the way you spoke. You weren't ready to disclose your old life to people you wanted to like you... not yet. Instead you tried to blink the sleep from your eyes , shaking your head a little in the cool summer night air.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't notice that you walked up to the entrance to your building, bumping into Axel's back. You stuttered out a small "sorry" as you momentarily lost yourself in the scent of his cologne again.

"You okay?" He chuckled. You loved that sound.

"Yeah, just sleepy. I'm gonna pass out on the staircase." You gently rubbed your eyes.

"Yeah? You want me to carry you to your room, princess?" You could hear the sleep laced in his voice, bringing it down a few octaves. You started up at him, heat burning on your cheeks even more now. _ God he's so hot I'm gonna faint. _ You imagined yourself agreeing to his rhetorical question, making him carry you to bed, and straddling his lap so you would both smell like his cologne by the morning.

What was it about wine and sleep deprivation that made you so horny?

You had hoped he didn't see you visibly gulp as his green, half lidded cat eyes started at you in the shitty light from the entrance to your building. He was waiting for you to say something, but you were waiting on him. To make another joke, to laugh, to try and kiss you. Anything.

You were about to open your mouth to ask him to come in when you were both startled by a straw cat running across the ground, meowing and accidentally knocking over a bottle fallen out of the trash can. Throwing your hand over your heart, you felt totally awake now, and also scared half to death. You resisted checking your pulse to make sure you were still alive. Axel was also a little visibly shaken out of his tired state, he rubbed the back of his neck, you could see him starting to turn on his heel.

"Well, now that I'm properly woken up, I'm gonna make my way home." He shoved his hands in his pockets again, rocking back and fourth a little on his heels. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Axel. Thank you again for walking me home." You hesitated a little, mentally screaming at yourself to tell him to come in. But your head won this time, you turned to head inside. Looking back once more before you opened the door to your building, a flash of red turned the corner, leaving with a longing in your chest.

Why did he remind you of someone?

++

The lighting was incredibly shitty, but the hotel room wasn't the most top tier in town anyway. You idly traced your fingers across the necklace adorning your neck, a beautiful combination of pink and white diamonds, and you wondered if your client had spent most of his money on the necklace than he had this room. 

"You've been so quiet tonight, is something on your mind, doll?" A hand on your shoulder, sliding up to cup your cheek. Unfamiliar, hungry eyes. Course skin brushing along your face, a juxtaposition to your smooth skin. You smiled, shaking your head. Waiting until you'd leave for the evening, accompanying another lonely soul on another lonely night.

Traverse Town was just that. _Lonely_. People came from all over, yet it was hardly a place where one could make a home. You tried your best to call it that though. Your life wasn't terrible and it certainly, on the outside, didn't seem lonely, but looks could be deceiving.

++

Once you left your hometown, still struggling with the death of the woman you tended to for so long, you wound up in Traverse Town. The lights were beautiful, and considering how many there were, you could still surprising see a decent amount of stars. They were what you looked forward to the most every night.

You had lived here for about 5 months when the realization hit you how much you were struggling for cash. Your job didn't pay well enough to allow you to live comfortably in your apartment much longer, but you shunned the thought of moving again. You quite liked your little apartment, across the street from a nice married couple who owned what seemed like a hundred or so tiny dalmatians. You met the couple one morning leaving for work, one of their puppies had gotten out and you manged to catch it before it ran too far down the street. They were so thankful to you and invited you in for tea. You were a little weary, seeing as how your last interaction with a married couple had went, but being suffocated to death in puppy kisses and tail wags definitely eased your fears. A little glimmer of happiness in a town that threatened to suck out your soul.

You worked part time at a little jewelry shop at the heart of your town. It wasn't the most upscale place, but your shop did pride itself on the collection of vintage and modern gems it sold. You spent many nights pretending you had the money to afford what you sold, many nights pretending the stars you could see from the shops window were diamonds you could reach out and pluck from the sky.

You didn't anticipate how your dream would become a reality the night she walked in. Long brown hair tied with a red ribbon, pink dress, and the most beautiful emerald eyes you'd ever seen. She came into the shop an hour before you we're about to close, while you were absent-mindedly cleaning the jewelry cases and wishing you were somewhere else. She had the most tender of voices, and you found yourself immediately drawn to her.

She wanted to try on nearly everything, picking out item after item from the cases. She kept you busy and you were skeptical if she was even going to buy, or if she was simply one of those customers who just wanted try the jewelry on for shits and giggles. You watched her delicate fingers trace the jewels as she placed them on her wrist. She batted her long eyelashes at you as you pulled out a sapphire necklace. "Do you mind putting it on me?" Her voice like silk. She lifted her hair and turned around, exposing her neck to you so you could clasp the necklace for her.

Everything about her was entrancing. Her soft hair, her smooth skin, her scent that teased and begged you to touch her. And God did you want to.

"You deserve to have someone dote on you." The words left her mouth, the invisible hands of her charm clutching you tighter.

"Wha..." You watched her eyes and she looked at you through the mirror. She ran her hands down her neck and you wished so badly you could do the same. She turned and took a step towards you. Her perfume tickling your nose.

"You're beautiful."

Your store should have been long closed by now, but her taste in jewelry set you back a bit. Ringing up the items she was purchasing, trying hard to focus on entering the numbers in the register correctly and not her green, half-lidded eyes that were piercing you, calling you to her. As you delicately boxed her items, you watched her scribble something onto the notepad by the register. You had hoped it was a phone number, you needed more of her. Especially if she had thousands of munny to spend on superficial jewels to decorate herself with. But all you were left with was an email address. A totally obscure one at that.

You watched as the girl gave you a small wave goodbye and walked out the door. You closed up your store as quickly as you could, wanting to head home and correspond with this girl in any way possible. You weren't...quite sure what she wanted with you, but this was the bit of excitement in your monotonous life that you had so desperately craved.

++

You worded and reworded the email at least 8 different times. Wanting to not sound too over zealous but also not wanting to sound too nonchalant...the perfect mix of polite, but also a little flirty. An email that took about 3 hours to write. Before hitting send, you scraped the entire thing and wrote the simplest email you think you've ever written. _You outshine every diamond I hold in my shop._

You had hoped it would sound... poetic to her. But as you laid awake in bed that night awaiting a response, you felt hot in the face and totally embarrassed, anxious even that a heart breaker like her was just playing some game with you. In the morning, you about thrust yourself out of bed. Stumbling to rip open your laptop, praying you'd have at least some response back from the girl last night, even if it was her saying you were a total fucking loser. Instead, what you saw in your inbox was a message you'd have never anticipated in your life.

_Good evening,_

_Meeting you tonight was what I could potentially describe as fate. _

_This may be an odd request, but I'd like to see you tomorrow night._

_ I have a proposition for you. _

_If you're up to it, I'll be at the restaurant in District 3, 9 pm. _

_I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, if you decide to come. _

_A._

Half of yourself told you this was her overly formal way of asking you to fuck, the other half told you this was a dressed up attempt to lure you to her so she could murder you. Either way, you found yourself entranced by just the email alone. Was she a succubus? You weighed your options for hours. You had a day off of work, which allowed you plenty of time to flip through every possible scenario of your meeting with her, ending with you between her legs or dead behind a dumpster. The "proposition" part though is what really piqued your curiosity. The better part of you decided that if you did end up dead tonight, you'd hopefully get dinner, good conversation, and a nice fuck out of it beforehand. You spent the rest of the day pampering yourself, meticulously shaving every last crevice of your body, and dousing yourself in whatever lotion you found in your vanity.

++

The restaurant was pretty crowded tonight, which you took as a good sign. Hopefully mystery girl wouldn't try to kill you in front of all these people. You were dressed in a short black mini skater dress, the edge just barely skimming your ass cheeks, but you thought the black would make it a little less trashy and more..sleek? If not, hopefully the tousles in your hair and diamond earrings <strike>that were totally clearance from your shop</strike> made up for it.

She waved to you over the crowd of people, seated at a small table directly in the back. She outclassed you in every sense. The way she dressed, her demeanor. You hadn't even started talking to her yet and you felt for insignificant just walking to the back to take a seat by her. You anxiously prepared yourself to tell her you'd never be able to afford anything that this place served, but you didn't have the chance when she stood from her seat and pulled you into a delicate but firm embrace.

"I'm happy you made it." She sat down, signaling you to sit as well. You did.

"I...uh, I mean, thank you for inviting me out tonight." She nodded to you, smiling as she folded her hands together in front of her. 

"Let's enjoy dinner and get to know each other better before I tell you why I asked you here." She flagged down a waiter and ordered for the both of you. 

Her presence was commanding, the poor waiter was sweating as he struggled to take her orders and not dip his eyes into her cleavage of her tight, pink chiffon dress. You watched as she spoke, your mind trying to ease the anxiety of the situation by telling you to just have fun. Enjoy yourself and get to know her... then you can panic after you eat. The waiter left your table completely frazzled, but mystery girl turned to you once again and a close-eyed smile.

"I hope you don't mind, I ordered my favorite meal off the menu for us both. I fully intend to cover all the meal expenses tonight so I'll hope you'll enjoy it."

You hoped she didn't notice the shock on your face.

"I could never ask you to do that! Let me at least pay for my half!" She shushed you with a gentle hand reaching across the table.

"Please, I insist. Tonight is about _you_." She batted her green eyes at you and you wanted to melt. Your hand that was digging in your purse for your wallet stopped, and all you could do was give her a small nod. She was mesmerizing as well as terrifying.

As you spoke with her you realized more and more... how much of a normal girl she was. You found yourself more relaxed as you shared stories and laughter over the delicious...whatever the fuck she ordered for both of you. She told you how she used to live in a big city, finished school, realized she wasn't happy, and moved here. She worked a few dead end jobs before finally settling on her current job. She evaded the "what do you do now?" question by asking IF you liked the jewelry shop you worked at, saying she also worked there when it first opened a few years ago. 

You licked at your lips every five minutes, hoping nothing was in your teeth as you spoke. You told her of your life in Traverse Town, boring, but better than suffering back home. Her expression softened at that statement, asking for clarification without uttering a word. Explaining your relationship with your previous home, the pain you felt when your only reason for living back home had died, you saw her eyes dim as the sadness in your voice became more and more apparent.

She reached her hand across the able again, this time resting on yours, rubbing a thumb up and down your palm. "I'm sorry for what you've been through, but I'm happy you're here." You forced out a small smile, telling her it's not a big deal anymore, swallowing the threatening tears along with a big bite of potato dumpling.

"I suppose I should actually tell you the reason I invited you out here this evening." Her eyes stayed soft on yours, but you could see from the line of her mouth the conversation was taking a more serious turn. 

"Oh... please do. I'm dying to know." 

She leaned in closer to you, breasts pushing up against the side of the table. You struggled to keep focused on her eyes.

"I want you to be treated how you treated me last night." Her eyes were so hard on yours you thought you'd crumble under the pressure of her gaze. 

"I don't... I don't follow what you're saying."

"Your love doesn't come free."

Lips trembling, trying to calm yourself by sipping on your water. You felt the shift in the atmosphere as she lifted herself from her seat, leaning all the way across the small table, placing her lips right by your ear, hand steadying itself on your shoulder.

"Escorting."

Refraining from spitting out your drink, you felt yourself choke at her words. 

_I fucking knew it._ That's how she could afford all this shit! The jewelry, the dinner, it all made sense to you now. _Okay, be cool. Don't say anything stupid._

"You want_ me_ to be an escort?" _That sounded totally stupid. _"I can hardly talk to people without getting flustered, I don't think I could make someone pay me to love them."

She giggled as she sat back down, straightening her dress out. She returned to her polite, hand clasped posture. "I could spend hour listing the reasons why I think you'd be great. You're beautiful, you're smart." A blush crept onto your face. "...but, the main reason is I see your worth. I see what this town wants to give you, and I want you to take it."

You weren't even sure how to respond to any of that. How would any normal person take any of this? A girl you met only last night taking you to dinner, showering you in compliments, and telling you that you should be an escort. 

"I...I don't even know what I should say." You ran your fingers through your hair, not even caring at this point how many times you already had in the last few minutes and how fucked up your bangs probably looked.

"It's okay." She smiled her daydreamy smile, opening her purse and grabbing for some money to pay for the meal. "You don't have to answer right this second, but I do want you to think about it." She placed the money on the table next to the bill and stood up. "When you decide, you have my info. I can introduce you to some great people." 

You walked out of the restaurant in silence together, she led you out onto the street with a smile. But before you had the chance to thank her for dinner and tell her you didn't know if you could do this, you felt the softest pair of lips press against yours. You were too stunned to kiss back, even as her hand found yours and laced your fingers together. The kiss was brief, and she was walking away before you even had the chance to take a breath. She placed something into your hand during the kiss, you rubbed your thumb along it before bringing it into your line of sight.

_Munny_. Enough to cover your rent for the next 2 months.

You felt a cold chill run down your spine, running forward a bit to try and catch her before she was completely out of sight.

"You didn't tell me your name!" You shouted to her, catching her before she disappeared in the busy street.

You caught the smallest glimmer of green in her eyes as she turned to give you one final look. "Aerith."

A flash of red turned around the corner.

++

Your fist "date" as an escort allowed you another two months worth of rent covered, quickly becoming 8 months, then a year as they continued. 

It wasn't hard to meet people in this town that were desperate to fight away their loneliness with whatever they could pull out of their wallets. You were willing to ease their pain for a price, becoming whatever they wanted you to be for the night.

You felt like you could breathe easier, no longer stressed about being able to afford your apartment. You exchanged your old frumpy wardrobe for one with short dresses, high heels, and the many gifts that your clients adorned you in when you went out with them. You eventually grew accustomed to the lingering touches and soft caresses that used to make you shy away. The blushes that used to paint your face faded as you placed a hand on your clients chest, whispering sweet nothings into their ears as you gently fell into a new bed nearly every night.

You played your games in bars and restaurants. Waiting to be tagged for the night by whatever lonely soul was willing to pay for your company. You didn't pass up the opportunity to give your love to whoever wanted it. Intimacy was never really your specialty, but you mentally walked yourself through the process, pampering your clients with soft caresses and small whimpers of their names, fortunate you never needed to remember anyone's name for longer than a few days.

Traverse Town was a hub that most people came in and out of, only stopping through for business or until a better, more stable home called to them. But you welcomed whoever came to you; those on business looking to ease the stress of busy meetings, newlyweds looking for something to spice up their honeymoon, or those poor souls that had no better place to spend their money. Your love wasn't free, but it wasn't picky.

But, as with all things in your life, the stimulation never lasted quite long enough. Nothing held your attention like it probably should.

You grew bored.

Not bored of the money, not bored of the free dinners, free outfits, or the months and months you lived rent free. Bored with the inescapable feeling of loneliness you could never shake from your bones. You wondered if Aerith ever felt this way. You thought of her face as you stared out the window of the hotel room, imaging the stars as little diamonds in the sky.

You decided the best thing was to leave, again.

You found the add for an apartment in Twilight Town and jumped at the chance to go. You gave yourself one more month in town to save up whatever else you could, packing up your things in between nights spent in and out of hotel rooms. On your last night in town, you could think of little else you wanted to do besides see _her_.

You found her waiting at her usual spot in District 3, wearing some variation of pink dress she was always in, looking in the window of a shop that had long closed.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Her eyes gleamed when she turned to look at you. Your interactions with her had been slim over the past year, passing by her in restaurants or at your day job you didn't have the heart to quit. She kept things businesslike with you, as you were both in the same profession, albeit the kiss she once shared with you. But as tonight would be your last night, you wanted to shed the professional demeanor in exchange for something more...real.

She must have sensed something in the way you looked at her, her hand lightly reaching for yours as her green eyes met yours, looking at you though her lashed. Her thumb gently traced your palm just like your first night out with her, the feeling coupled with the memory of her first touch sent goosebumps up your arm.

"You're leaving." Her smile was soft, but the sparkle in her eyes faded almost as face as the words left her lips.

You felt too guilty to nod, too guilty to even move. The reality of it all hitting you now that you were face to face with the woman who introduced you to this lifestyle, who essentially granted you the life you now lived. The same one who now craved to leave behind.

"I'll let you leave me on one condition." You felt her grip tighten on yours, but only a little. She took a step toward you, leaning into you, lips by your ear, and the goosebumps flooded your body now. "Make me miss you."

The hotel room was cold, but her lips were white hot on your skin. Soft caresses in the dark turned into hard touches and cries of pleasure into the night. You didn't intend for the night to end like this but you didn't stop her as she sunk down between your thighs. You wished you could make your heart stop aching for just a moment so you could enjoy this like you really wanted to.

You couldn't find sleep in that unfamiliar bed that night. Aerith's soft breaths next to you, doing little to lull you to sleep, instead paining your heart with ache that your train would be leaving in a matter of hours, as well as this life you'd built yourself.

You shrugged on your clothes that lay crumpled on the floor beside you. You slipped your dress and strapped your sandals on as quietly as you could, wanting to slip away before Aerith could wake. Before you left, you pressed a single kiss to her forehead, not noticing the slight shift in her breathing as you pulled away. You cast one final glance before you exited the hotel room, before grabbing your bags from your apartment and leaving for the train station.

You cried until your train pulled into the station.

++

You rolled over in your bed, unable to get to sleep though your eyes screamed for you to shut them. You peered out the window at the stars in the night sky. Lifting your hand, you traced your finger around the shapes, pretending little jewels sparkled above you. Ones that you could pluck out of the night and wear on your neck and your ears, if you so wished. You thought about your old life in Traverse Town, you thought about your new life here in Twilight Town.

You thought about the train, about the beach, about the flower shop you worked at.

You thought about Axel.

You thought about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you <3


	4. he was 70s in spirit, 90s in his frame of mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _ We play the Eagles down in Malibu _
> 
> Anatomy, vanilla lattes, and possible witchcraft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss KH1 Riku the most, his hair was the perfect design. I imagine him in this fic but just... as like a 24 year old man instead of a bratty 15 year old lmao.
> 
> also, i appreciate everyone so much for being patient with me as i put out more chapters. I go back to re-read these things about 5 time because I want to craft a likable character for you all. hopefully i'm not fucking it up.  
but please, enjoy this next chapter <3

You’d be totally honest with yourself when you said you weren’t used to meeting new people without the assumption that they were going to pay you to fuck them.

Sure, you understood that part of your life was done, but it was almost second nature to anticipate people wanting something out of you when you met them for the first time.  You didn’t realize how hard it would be to break yourself from your horrendously deviant thoughts the second someone mildly attractive came into view. 

A perfect example being when you met Riku. How could your thoughts not run to how nicely sculpted his arms were, and the way his lips curved into a small smirk when Sora spoke to him. Or the way he repeated your name when you introduced yourself to him, loving the way that he sounded. 

Or when you shook hands with Naminé, her delicate fingers touching yours, the way her blonde hair fell over one shoulder. You imagined how it would feel between your fingers, or how good you would feel showered in soft-caresses from her and the silver-haired babe that stood before you.

You needed to rinse your mind with soap.

++

The cafe was bustling with people today, and you had agreed to meet with Kairi and the others to discuss further birthday plans for Ventus and Roxas, as this supposed birthday trip you were only slightly dreading was rapidly approaching. 

You wanted to make this your chance to woo Axel, to get your point across that you definitely, 100% were interested in him. You had yet to bring up the phone number thing though because you were still low-key embarrassed. You figured maybe you'd just wait until he naturally asked for your number. <strike>And you'd never leave your number for anyone ever again.</strike>

You'd been to the bistro a few more times over the last few days. Having wanted to familiarize yourself with Aqua a bit more and needing to officially introduced yourself to Ventus, because you thought showing up to someone’s birthday without getting to know them would be kinda creepy.

You’d come to find that Ventus was definitely the more mellow of the two, and the more you chatted with him the more obvious it was to tell them apart, besides the personality differences. Ventus’ hair was a tad bit lighter, and he was also an inch shorter than Roxas, despite being the older twin by 3 minutes and 19 seconds, as you found he consistently loved to tease his brother about. Ventus was also immensely close to Aqua, and was the reason he got the job at the bistro.

There was, however, one person you had yet to meet, though you had heard his name many, many times. _Terra_, as they called him, and you were told you’d probably meet him the day you got to the beach, as Ventus explained. He and Aqua were both very busy people, and often didn’t have time for little hangouts like what the rest of the group did. 

“You’ll like him! He and Aqua are my best friends.” Ventus’ warm smile reassured you, though you were still a little anxious over meeting someone new. Especially on a mini vacation you were totally unprepared for.

You were still in shock that they even invited you in the first place, that a group of people actually liked you and wanted to spend time with you, doing things besides paying you to shed their clothes in a hotel room with them. 

You found it odd that all of these people you had met in this town were connected. It seemed almost suspicious how everyone had some sort of link to one another, but your suspicions were put partially to ease over how nice everyone was. They were so welcoming to you, being someone completely new to town and still not ready to fully open up about yourself. They had plenty of reasons to not trust you, more so than you did them, but here they were, inviting you to spend nearly a week at the beach with them. You watched as Naminé reached across the table to hand Xion a muffin, Riku laughing at Kairi as she spilled a bit of tea on her shirt, Roxas roasting Sora on his shit quality latte art. You smiled.

Maybe this is what an actual home was supposed to feel like. 

Everything around you suddenly turned to white noise as Axel took a seat next to you. Why didn’t anyone fucking tell you he was coming to this little meeting? He turned to face you, the smile painted on his face already making your cheeks feel hot. You masked your blush by crossing your legs and laying your cheek on your hand, arm propped up on the table. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He chuckled. He mirrored your cheek-in-hand motion. “You excited about the trip next week?”

You hadn’t seen him since he walked you home a few nights ago, the urge to jump his bones back then was too strong. You wondered if he felt the same.

“I think I’d be more excited if wasn’t stressed about having to book a room for the trip.” You looked at hotels for the dates you’d be at the beach and nearly every place was totally booked. Kairi hadn’t mentioned yet where you were staying, but would you even be able to go if you couldn’t find some sort of accommodations?

Axel cocked his head to the side a little, looking mildly confused. “Why would you need to book a room? Did Kairi not tell you?”

“No one has told me anything about this trip other than what days we’ll be there.” 

He chuckled again, a little louder this time. You suddenly felt like you might’ve said something stupid, and focused your eyes everywhere but on Axel’s face. Your eyes flew to the floor, noticing that even though the stool you were sitting on was high off the ground, his feet could still touch the floor while yours dangled helplessly. “We rented a big beach house, enough rooms to fit all of us too.”

Your brain short circuited at the thought of not only getting to see a shirtless Axel wet on the beach, but also a wet, post-shower Axel in the comforts of a cute beach house. “O-oh.”

“Yeah, silly, so you don’t have to worry about that. We’ll all be together for the whole trip.” He was so charming you wanted to fucking die. 

Roxas came up behind Axel, patting him on the shoulder and their conversation was drowned out as you lost yourself more in the thought of sharing a beach house for several days with Axel. You liked having your own space, but you also really liked him. Sacrifices could be made, you silently assured yourself.

++

Locke was easily persuaded to let you have time off next week for the trip. You buttered him up a little throughout the day by accidentally dropping some cellophane in front of him, bending over to grab it and throwing an innocent little smile over your shoulder. Also when you accidentally brushed your hand across his back while searching for a pair of scissors. Don’t forget when you bumped into him while tying a bouquet. Your apology? Telling him how good his shirt fit him today, complimenting his arm muscles. You thought the raging blush on his face was enough for you to be able to successfully ask for time off. You were right.

With work and your lodging taken care of, all you really had to worry about was your wardrobe for the trip. Would you be swimming all day? Should you even pack “regular clothes”? Of course you should, what about when you were lounging around the house or going out to dinner with the gang or whatever else? Your closet was loaded, but you couldn’t settle on anything to wear. You hadn’t been to the beach in ages. Your last two homes were nowhere near a beach, and the only time you could really recall yourself at the beach was when you were 10 and a seagull shit in your hair. A truly traumatic experience you hoped you wouldn’t have to relive ever again. 

You fake packed your luggage about 20 times, several times overpacking and then a few underpacking, just to truly test out how much your luggage case could hold (so you told yourself). The reality of packing 16 pairs of panties for 4 days really hit you when your zipper on your bag threatened to snap, but really, what if you peed yourself multiple times each day? You’d need extra panties for that.

You settled on a range of looks somewhere between Alabama Worley and Fran Fine, praying they’d just end up on the floor of whatever room you and Axel would hopefully share for a night.

++

**Want to come stay at Naminé’s tonight?** A text from Kairi lit up your phone, as you were in the middle of repacking your belongings for the 10th time this evening. 

Locke let you off work early with the promise you’d bring him back some seashells from the beach and that you’d “have fun”. What a dad-like thing to say. 

You had spent your time after work frantically making sure you had everything ready to leave tomorrow. Kairi, bless her heart, had purchased your train ticket for you, but failed to mention until this morning that you departed for the beach at 7am. That would mean waking up extra early to get ready and to have one more panic fueled episode over making sure you weren’t forgetting anything. Sleeping at someone’s house you weren’t super familiar with AND getting up early wasn’t something you weren’t totally unaccustomed to, but it did sound totally unappealing tonight. You loathed the idea of sleeping on a couch and waking up with tenacious back pain, then fighting the urge to puke on a train for an hour.

**Nah I’m good, girl. I’ll be sure I meet you guys at the train station at 6:30 though.** You tried to sound as polite as possible. 

**Pleeeeease. ** Her response came almost immediately, complete with crying and broken heart emojis. Her attempt at changing your mind was cute albeit annoying. You sat on your luggage and typed a multitude of Zs as your reply, to hopefully get your point across to her, while not coming off as a stuck up bitch. 

You tossed your phone to the side as you put all your weight on your bag in a poor attempt to try and squish it down enough to get it closed. Maybe you could stand to leave some extra pairs of shoes at home.

++ 

After a decently long, and existential thought filled shower you got settled into bed, the light from your phone illuminating your face in the dark. Scrolling through social media one final time before going to bed. You saw some of the gang’s updates on heading to the beach tomorrow, liking Sora’s tweet about getting time off work to go enjoy the waves, and commenting on Roxas’ picture of his equally stuffed luggage. “I overpacked” the picture was captioned,  _ Same _ you commented. 

You almost immediately got a like on your comment, which initially you thought would be from Roxas, but it most certainly was not. 

_ Axel🔥 liked your reply _ popped up on your notifications, shortly followed by a DM from him as you were innocently scrolling through his profile trying to figure out why you weren’t following him yet.

You were almost too scared to look, out of fear you’d faint and he’d see you had read the message without responding. The fact you were getting worked up over a DM was immensely laughable but you were honestly frantic. 

You took a breath and clicked on the message.

_ You gonna barf on the train tomorrow? _ Bratty and rude, yet effective at making your heart rate increase tenfold.

_ Videos will be sent your way early in the morning, don’t worry.  _ You could easily be a brat back. 

_ Lmao I forgot you guys are going early. A few of us are going up in the afternoon cuz we have to work.  _

_ Who is we?? _

_ Me, Rox and Ven, Xion, and I’m pretty sure Aqua and Terra too. Y’know, those who care enough about their jobs to work before going on vacay (; _

Ugh, the wink. It killed you. The playful flirty vibe he had to send you before bed thrust you out of any hint of tiredness that weaved its way through you.

_ Mmm, I see. I’ll be sure to soak up extra sun for you while you’re busy working. _ Shifting in bed, you turned on your side. Light from your phone illuminating your face, eager to read ever work that appeared on your screen from him, but also eager to slam your phone down and sleep so you could be a little closer to sharing a house with this man.

_ Yeah, yeah. Rub it in. I’ll see you tomorrow. Save some beach for me. _

_ I will. Goodnight Axel. _

You ended it there. You had to, your heart beat had since calmed down but the little bit of heat that pulled at your cheeks plagued your face. Your mind urged you to keep going, just a few more playful messages before bed. You shook your head, about to turn your phone on silent mode until you saw his final message.

_ Night doll.  _

This time you actually did slam your phone down, internally screaming. The little pet he kept referring to you as would kill you, absolutely obliterate you. It was about to end your life before you even got on the train tomorrow. Calming yourself down by taking some deep breaths and practically shoving some lavender oil up your nose to get yourself to chill, you adjusted yourself in your mountain of pillows and blankets before eventually soothing yourself to sleep.

Your final thoughts of the night were how ugly wearing slippers on the train would honestly be at 6:30 in the morning, and why having a crush on someone like Axel was the worst decision of your life.

++

The walk to the train station was hell on Earth. You could barely manage to wipe the sleep from your poorly functioning eyes still as you begrudgingly dragged your bags behind you. You were actually thankful that Axel wasn’t on this train ride with you, since you undoubtedly looked like a piece of trash at 6 am. Your hair was a wreck that you somehow fashioned into pigtails and you pretended like the hole in your leggings was a fashion statement, and not because your nails poked through them while you struggled to put them on in the dark. 

You were greeted at the train station not only by Kairi wobbling over to you and putting her forehead on your shoulder, yawning next to your ear, but also by dear, sweet Sora placing a warm cup filled with vanilla latte into your hand. 

“I thought we’d all need a pick me up this morning.” His close-eyed smile was so pure it knocked the shitty, cranky mood right out of you. He was balancing a drink carrier in his hand, all with cups that were branded with the logo from the cafe he worked at. 

You thanked him profusely, bringing the drink up to your lips while your free hand stroked Kairi’s hair as she continued to rest on you. She was nearly asleep on your shoulder.

You looked around to the others standing in the train station. Riku and Naminé were here also, huddled up together in their cute little matching jackets, nursing their own coffees. Naminé gave a small wave when she saw you looking at them, Riku nodding toward you when he saw Naminé wave.

_ I wonder if they’re dating... _

“Kairi, why’d you book such an early train?” You flicked the side of her head in between gentle strokes, only to have her grunt slightly at the action. 

“More time together.” She mumbled. She was the most endearing and exhausting girl you’d ever met.

++ 

The train pulled in a few minutes before 7 and the other passengers at the train station started to form a line near the entrance. With coffee starting to flow through your veins, you felt a tad more awake. Kairi finally pulled herself off you, grabbing her bags to move up closer to where the train was. You quickly dug into the pocket of your hoodie for your anti-nausea meds, remembering last night that the instructions told you to take it at least 30 minutes before movement. You cringed at the bitter taste left on your tongue when you didn’t swallow the little pills fast enough.

Sora offered to help you carry your bags, seeing how you had clearly packed the most out of everyone here. You sheepishly agreed, trying to act nonchalant about it by taking a long sip of your drink. Sora was ungodly sweet, toothache worthy sweet. He made sure you and Kairi got onto the train and were comfortable before even sitting down himself. He and Kairi sat on the seats right in front of you while Riku and Naminé occupied the seats across the isle from them. 

“You okay sitting by yourself?” Sora turned around in his chair, leaning over to talk to you. You could see Kairi already starting to nod off again in the seat in front of you. Much like you wondered with Naminé and Riku, you couldn’t help but wonder if Sora and Kairi had something going on. When she wasn’t with you, she was with him, a lot. 

_ He’d make the most perfect boyfriend _ , you thought. Whether for you or for Kairi you wouldn’t fully let yourself choose. He was doting, naive, and just the right amount of gullible that made you want to toy with him. But you wouldn't. 

For now at least.

You nodded, smiling and dangling your earbuds you dug out of your purse in front of you. “I have a podcast I can listen to.” You punctuated your sentence with a little wink, trying for anything to make you seem cute when you so clearly looked like a sewer goblin at the moment.

He reached out and grabbed a bud, smiling back at you as he idly moved it in between his fingers. “A podcast?” His eyes flickered from the earbud to your eyes, briefly your lips, then back to the earbud. “Well, tell me if you need something okay? I don’t want you to feel sick and have a miserable trip.” He dropped the bud and gave you one last little glance as he turned to slip back into his seat. 

You placed the buds into your ears, shuffling through several horror podcasts that you downloaded on your phone, searching for one that would take up the entirety of the trip so hopefully focus your mind on cryptids rather than throwing up your latte from earlier. You leaned back, noticing the way Naminé whispered to Riku’s, his silvery locks pushed to the side as she placed her lips by his ear. 

You found yourself studying the way everyone in this little friend circle interacted with each other. The small touches, the way they joked with each other. Teetering on the edge of “Do i really fit in with them?” and “I hope they like me”, you found yourself hyper-aware of everything your friends would do. Reading into each detail like a book, you thought maybe by watching them, you could learn more about them. It was easier than asking someone to detail themselves to you, your fear of someone asking you to do just that a consistent reason for changing topics in everyday conversation. 

Nestled into your seat, you clutched your phone a little tighter when the train began to move. Sora gave you a glance back, only turning around when you held up the smallest little thumbs up in return, Kairi’s hair ruffling on his cheek from her head rested on his shoulder. The window of the train was chilled as your cheek brushed against in, leaning in to get a closer look as you moved out of the station. You watched the sunlight splash the cart as you pulled out into the open world, Twilight Town fading into the distance.

Between losing reception and you nodding off to sleep, you briefly checked a notification on your phone.

_ Axel🔥 is now following you. _

++

The ride wasn’t as awful as you had anticipated. The meds helped quite a bit, coupled with staring out the window and listening to a sultry voiced woman talk about the Mothman. It did wonders to help quell any unease your sensitive-ass little stomach felt from the train ride. You were also thankful to Riku who came to talk to you about 40 minutes into the trip. He had gotten up to stretch a bit, and came back from what you assumed to be the snack cart, bearing a wonderful gift of a massive cookie for you. 

“Hope I’m not interrupting your alone time.” He took a seat next to you as you quickly removed your earbuds, fumbling with them as you set them down in order to take the treat from his hands.

“Oh, no.” You stuttered slightly, trying to compose yourself from having been totally slouched down in your seat, half asleep. You shoved a bite of cookie in your mouth, relishing in the sugary goodness. You saw Naminé peak around the corner at you and you froze for a second. Her mouth eased into a tender smile at you and she went back to what looked like sketching in a small drawing pad. 

Riku’s amazingly toned arm pressed against yours, the mild scent of his cologne tickling your nose. He asked you trivial things to pass the time, topics like work, itinerary for the trip and, your favorite, life before Twilight Town. You were masterful at avoiding the question now, so it almost didn’t phase you as bad as before when someone asked. 

“Oh, somewhere small, not really worth talking about.” Crossing your legs and taking another bite of cookie. “Hey, do any shops at the beach sell taffy?”

Riku was a little quicker to acknowledge your avoidance of the question. “Probably. What was the name of your hometown?” His eyes were locked onto you now, feeling a bit of pressure. You plotted how you could get him to take the hint you didn’t want to talk about it.

“It’s a ways away.” You found it difficult to look him in the eyes, so you opted to take a little longer looking at your legs, wiping the crumbs from your lap. You swear you caught another glimpse of Naminé turned in her seat to look back at you and Riku.

“I might’ve heard of it. I traveled a lot when I was younger.” 

You sighed, thinking maybe you should just tell him. What would he honestly say? If he asked what you did there you could just make up something. That was the only real reason you were afraid of telling people. Traverse Town has a high population of sex workers, and though YOU weren’t ashamed of that fact, you worried someone else would be. You at least wanted to remain anonymous about it for as long as you could. Or at least until you felt close enough to these people to let them in on your past. The train to the beach really wasn’t your ideal place to disclose that though.

“Riku, did you grab a water for me?” A voice called over you as you were about to open your mouth to speak. Naminé was peering around her seat again, focused on the two of you chatting.

You silently thanked her for saving your ass. You felt as if maybe she could sense your distress and wanted to help you. Maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Graciously thanking Riku for the cookie, you couldn’t help but notice Naminé’s sketchpad as she set it to the side. The softly colored outlining of what looked like two people sitting next to each other. 

The hair color of one of them being the same as yours was probably just coincidence. 

++

You didn’t anticipate going from the train station to the beach house to be such a feat. The salt in the air smacked you right in the face the second you go off the train, distracting you from getting your phone together to call a ride to the beach house. Why that was your responsibility you hadn’t quite understood. Naminé had sweetly dubbed it your “first adventure together” but you called getting off the train, nearly losing luggage, and having the Uber driver get lost for half an hour to be your “close encounter with death.” It certainly wasn’t what you had in mind for the start of your trip but you were as happy as ever to finally be at your destination.

The words “beach house” struck you as something small and quaint, maybe like a little cottage. However, the beach house Kairi rented for Ventus and Roxas’ birthday was more of a mini mansion than anything else. Two stories, an excess of open space, right on the beach with the promenade leading down the sand to some little shops. 11 of you in a house scared you at first, but seeing how big this place was, you felt much more at ease. 

Sora immediately rushed in, with Kairi and Riku close in tow, deciding off the bat who was going to room where and how the sleeping arrangements would go. Kairi pulled out her little pamphlet about the house, reading aloud that there were four bedrooms total, 3 and a half baths, and a little sunroom on the first floor. Getting there before the rest of the group meant first pick on rooms. 

“Do you like the beach?” Naminé asked, walking ahead and holding the door open for you as you balanced your bags on each arm. 

“I do. I don’t even remember the last time I saw the ocean though.” You took a long glance out at the sea before walking inside. The scent of the water filling with something you could only describe as a longing for something that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

The inside of the house was far bigger on the inside than it appeared on the outside. You made a mental note to yourself to thank Kairi for picking out such a big space. You hadn’t lived with anyone in years, so the thought of sharing a home with nearly a dozen people made you quite anxious. At least this place gave you hope you could have some alone time.

Sora and Riku immediately charged up the stairs together to claim rooms, leaving Kairi, Naminé, and you to set you belongings down to rest for a moment.

“Do you all want to share a room together?” Kairi asked, looking between you and Naminé. “This place has enough bedrooms buuuut, maybe it would be fun to sleep in the same room!” 

You looked to Naminé, then back to Kairi. You desperately wanted your own room, as selfish as that was, but you abhorred the idea of sharing a bedroom with anyone for five days. You figured that using the excuse of being the “new girl” and still getting used to everyone may help spare you from having to do so. 

Thankfully Naminé beat you to it.

“Kairi, why don’t you and I share a room together and we can let her have her own space?” Naminé smiled and looked to you “I’m sure it's a little difficult being with so many people, so maybe you’d like privacy?”

You would’ve kissed her if you could. “That actually sounds wonderful, thank you for being so considerate of me.” Naminé must really have a way of telling when you’re feeling uneasy. Was she a witch or something? Either way you were genuinely so thankful to her for being so understanding of your human needs. Like privacy. 

Kairi made a little pouty noise, but nonetheless agreed and grabbed her bags to find the “perfect room” for her and the blonde. You left your bags in the central living room in favor of finding your room first before attempting to carry all of your shit with you. The girls trailed after the boys upstairs while you walked around on the first floor. What you assumed to be the master bedroom was down here, seeing how large it was, but you felt wrong taking up a space that big to yourself. You’d rather that go to the birthday boys or something. 

Instead, what drew your eye was the small little sun room on the opposite end of the first floor. It looked like it had been turned into a makeshift bedroom. The amount of windows would have normally made you a little weary, especially being on the first floor, but it faced the ocean, and the dainty, white curtains added just the whimsical touch for a bedroom that you loved. The bed was decently sized too, considering it was a window seat, but the idea of falling asleep while looking at the ocean sounded absolutely alluring. You wordlessly claimed the room as your own, and when you walked out to shift your things to the room, you saw Riku standing in the walkway.

“You found a room you like?” He asked, taking a sip from a water bottle. You noticed the way a little droplet ran down his chin, your eyes following it to his jaw. 

You were feeling a bit apprehensive being around him, wondering if he’d try to pick up your conversation on the train.

“The sun room has a little bed, I like it in there.” You hitched your thumb behind you towards the door. 

His eyes perked up a little, mouth pressed to the bottle again. “Mind if it take a look?” He wiped his mouth.

He walked past you into the room, and you watched him from the doorway as he looked around, moving some of the curtains aside to stare out at the water. He idly touched a plant that rested on the windowsill, long fingers tracing the leaf. Your eyes raked up and down his form, god his arms were nice. You resisted the urge to tell him he could come in here whenever he wanted. 

_ Behave. _ You told yourself.

You cleared your throat. “Did you and Sora find rooms?” You raised your voice a little as you walked away from the doorway to grab your belongings and move them into the room. Riku took notice and grabbed the last few to help you.

“Yeah, we’ll share one upstairs.” He chuckled a little to himself. “I have a feeling Ventus might room with us too.” 

“Is that bad?” You kicked your sandals off and climbed onto the bed, a hint of thigh revealed as you crossed your legs to listen to Riku talk.

“Nah. Whenever we go on trips he stays with Aqua and Terra, but they have this... thing going on right now, and I think Ven’s a little weirded out by it. I, uh… well I guess you’ll probably see when you meet them.” Riku laughed to himself again. 

“I’ve met Aqua, but not Terra.” You watched Riku as he started to head out the door of your room. He tied his hair back into a loose ponytail, turning to look back at you as his fingers nimbly bundled his hair together. “They’ll eat you up, watch out.”

You couldn’t tell if he was purposely being cryptic, or if he was just joking. Or maybe a combination of both. You’d honestly happily let Aqua eat you up if she wanted, and if this Terra dude looked anything like the rest of the boys on this trip you were utterly doomed. Being eaten alive didn’t sound so terrible though.

++

You forgot to buy the non-drowsy anti-nausea meds, so the second you finished unpacking and sat on the bed, you were knocked out. You weren’t quite sure how long you passed out for, but you woke up to a boom of laughter from outside your door, followed by a few quiet knocks. You were so disoriented you couldn’t even form a coherent thought, much less a sentence to tell them to come in. You rolled over in your bed, eyes slowly falling closed again before a hand came to lay on your shoulder.

“Hey.” The most tender of voices accompanied the most tender touch. “Everyone else is here. Would you like to say hi?” You still couldn’t really make out who it was. Feeling yourself groan a little, you turned and opened your eyes to see a blonde hair accompanied by a white dress. Naminé.

“Everyone’s here?” You mumbled back to her. Rubbing your eyes a bit. You hadn’t even put makeup on or changed out of your clothes from earlier. In your hazy state of mind, the words “everyone’s here” began echoing louder and louder because if that was the case, then you had seriously fallen asleep for hours.

“Yeah, Xion and the rest are here if you want to come out and see them.” She stroked your shoulder a few times, waiting for you to prop yourself up in bed before standing up. “I’ll wait outside for you, okay?” 

You nodded, mumbling to her that you were going to change really fast then you’d be out. Your full panic set in once she closed the door because this meant that Axel was out there, as well as someone you had yet to meet and here you are crusty, just waking up from a nap, looking like a total mess. Thank god you unpacked earlier, it made it easier to whirlwind around your room to try and look presentable. Throwing your lounge clothes off in an instant, you tossed on a short sundress and shook your hair out of your pigtails. Composing yourself at your door, you placed a hand on the doorknob and attempted to fight the last bit of sleep swimming through your body. You opened the door and saw everyone standing in the living room, face immediately grew hot seeing everyone's heads turn towards you. You scanned the room briefly, your eyes flickering to Axel, as he sat on the ottoman of the couch.

“She’s alive.” Roxas was already taunting you.

Kairi stood up and walked over to you, grabbing your hand as she got closer. “I thought you were sick! I knocked on your door a couple hours ago but you didn’t respond.”

You tried to brush off your embarrassment at having crashed for that long. “The anti-nausea meds kicked my ass, sorry. I hope I didn't ruin anyone's plans.” You fidgeted, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. You obviously missed out on the happy reunion everyone had earlier, because right now you felt out of place and completely on the spot.

Kairi led you over to everyone, who had thankfully gone back to idle chit chat, save for Aqua who stood up to come and give you a hug.

“How’ve you been, hun?” Her hug was gentle, and as you placed an arm back around her you couldn’t help but notice the very large form of someone standing next to her. When you pulled away from her, it was hard to look at anything else.

He was massive. He towered over Aqua, who was already quite tall. Tanned skin, broad shoulders, and _holy shit_, his arms were the biggest things you’ve ever seen in your life. You watched the way the veins on his arms bulged when he stretched out his hand to you. Meeting his eyes, you saw how handsome he was, and you felt like your heart was just pushed down a flight of stairs.

_ Oh god, he’s hot.  _

You held out your hand for him, and he took it with the most confident yet gentle grip.

“I’m Terra, it’s nice to finally meet you.” The way he said your name made you melt.

You looked up at him through your lashes, the hair your pushed behind your ear arbitrarily falling in front of your face again.

“Nice to meet you.” For once in your life you didn’t mind the pleasantries, if it meant getting to talk to this hunk of a man. 

“I think Terra’s probably heard a lot about you from the rest of us.” Aqua popped her head into the conversation. You were flattered, really. Your mind briefly went to what Riku said, about Aqua and Terra having some...thing. You weren’t quite sure if that meant they were dating or not, but you had hoped they wouldn’t mind you ogling the both of them for the entirety of the trip. You were mentally channeling to them that you didn’t mind an invite to their room. At all. 

You clasped your hands behind your back, smiling and giving your attempt at a sensual slow blink “I can’t wait to spend more time together then.” 

You raked your eyes over Terra’s form while he looked at Aqua.

++

In a unanimous decision, dinner was absolutely necessary now that the gang was all here and you were no longer incapacitated in your room. 

There was a popular restaurant about a 10 minute walk down the promenade from the beach house that Sora raved about. He insisted that you all spend your first night there together. 

“Do you guys come to the beach often?” You asked, walking in between Kairi and Roxas.

“Not super often, but we try to do a big beach trip every summer. This time we’re just doing it for mine and Ven’s birthday.” Roxas' head was buried in his phone, but he managed to artfully avoid every crack and dip in the pavement as he spoke. 

You looked ahead to see Axel walking with Aqua and Terra. They stood out amongst everyone, seeing as how tall they were. Terra easily standing several inches above Axel, you wanted to ask how tall he was but you didn’t want to seem weird. Your eyes darted between the three of them, mentally rehearsing shitty pickup lines you would try to use on them. It was harmless to let your mind wander on the walk, the sound of the waves made it too easy to daydream. 

You were shook out of that daydream as you felt yourself run into something firm and cinnamon-scented. You let out a tiny shrill as you stepped back, shaking your head a little. Roxas’ laugh soundtracked your shock. 

“We gotta stop running into each other like this.” Axel turned to put a hand on your shoulder. You were reminded of your late night walk when you did the same stupid fucking thing. “You okay?”

You needed to pay better attention.

“Yeah, sorry.” You rubbed your nose a little. “Why’d you stop walking?” You heard Roxas say something utterly rude to you, but paid no mind as he ran to catch up to Sora and the rest, Kairi close behind.

“No, I’m sorry.” Axel chuckled a little. “Just wanted to see how the train ride was since we didn’t get to chat when I got here.” 

You realized you had a hard time meeting his eyes, whether it be from still being self-conscious about running into him or the fact he was wearing his hair down, you couldn’t tell quite yet. Instead you focused on the kites flying in the distance while you talked.

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I feel like I’m indestructible after my near 8 hour ride when I first moved to Twilight Town.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” He laughed and you were reminded of how much you loved that sound. “You liking it? Hopefully we haven’t scared you into wanting to move back.” 

“I love it!” Trying to nod without seeming too overzealous.” You guys have made my time there so nice.” 

“Some more than others?” He elbowed you a little and you laughed. 

You finally looked up to see his eyes, bright and cat-like. Mischievous and twinkling.

“Who can say?” You tossed your hair behind your shoulder, watching the curl of his lips as he smiled. 

++

The restaurant was exactly what you needed. Big portions, strong drinks, and this appetizer plate that you asked for one more of because it was just that fucking good. 

Your waitress was absolutely flustered, making her even more adorable than she already was. When you told her your party size was 11, she ran to grab two other waiters to mesh a few tables together for you. The restaurant wasn’t terribly busy, but they obviously weren’t prepared for a large group to come in. When she brought you all menus you gently brushed your hand over hers, thanking her for accommodating you all so quickly. Her blush was barely hidden in the sultry lighting.

You were seated between Axel and Xion. She insisted you sit next to her because she “missed you” which you silently thanked her for because it gave you the chance to be squished in a seat next to the red-head, who was partially picking at your food. 

“Stop stealing!” Playfully swatting his hand.

“No, my salad is icky and I like your food better.” He dug a fork into the small shrimp on your plate. He used his free hand to deter yours from stopping him, picking another up and shoving it into his mouth.

You were on your second glass of wine, having quickly downed a long island iced tea when you sat down, which was regrettably a mistake because you found yourself to be super handsy and overly giggly. Xion matched you with the wine, but her poor, reddened face gave it away that she was definitely a little more than tipsy. She laughed out loud when she missed her mouth, hitting the side of her cheek with her fork. 

Ventus and Roxas were both “saving their livers” for their actual birthday night in a couple days, opting to just have a beer for the night. When Sora told Roxas he’d buy him a shot tonight, Ventus’ recalled to the entire table how Roxas once threw up immediately after taking a shot of Jose Cuervo. You thought it was ungodly amusing. Roxas did not.

Aqua poured herself and Terra another glass of wine from the bottle they were sharing, and you commented on the way she flicked her wrist to turn the bottle at the end of the pour.

“It’s a habit when you’re a server.” She nodded her head towards Axel, who was stealing another bite from your plate. “Or a bartender, right?”

“Yeah, you learn all the tricks. You also see everyone come in with their weird drink combos, like you,” he patted you on the leg and you wished for a second his hand would go higher, “Ms. Tequila and Grapefruit before noon.”

A few laughs from the table, but you were already giggling too loud to hear.

“I like to drink, okay?” You set your wine glass down as you polished the last bit off. “You’re not stopping me, so that means you’re just enabling it”

Poor Xion was begging Naminé if she could drink some of her water, totally pink in the face. You slid her yours because you obviously weren’t interested in hydrating yourself with anything non-alcoholic at the moment.

Terra poured a bit of wine from his and Aqua’s bottle into your glass. He barely had to make an effort to lean over the table to get to you. 

Aqua nudged him a little with her arm. “Uh oh, now you’re enabling her too.” 

You picked up the glass and quickly took a sip, making direct eye contact with Terra as you did. “I don’t mind.” You licked a stray droplet from your lips.

“You better stop now before I have to carry you home.” Your face was already flushed from the alcohol, but the way Axel leaned his body toward yours when he spoke to you made you feel a few degrees hotter. 

“Is that a promise?” You faced him, keeping your voice as much of a whisper as your less-than-sober state would allow you.

You barely missed the way Roxas’ head perked up, gaze falling over you hearing your exchange with Axel.

You thought for a second that maybe he looked jealous.

Maybe your vision was just blurry from the wine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you!


	5. if you weren't mine i'd be jealous of your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _it's me, your little Venice bitch_
> 
> ice cream, volleyball, Western films

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS. i am SO sorry this took forever. To be totally honest with you guys i had some medical shit come up, work was rough, and so was home life. I'm hopeful that it's getting better but I don't wanna jinx anything. I also decided i have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. I re-read it about 10 times, changed the ending, changed the middle, changed the ending again. I couldn't decide what I wanted and it was HELL. hopefully the wait was worth it and you guys find it worthy of reading lmao
> 
> i appreciate you guys so much, enjoy!

The last person you actually remember having what you would refer to as a “legitimate crush” was a boy who worked at the counter of a shitty gas station down the street from your house when you were 19. He was easily a few years older than you, and while older men interested as much as they intimidated you, he didn’t strike you as the “mature” type. He choked on his words, sputtering the amount due as he rang out your snacks. 

There was something in the way he could barely make eye contact with you that struck you, and you found yourself going to the gas station more often to even just catch a glimpse of him working. The first time you really spoke to him, you had, with extreme excitement and sloppiness, filled up a large cup with cherry slushie and went to the front counter to pay. You made sure your shirt was cropped just a little higher, and your shorts a tad shorter than usual. 

Your scarlet stained tongue ran across your lips as he told you your total, slowly digging the munny out of your shirt, his pupils widening when he saw where your hand was reaching. You told him your name, he, in a mass of stuttering and poor eye contact, told you his. When you asked what time he was off, he mumbled “10” and you told him you’d be back.

When you returned later than night the poor thing was almost too nervous to say anything to you. But he was kind enough to let you sit in his car and talk to him for an hour about why you thought The Doors were one of the best bands ever. The eye contact improved certainly over the course of the night, but he fumbled his words, even with something as simple as a “yeah”. He drove you home a little after 2 am and when you invited him to come up to your room, hand on his thigh, he nearly crashed into your mailbox.

“Just kidding!” You laughed, hopping out of his car. Blowing him a kiss as you walked up your driveway, you watched as he sat for a second before backing out and driving off. You felt overwhelmingly accomplished.

By the next week, the two of you had progressed to making out in the backseat of his car.

The following week you snuck him into your room at midnight and let him take off your panties.

The week after that he was gone. You didn’t see his car parked at the gas station anymore, and when you had asked the other attendant where he was, he couldn’t give you a solid answer. Something about college or university or… you hadn’t the mind to pay attention.

You walked home, letting the slushie in your hand melt down to pitiful flavored water. You didn’t even get his phone number or anything.

You hated the word “crush”.

++

Your night out with everyone was cut short when Xion suddenly got up in the middle of dinner and ran to the restroom, hand covering her mouth. Luckily you were already there, washing your hands when she rushed in. You damn near jumped when the door flung open. The poor girl couldn’t even close the stall door before bowing over the toilet and throwing up all the wine from earlier. 

You held her hair, patted her shoulder, and told her in a hushed voice you didn’t think she was lame, though she kept asking you in between violent heaves if you thought she was.

“Roxas is always the one to throw up.” Another intense hurl, you saw tears stream down her face. “Not me.”

You hid your chuckle behind a shushing noise, trying to get Xion to not talk because you didn’t want her accidentally choking on her own puke. As much as you hated vomit, you couldn’t leave her alone. You recalled your various drunken nights, throwing up in the most heinous of places, no one to hold your hair or wipe your smeared eyeliner. Giving the proper care to Xion was your top priority for the night.

She was certainly a sight though, having only ever seen her demure and polite side. So holding her back from falling face first into the toilet was vastly different from how you would’ve expected this evening to go. 

You hummed while rubbing small circles into Xion’s back. The Doors quietly played over the speakers in the restroom, soundtracking a few fond memories you pulled to the forefront of your mind while easing the raven-haired girl through her moment of weakness. 

Xion had seemed to stablize herself enough to quit barfing after a few rounds. You lost track of time but you hummed through about 4 other songs playing over the bathroom speakers. You had, by this point, made yourself comfortable, sitting on the edge of the toilet, after you made sure Xion had gotten the majority of the vomit out of her system. She was stuck between mumbling “thank you” and telling you that you didn’t have to stay with her. A pitiful sight really. You felt for her.

You heard the door to the restroom opened, and you were suddenly overcome with unease. You didn’t want whatever poor patron coming in to relieve themselves to hear (or smell) the mess that Xion had unleashed in the next stall over. You kept your eyes on the floor under the stall door, seeing an oddly familiar pair of shoes stop abruptly outside.

“Xion?” A couple soft knocks. Aqua.

You lightly pushed the stall door open with your foot, seeing the bluenette’s face on the other end, contorted into a look of worry. You sheepishly smiled, hand continuing to rub little circles into Xion’s back to comfort her.

“I knew she was going to be sick.” Aqua sighed, opening the door the rest of the way. She stood in the doorway, gently putting her hands on Xion’s shoulders.

“I think she’s got most of it out now. She probably just needs water and rest.” 

You couldn’t tell if Aqua was just worried, or if she was mad. You tried to deter her from being either by asking her if she could take your card out of your purse to pay for your food while you helped Xion up on her feet.

Aqua pulled Xion, who was nearly passed out by now, up and tried to steady the girl under her arm. “The boys got it already, don’t worry about it.”

Your head perked up a little as you straightened Xion’s hoodie out and made sure she could stand up. You needed to make sure she was conscious enough to walk, at least until you all got out of the restaurant. “The guys paid for everything?” 

The thought of Axel paying for your food _ again _not only made you feel extremely guilty, but extremely flattered he would do such a thing for you a second time. You hoped this meant that maybe he was a little interested in you, since you obviously were in him. Though you couldn’t quite put your finger on if “interested” was the right word to use. 

Aqua nodded, right before telling you that you guys were gonna sneak out the back door before any of the restaurant employees saw you. It would save you the trouble of walking through a crowded restaurant with an incapacitated drunk girl in your arms.

Luckily for the three of you, the restrooms were probably only 10 feet from the back exit of the restaurant, so you slipped out with ease. Aqua could carry Xion on her own, all you needed to do was open doors and make sure you had a straight path out. You ran into a server on their smoke break who gave you the most unimpressed of stares, but you quickly dismissed it in favor of getting the mumbling Xion out into the open air. 

By now she was a bit more awake, she could at least half-stumble, half-walk, but she reeked of vomit and was obviously dehydrated.

“Hey! Here!” Roxas caught your eye in the distance, waving you over to the rest of the group, patiently standing in the back parking lot of the establishment.

Terra and Axel were the first to come rushing over to you, making sure you were all okay and cracking open a cold water bottle to try and get Xion to rehydrate herself. You admired how sweet everyone was to her, though the more you thought about it, the funnier the whole situation was. Was a half bottle of wine enough to make anyone sick?

Namine attested to it though by saying she rarely drinks, making you silently laugh even more because why then, would she drink like that in the first place? 

It was a wholesome sight though, to see how Sora draped his jacket over her and Terra hoisted her into his arms with ease. They all really did love their friend, it was endearing as much as it was amusing.

_ Is that what I have to do to get someone to fucking hold me? _

++

The walk back to the beach house was oddly fast considering how everyone seemed to be walking at such a lackadaisical pace. Your buzz from the alcohol had long since faded, which was utterly disheartening because you had high hopes of keeping it going the whole night. You considered slipping away to find a store to go buy another bottle of...something after everyone went to sleep. 

You made a small, excited squeak, earning a look from Kairi. Remembering you brought some mini alcohol bottles with you on the trip. You were suddenly in a great mood again. Kairi asked if you were alright, tapping you on the arm. You dismissed your squeak with a wave, you were just dandy.

You felt light, and still a little giggly, so you embraced the feeling, knowing it probably wouldn’t last much longer. You envisioned yourself on the beach behind the house, ready to kick your shoes off and wiggle your toes in the sand.

You tossed around the idea of asking Axel to join you, but he was currently in the middle of carrying Xion on his back, opting to give Terra a break early on in the walk. He and Roxas were concerned with her. It was sweet, you could certainly tell how good of friends they all were. 

You also found Xion puking so much and nearly knocking herself out over such a menial (to you) amount of alcohol to be tremendously laughable, but you didn't want to mark yourself as the asshole by laughing at her. So instead you folded your arms behind your back and inhaled the warm salt drifting in the ocean air, eyeing the waves delicately lap the shore in the distance. 

You lost yourself for a moment in the glow of some small bonfires that dotted long the beach to the point where the small taps on your shoulders turned to a delicate shake to get your attention. 

Aqua still had that mild look of concern on her face, but it softened to a smile when you turned to her. 

“You’re a good friend, you know?” Aqua fell back from the group ahead, keeping a steady pace with you. You noted how she was at least a head taller than you when she walked right beside you.

“Nah, I just…” _ Am I a good friend? _ “Puking sucks so I wanted to be there for her.”

Aqua’s laugh was soft enough to only garter attention from one other person up ahead, Terra, who turned his head back slightly towards the two of you. He let himself trail behind everyone as well, taking a spot on the other side of you. His presence was strangely comforting.

“She’s okay, just need to keep water in her.” Terra’s laugh, along with Aqua’s was comparable to the fluttering of angel wings. “I guess not everyone can put it down like you.”

You stifled your laugh, anxious it wasn’t nearly as pleasing as theirs, and anxious that everyone seemed to somehow pin you as the alcoholic of the group already. 

“That wasn’t even ‘putting it down’,” it wasn’t, you could do so much more damage. “I feel bad though, I thought maybe she was trying to keep up.”

Terra shrugged a little, he seemed fairly nonchalant about the whole ordeal, and so you followed suit. Shrugging in response.

The warm wisps of wine still floated through you, begging you to be a little flirty with the two of them. You had yet to really get the chance to know them, and what better way to do so then by breaking the ice and complimenting Terra on his muscles and Aqua on her smile. You could do it. You really could, but you held back for now. 

++

Salt nipped at your toes and your lips, you dug one hand into the sand next to you, the other harshly clasped around a glass you stole from the house. 

You commissioned Ventus to buy you a small bottle of juice from the convenience store, a trip he, Aqua, and Terra made to buy crackers and other necessities for Xion. You knew the tiny liquor bottles you stored in your purse would come in handy on this trip. This occasion was perfect reason to break one out. It took you a minute to convince Kairi the drink was to wash down a melatonin to help you sleep, and most certainly not to stay drunk until the wee hours of the morning. 

You managed to squeeze yourself out of your window and strode down to the beach, wanting to keep your little buzz going while enjoying the waves.

You were thankful the beach was really only a few feet from the house, you could walk out and almost immediately hit the sand right after the stretch of promenade that laid itself in front of the backyard. Waiting until the majority of the house was asleep before sneaking out, you saved yourself from walking all the way down to the water, fearing the cold from the water might make this late night refresher a little too refreshing. It was already a bit nippy outside, but the alcohol licked at your skin, warming you from the inside out. 

Slinging the last bit of juice from the cup down your throat, you set the glass in the sand and let yourself lean back, letting your eyes drift close, the sound of the waves lapping the sand cradling you.

You likened your state to falling asleep in a car or on a train, you weren’t totally unconscious, you could hear everything around you, but the concept of time passing was totally lost. It was calm, it was serene, and the last coherent thought to cross your mind was the possibility of the waves washing you away if you stayed out here all night.

“You lazy bum.” 

You nearly jolted awake. You could’ve sworn the voice came from above you, but upon opening your eyes there was no one to be seen. 

“I knew I’d find you snoozing down here.” Your eyes quickly darted to the side, turning your head to see the one and only bane of your existence taking a spot next to you on the sand. 

“Gimme a break, Axel.” You placed a hand over your heart, attempting to calm yourself as he merely laughed. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

He picked up the glass you had half buried into the sand, feeling slightly embarrassed when he smelled it, watching the tiny pieces of sand fall from the cup into his lap. 

“Figured the little lush might have escaped when I knocked on her door and no one answered.” His characteristically sly grin was painted on his face.

You groaned. You didn’t mean to outwardly groan that loud, but you did. A rightful reaction to Axel and the entire house pinning you as the village drunkard. Sitting upright, feeling the little bits of sand trickle from your hair down you arms and back. “What were you knocking at my door for anyway?” You came across as sounding annoyed, you were sure.

Axel defensively raised his hands up, a white flag. “Just wanted to see if all the excitement from earlier had knocked you out cold.”

You weren’t sure quite what he meant by that statement, but you needed any other sort of thought to get you out of the headspace you were in right now. “Is Xion okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. She’s fine. She can’t handle her liquor very well but I guarantee she’ll be fine in the morning.” Axel’s knee bumped against yours. “You gonna be okay? You’ve had more than all of us combined.”

You smirked, bumping his knee back. “I’m the resident alcoholic, remember? I’ll be just fine.”

Axel laughed, throwing a half-assed “sorry” your way for his less-than-appreciated jokes. It didn’t help your case though that you snuck onto the beach with a stolen glass of liquor from the house. In our defense, as you explained to him, you didn’t want to raise any eyebrows so that’s why you came out here alone.

At this point in the night though you were really feeling it. The drink you had made pushed you into a slightly hazy state of mind. One that begged you to clamour yourself into Axel’s lap and demand he shelter you from the cold ocean air. You considered for a moment, how easy it would be to slip on top of him, press your lips to his, and fall back down into the sand together.

His words faded in and out to you, whatever he was talking about becoming lost in your less than wholesome juice-induced thoughts. 

Your fogged mental state allowed you to only catch the last half of his ramble, assuming you couldn't get away with shallow nods of your head for much longer. 

“So when are you gonna tell me about your sordid past?” Axel rested his arms on his knees, you could feel his eyes on you.

Attempting to brush it off with a laugh. “Sordid past?” Was this a crime film. “What the hell are you talking about?” You rued the thought of talking about this in your toasted state, fearing your loose, wet lips might say something you weren’t ready to disclose. How would you run this time?

“I don’t know. You always seem to avoid the question, don’t you?” He wasn’t wrong. “Kairi doesn’t even know where you’re from, and you two seem like total bosom buddies.

What would he say if you told him? Wasn’t this the perfect type of scene to do this sort of thing, reveal your backstory to a close member of your party? 

You mused to yourself,you thought about tapping Axel’s leg again with your own. Instead you wrapped your arms around your legs, tugging them closer to you. “Why do you care?”

Your answer must have shocked him a bit, you felt a bit of tension in the air, and now you felt a pang of unsease on answering his question with one of your own. You felt his eyes bore into you a bit.

“Listen, I’m not prying, just wanting to get to know you more.” Now you felt like a dick. “You don’t have to tell me.”

You were fidgeting now, unsure of how to feel or how Axel was feeling. You didn’t mean to sound defensive when he asked you, but now you felt his own defensiveness in response. 

It was gonna come out. Something was gonna come out. Alcohol creeped at the back of your throat and you weren’t sure if it was word vomit or actual vomit.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He repeated, your silence wasn’t making this easy.

You sighed, forcing yourself to look at him. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet, I don’t think.” 

Your answer shocked him a bit more this time. His eyes burned into you, but you admired that shade of green so much. You watched him struggle for a second, before his expression softened.

“I can respect that.” The way he softly punctuated his sentence with your name lifted a tiny bit of weight off your shoulders. “We all have things we like to keep private.”

You nodded. You felt small, you felt embarrassed, but you were relieved you told him how you felt. Your past wasn’t bad, it wasn’t sordid for sure, but some matters of life were better left unsaid, at least for the moment.

“Sorry if it seemed like I was pushing you.” He rubbed the back of his head, his little smile seeping back into his features. It made you mimic his expression. 

“No, I’m sorry that it seems like I’m hiding something.” 

It was soft, but you felt a hand on your shoulder. You wanted to lean into his touch but instead you fidgeted again, clicking your nails together as you sat.

“You wanna head back?” Axel hadn’t moved, but he felt a little closer to you.

You nodded again. Taking his hand as he got up and reached out to help you up. You could’ve died right then and there because he didn’t let go, he held your hand all the way up to the beach house, even though it was only about a 45 second walk.

You reached for the backdoor of the house, but Axel beat you to it, opening the door quietly for you, making a shushing motion to be quiet before entering. You covered your mouth, hiding your smile as you crept inside. He still held your hand as you fumbled around in the darkness, trying to find your way around. 

You were thankful for the dark, because you were sure your face was as red as a tomato. 

You exchanged, what you assumed in the dark, a few longing glances at each other before parting ways to your separate rooms, wishing that you had the stamina to tell him to come in for the night. You told yourself you might wait until tomorrow.

Entering your room as silently as you could, your foot clinked against something small and glass on the floor. You gasped slightly, reaching to turn on your lamp, seeing it was one of the mini liquor bottles that had rolled out of your purse onto the floor. 

You didn’t want to reach down to grab it, not yet. You cradled your hand against your chest, trying not to let your fingers forget the way Axel’s felt against them.

The thought hit you right as you got into bed for the night.

_ I left the fucking cup on the beach._

++

The morning sun had woken you up before your alarm even went off, which was surprising to you because you had set to wake you up early, never wanting to face the embarrassment of oversleeping again. You weren’t hungover but you would readily admit that your head wasn’t feeling the greatest and you could definitely vomit if you so pleased.

You stepped out of your room and took a look around, no one else was up yet. You desperately wanted to take a shower and wash the feeling of crust from your body. 

The issue was that there was only a half bath downstairs, besides the one in the master bedroom, which you weren’t about to barge into the room to use. You made your way down the hall, dying to wash your face.

Your footsteps slowed a little as you passed by the master bedroom, which you knew was occupied by Terra and Aqua. You swore you heard a voice, and you were innocently just curious to hear what they were talking about. But after a few more seconds of listening, you came to realize it wasn’t simply talking. No, it was a few breathy pants and moaned words coming from the other end of the door. You rushed yourself to the bathroom, urgently needing to douse your face with cold water.

You remembered Riku’s words about why Ventus wouldn’t want to share a room with the two of them. It was probably smart of him to have chosen to room with Sora and Riku, unless they were in some weird throuple and it was all planned from the start. 

Their room along with Kairi and Namine’s room as well as the room Axel, Xion, and Roxas all shared were upstairs. If anyone was going to be in ployamourous union it would be them, but alas Roxas did debunk those thoughts before, so you figured you could trust him. You didn’t want to imagine what weird noises you’d be hearing from the upstairs now if that wasn’t true. 

You were at a standstill. You were desperate to cleanse yourself but weren’t quite brave enough to venture upstairs to use the bathrooms, nor walk in on whatever the fuck Aqua and Terra were doing. You did, however, remember Kairi mentioning something about an outdoor shower. 

Alone, outside, the potential of having someone accidentally see you naked? Sounded like complete heaven to you. 

After washing your face, you snagged a towel from below the sink and made your way outside to the side of the house, sure enough to find a small looking wooden outhouse-looking room attached to the wall. 

The water felt amazing, and you loved the little bit of freedom you felt from being naked outside, even if you were only mildly paranoid someone could somehow see you through the cracks in the outhouse. Trying to relieve the thought, you kneaded shampoo through your long locks, relishing in the feeling of the warm water spilling over your body.

Your thoughts wandered back to last night. Back to the mild stress of almost unburying your past with Axel, and the innocence of him sitting next to you in the sand. After your small beach tryst, you felt like maybe you were a bit closer to Axel than before. You remembered the fondness of him holding your hand, and begged yourself not to call what you had on him a crush. You hated that word.

++

After breakfast, everyone decided to part ways for a bit to do their own thing. Kairi made it a point to put everyone into a mass group chat so everyone could keep in touch and meet back up later. Silently relieved that now you had Axel’s number without having to ask for it, but struggling with the idea of actually texting him, because why would anything that involved him be easy for you?

Everyone seemed to almost immediately know where they wanted to go and who they wanted to go with. You grit your teeth, not wanting to intrude on anyone’s plans, nor bud yourself in where you weren’t necessarily wanted. It made you anxious even thinking about it. 

Pushing your chair in, you hesitated a little longer than normal, swinging your bag over your shoulder and checking your phone, half hoping the extra second to leave the breakfast cafe would either present you with request out or give you the chance to slip away from everyone without feeling bad for being unwanted. 

With still no voice calling out your name, you slipped your sunglasses over your face and headed to the entrance. 

“You take forever, you know?” Roxas stood by the door, holding it open for you. You stopped in front of him for second, sparing him a confused glance. Was he waiting for you? 

“Let’s go.” He hover-handed the small of your back to get you out the door. When he winced at the bright sunlight you wanted to laugh at him for not having any shades. Instead you asked him if he stood by because he was waiting for you.

“Yeah, we wanna go get ice cream.” You stared at him again. 

“Who is we?” 

He pointed up ahead to Axel and Xion, standing over a small bridge, staring down at the water below. 

You totally got that he was implying for you to come with them, but you thought it would be funny to drag it out and annoy him. You wanted to hear him say it.

“I still don’t get what you want from me.” You resisted the urge to smile so bad, you felt the corners of your mouth tug.

He made the most irritated tongue-click in response. “I want YOU to be with us. Fuck.”

You laughed out loud. A quick laugh, to which you covered your hand with your mouth and giggled and how he rolled his eyes and immediately turned on his heel to walk away from you.

Roxas was cute normally, albeit annoying, but he was even cuter when he was angry. You tried to catch his shoulder with your free hand as you left the cafe. Axel and Xion looked your way, you waved to them with your free hand. 

“I’ll do whatever you want birthday boy, it’s your trip.” Trailing behind him gave Roxas the perfect opportunity to allow the pink dust of a blush creep over his cheeks.

++

The ice cream in question that the three of them raved about was, to you, just that… questionable. The appearance was normal but the name wasn’t ideally what you had in mind Sea salt. You imagined dirty ocean water and vanilla, it didn’t sound appealing to you in the least. But Xion in her poor, hungover state with her big puppy dog eyes really had you fucked up. You paid for everyone’s ice cream AND even a small bag of taffy for the road, making sure the store attendant only gave you the flavors that had NO hint of saltwater in them.

“Wow, you rich or something?” Axel teased, elbowing you in the side lightly.

“I’m well off.” You joked back, handing him the ice cream. He wasn’t acting too different from usual, which you took as your que to not act like he could sense your pathetic crush. Maybe your midnight rendezvous hadn’t struck a note with him like it did with you.

This was the part now where you were unsure what to do. You hadn’t “crushed” on anyone in years, and the last few romantic encounters you had with people were so brief and ordered that you weren’t quite sure how the whole pursuing phase went. You were used to people pursing you by means of money in your hand and lips on your neck, but you were quite sure things with Axel wouldn’t go this way.

You didn’t want them to at least. You had yourself convinced he was something of a catch. Cool, funny, and he worked with alcohol which was actually sick because you loved the stuff. You weren’t terribly fond of the idea of a relationship, since you were so unsure on how to go about it, but you felt like you could get into the idea of monogamously flirting with Axel and seeing how things went. 

Maybe you’d try to get him alone tonight and-

_ Oh my god. _

Your train of thought fucking flew out the window once you saw how Axel was handling his ice cream. He probably didn’t mean to make it seem that lewd, and it probably wasn’t in reality, but your intimacy-depraved brain blew the image of him swirling the ice cream around in his mouth way out of proportion. 

You watched the way the ice cream poked at the inside of his cheek, the way his lips smacked against the cold, soft surface. You were mesmerized at the way his tongue swiped a droplet from the corner of his mouth, and the fact that you believed he could definitely deep-throat that thing without any issue. You considered the whole thing a religious experience and could only tear your eyes from such an idolic scene for Xion who tugged at your sleeve, asking softly if she could have a piece of taffy.

You wanted to trade her, taffy for info on what gives Axel the right to eat ice cream like that in public. But the glance he gave you at the last second before you turned to dig the candy out of your bag shut you up real quick. 

Xion’s voice was still a little shaky from last night, but you heard her clearly when she asked what had you so flustered.

“I-I’m not flustered.” You tried to slow the frantic way you pulled the taffy from your bag, a tell-tale sign you were completely belligerent over how sexual a scene it was to watch Axel eat that ice cream. You resisted the urge to turn your head to look again, instead focusing on handing Xion the candy and watching her eat that.

She hummed pleasantly as soon as she started chewing on the candy. It was cute really, her eyes closed as she cocked her head to the side. You placed the remaining taffy into your bag and took a lick of your own ice cream. You resisted the urge to hollow out your cheeks while you sucked on it, maybe you’d leave that for later on something more practical.

“How’re you feeling, Xion?” 

She seemed hesitant to say anything, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry about last night.” She could barely meet your eyes with hers. “I didn’t mean to get so sick.”

“It’s okay.” You had been there one too many times before. You didn’t want her to feel bad for it, nor make her feel the need to be embarrassed about the whole situation. “We’ve all done it. All I care about is that you’re feeling good now.”

She finally looked at you. Her eyes a little sad, but you saw that small sliver of a sparkle in them. “I feel fine today.” Nodding in response to your question. “You’re a good friend, thank you.” 

There it was again, the F word. The one that you continually doubted yourself on. 

Xion laced her arm through yours, making you jump a little in response. But she soothed you with a sweet, almost sleepy, closed-eye smile. Her other hand laced her fingers with yours, and in a matter of seconds she was glued to you, laying her head down against your bare shoulder for support.

You barely noticed the cooled droplets of melted ice cream dripping down your fingers. Struggling to lick them from your hand without looking like a total slob, keeping Xion balanced on your arm as well. 

“All right lovebirds, you ready to go?” Axel called from the door of the ice cream shop, Roxas close behind as Xion looked to them, hurrying to catch up, not once letting go of your arm.

You decided to let her lead the way and enjoy the leisurely pace, all the while enjoying your sea salt ice cream, that was actually quite pleasant you had decided, for more reasons than one.

++

While it was sweet of Axel, Xion, and Roxas to invite you to tag along with them, and even sweeter to ask you what you would like to do, you hadn’t been to the beach in years, so “sunbathing” was really the only response you could think of.

“You’re so boring! You don’t wanna do anything adventuros?” You were used to Roxas’ snide comments by now. You were starting to find them slightly endearing, the way he badgered you about everything.

“I mean, I’m always down to go babe-watching on the sand.” You shrugged a little, feeling Xion’s grip on you loosen a bit. 

“I’m down.” When you looked at Axel he had that smug grin painted on his face again. Like he knew you were about to play a game.

“Yeah I wanna collect sea shells!” At least Xion was excited about it. You were happy she seemed less timid than earlier.

“You guys are so lame.” Roxas sighed. You shrugged again. 

“I wanna change into a swimsuit though before we go.” Ingenious really. You could show off a little to Axel and also get some sun bathing in. Maybe it would ignite another spark within him and you two could find yourselves in the sand again tonight, though hopefully a bit closer this time.

It was decided, and the four of you walked down the promenade back to the house to change.

++

You were still a bit hot and bothered from watching Axel suck down his ice cream, and the mental strain of telling yourself to behave was wearing you down. But you couldn’t just outwardly throw yourself at the red-head, though you so desired to. 

The thought of making the first move was a little much for you in your current situation. A voice pulled at the back of your mind, telling you things like he’s not actually into you and you’re trying to hard. You were hoping he would make the first move. Was the hand holding last night the first move? If that was the case maybe the next step would be marriage.

You gave yourself one extra glance over in the mirror, making sure you combed through your hair, and put just the right amount of no-makeup makeup on… along with sunblock and aloe that you neatly tucked into a small beach bag with a towel. Better to be safe than sunburnt. 

++

The walk onto the beach, while short, also consisted of you staring at the muscles on Axel’s back, watching how they bunched when he held his water bottle to his lips. You held your sandals neatly in your hands, a good deterrent from reaching out and caressing his back while you walked a few paces behind the other three. 

You, to no surprise really, ran into the other guys, along with Aqua and Namine. Kairi and Sora were nowhere to be seen, which to be quite honest wasn’t much of a surprise to you. You mentally hoped that at least someone would get some action on this trip. 

Everyone was locked in an intense match of beach volleyball, besides Namine who sat neatly on a beach towel under the shade of a parasol, sketching once again. 

“You gonna play me in a match?” Axel once again had that sly grin painted on his lips.

“Why would I play against you when I could cheer you on from the sidelines?” You made sure your ass was in full view, spinning on your heel sauntering over to where Namine sat. Laying out your own beach towel to take a seat on. 

“You dont wanna play with them?” Namine didn’t even look up from her sketchbook, switching between different colored pencils.

“I’m more of a watcher than a player.” You settled onto the towel, sitting criss-cross. 

You cheered everyone on from the sidelines. You declared yourself an ex-professional woo-girl, gaining a laugh from Namine, and Xion, who had decided one round was enough.

Aqua managed to spike the ball hard over the net, right towards Riku who totally failed at sending it back to her.

“Yeah! Go Aqua!!” You stood up, neary knocking poor Xion over in your excitement. You cupped your hands around your mouth, calling her name, much to the boys’ dismay, especially Axel who yelled over you that you should’ve been cheering for his team.

Aqua threw a quick ‘Thanks girl!’ over her shoulder before serving the ball and starting another match.

“Do you like Axel?” Xion asked you as you started to sit back down. 

You were nearly stunned into the sand.

“What do you mean? I like all of you guys!” You tried to play dumb, though you weren’t totally kidding when you said you liked everyone. You just liked Axel _ more _.

“Well yeah, we like you too.” Xion leaned a little more towards you this time. “But like… do you have a crush on Axel?”

Namine looked still didn’t look up from her sketchbook, but you noticed the way her drawing had significantly slowed in pace.

You weren’t about to admit that in front of anyone, especially not a group of people who were all close with each other and who all talked to one another on a regular basis. What good would saying yes to all that be in front of Axel’s best friend no less?

But also… maybe it would be kinda fun to see what came of it all.

“Hmm.” You put a finger to your chin and pretended to think. “I never really thought about it, he is handsome though, huh?” 

Xion giggled, and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I guess maybe I do.” Now it was her turn to be put on the spot. “Why’d you ask, Xion?”

She fumbled for a second, obviously not able to come up with a good answer. You grew impatient, and decided to change the subject by taking her hand, standing up. 

“Let’s go play with the water, okay? Bye Namine!”

As soon as Xion stood up your were dragging her to the waves. 

You screamed a little too loud, Xion splashing cold water at your back, not missing the way the guys’ heads turned to watch the two of you giggling girls roughhousing in the water.

You felt like you had just started a game. You half hoped Xion would run to Axel and tell him how you felt. Maybe this was what you needed to get the ball rolling on this “crush” thing. Eager to see where it led, and eager to get him alone at some point during this trip. For now you’d wait. 

You splashed a bit of water onto Xion. She reached out for you, just barely blocking her hand from grabbing the tie of your bikini top.

++

Dinner for tonight turned out to be a one woman show, much to your disappointment. You had been craving sushi and hoped that maybe you could convince Axel to go with you. But in whatever unfortunate circumstances the universe laid out for you, he had already left the house with some of the others. 

You let out a pathetically over-dramatic sigh as you slipped on your booties and slung your purse over your shoulder.

“How can you sound so depressed when you’re on vacation?” You hadn’t intended for anyone else to hear your sigh but you.

Terra stood in the walkway, lazily munching on a small bag of pretzels, watching you get ready to leave.

You smiled bashfully, waving your hand in slight dismissal. “I’m not depressed silly. Just hungry.” 

Terra dumped the rest of the bag into his mouth, crumpling the plastic up in his hand and tossing it in the waste bin next to the door. He had a few crumbs around his mouth when he asked if you wanted company for dinner, making it truly terrible to try and resist him.

“Just us?” You asked. Not saying you were hopeful he’d say yes, but you wouldn’t turn down a chance to get to know the resident beefcake a little better.

“You want it to just be us?” He was so tall you had to crane your neck just be able to look him in the eyes.

Would it be weird to say yes? You really wanted to, but you felt inclined to tell him to bring whoever he wanted along. So you did.

And it wasn’t hard to guess who he was going to invite, though in a way you were relieved that Aqua was going to come with. Terra was intimidating to be quite frank, and there was a small part of you that didn’t want to stir any unwanted attention from everyone else by going out to eat alone with him.

++

Sushi included Terra attempting to ask you somewhat personal questions, telling you about his workout routine, Aqua punching him in the side of the arm, and you spilling a dish of spicy mayo on the table.

When the topic came up about what you used to do back home, you opted to tell them the truth...somewhat.

“I just flirted with people until they gave me money.” 

It wasn’t totally untrue, but it was a good way to test the waters and see what giving an answer to the famed question would earn you. Which was an outward laugh from Terra and a smile and small shake of the head from Aqua.

“That sounds fun.” Aqua neatly folded her napkin in her lap, chuckling to herself. “I wish it was that easy for me.”

“Yeah honestly.” Terra added. “Give us your secrets.”

This was going much better than expected, which was honestly a total shock to you. Of course, the way they took it you assumed they probably thought you were joking, but you quickly became less apprehensive about the whole matter. 

You weren't quite sure what it was about the two of them, but there was something oddly soothing about Terra and Aqua. Besides being stunningly beautiful and a treat to the eyes, the way they spoke to you was immensely comforting. They complimented each other nicely, it wasn't much of a surprise to you that they had something special together.

A piece of you felt for that. You weren't ready to label it yearning.

You crossed and uncrossed your legs, as you usually did when you were in thought, accidentally bumping something under the table. You glanced under the surface to see Terra’s excellently sculpted legs in the supposed area where the bumping occurred. “Sorry Terra.”

“I didn’t mind, don’t worry.” He winked at you while pulling another roll from the table towards his mouth. You stared at him maybe a second longer than you should’ve, long enough for Aqua to notice, smirking at you while your eyes were still fixated on the brunette across the table from you.

++

After dinner the three of you decided to make a quick pit stop down to the boardwalk to walk off some of the calories from dinner, or whatever Aqua called it. You took whatever opportunity you could to spend more time with the two of them. You weren’t quite ready to go back and call it a night, and go back to stressing over what the rest of this trip would be like. 

They told you stories from back in the day, how Aqua started at the bistro, how she met everyone, and lots of embarrassing stories about Axel which you 100% ate up. 

“If you blackmail him don’t out us for telling you this shit.” Terra laughed as he threw an arm around Aqua. You walked beside them, hands clutched behind your back, only a little jealous you didn’t have a pair of arms around you at the moment. 

“I won’t.” You laughed in response. “I don’t ever get enough time with him to blackmail him anyway.” That came across way more sad-bitch than you intended.

“You guys seem close, though. You don’t hang out much?” 

It made sense that they didn’t know much about you, seeing as how they didn’t hang out with the group on a regular basis. That being said they surely wouldn’t know that Kairi was really the only one you spent time with. You loved Kairi of course, but you wouldn’t mind spending your time with the others. Though you were honestly still a little hesitant to make it a point to try and form a close bond with anyone else. 

Leaning your elbows against the gritty wood of the boardwalk, you shook your head. Watching the last remnants of of sun sink below the horizon line. Radiating more sad-bitch energy, you told them that you worked a lot, and still weren’t sure if everyone liked you yet. Whatever it was about the two of them, you felt like you could be honest and forward with Terra and Aqua. You wondered if they had that effect on everyone.

“Well we like you.” Terra’s voice was closer than it sounded before. You looked behind you to see the two of them standing close. 

Aqua put her hands on your shoulders, pressing her body up against your back. “We like you a lot.” Giving your shoulders a small squeeze. “Though I knew I was going to like you from the first day I met you.”

The difficulty in the situation was, in your pathetic state, trying to differentiate if the two of them were flirting with you or just trying to make you feel better. 

Your cheeks started to turn hot, but you kept your cool. “That’s a coincidence, because I totally felt the same about you.” You turned around, facing the two of them fully. The tips of Aqua’s shoes touched yours, and you took in just how close the two of them were standing. You looked up to meet both their eyes, slowly looking between the two of them, before you settled your sights on Aqua.

Okay, maybe there was a hint of flirtation in the air.

“Hey,” Terra interjected softly, your eyes slowly moving towards him. He placed a hand on the small of your back. “What about me?”

“I like you too, Terra.” You licked your lips, tasting the salt from the air.

You weren’t entirely sure what the fuck was going on, but your prior experience told you to just roll with it. Call it depravity, but if they wanted to hit on,or do a little more, you were totally okay with that.

++

Day 3 and you’d had no action. No kissing, no cuddling, not even a glance at a boob or a buttcheek or anything. You really_ were _ depraved. 

The most action you’d received was last night on the boardwalk with Terra and Aqua, which wasn’t anything but a lot of mildly PG rated talk and then heading back to the beach house. Could you count Terra bringing a soda to your room as first base? Maybe.

Your attempt at getting Axel to meet you in the outdoor shower was a total bust, as well as trying to text him to come to your room in the late, late hours of the night. You typed and erased the text about 5 times before just deciding to fuck it all together. You had given up hope that Xion had said anything to him, and that Axel was even remotely interested in you anyway.

You laid in bed, tossing the idea around in your head that a hookup was what you needed. Though you desperately wanted a vacation fling with Axel, you supposed a vacation fling with anyone would do at this point.

The problem though was with who? Did you trust yourself with anyone in this house? Did anyone in this house trust you? You mentally laid out your options in front of you. 

There was Riku. No… you couldn’t steal him from Namine. Sora might be good, he was sweet, but after you saw the hickey on Kairi’s neck and how the two of them didn’t come back to the beach house until late last night, you crossed him out of your list too. A threesome with him and Kairi might be fun, but were you prepared to cross that line with Kairi? 

The subjects of threesomes though piqued your interest You thought of one particular duo that might be up for it. 

After last night, Aqua and Terra seemed like they enjoyed your company enough that they might be down for some fun. You thought you could potentially weasel your way in without it being weird. Now it was just a matter of how to approach the whole thing.

++

You poked your head out of your door, checking to see who was out in the living room. 

_ Just the people I wanted to see. _

You saw Aqua and Terra doing what you’d label as canoodling on the couch, her legs tossed over his lap, his hand on her thigh. She had head in a book and his eyes on the TV, watching some cheesy Western film.

Both their heads turned to you, and you immediately felt a little shy with both their gazes on you.

_ Stay confident, you got this. _

“Hey.” The way Terra said your name sent a little shiver down your spine. 

You sat down on the chair next to them, leaning over onto the armrest, batting your lashes in response. “Hey.” 

“You didn’t wanna go out to the aquarium with everyone else?” Aqua set her book down, she eyed you as you sat down. “We thought you left when they did.” Her vision caught at your top, right where your nipples were so blatantly obvious in the baby blue satin. 

“Nah… seeing fish locked up makes me sad. Figured I stay home and get some extra rest in.” 

You turned your head to the tv, watching the two cowboys locked in a standoff with one another. They drew their guns at the same time, one of them giving some terribly worded speech. You heard the pages of a book idly begin to flip again. 

You played the scene in your head a few times, maybe you’d ask if you could sit on the couch with them for a better view. Ask them if they wanted to join you for a bath. The possibilities were endless and that was precisely what prickled at your nerves. What if they weren’t down for it, and the rest of the trip turned into you hiding in your room from embarrassment?

You adjusted yourself on the chair, resting your head on one armrest and your feet on the other, letting your shorts ride a little, revealing more thigh than what you walked out of the room with. You stretched your legs a little, going into a split position, hoping to catch some extra glances from the two of them

“Hey,” Aqua’s voice caught your attention. “Terra and I were going to lay down for a nap.” 

You turned your head slightly to the side to get a better look at them.

This was it. Your heart started to flutter in your chest.

“Oh? You guys tired?” 

“Something like that.” Terra’s gruff laugh sent another wave of shivers down your spine. 

_ ‘Take a nap’ my ass. _

You slowly spun yourself around, sitting upright in the chair now, leaning forward and letting your shirt fall open, just a tad. The cool air and Terra’s eyes moving down was a sign that your chest was on full display for the two of them. 

“I guess I’ll head back to my room then, I could go for a nap too.” Standing up and stretching your arms this time. Butterflies threatened to pour out of your belly button. This was your hint, your way of showing them you wanted in on whatever they had. You told yourself to play your next few moves as eloquently as possible.

“Sounds good, hun. Sweet dreams, then.” Aqua neatly placed her book on the table, shifting her legs off Terra. 

You stood still, blinking a few times.

Aqua began shuffling her way to their bedroom, Terra close in tow, he yawned as he passed you.

“Wake us up later for dinner okay?” He called before closing the door, smiling tenderly at you before shutting the door.

You were shocked. Honestly. You stood for a few moments longer, staring at the bedroom door that just closed before collapsing back into the chair behind you. 

_ It didn’t fucking work. _

Sighing, half-groaning over how defeating that all was. _ What even the fuck was that? _ You were so sure that they were going to invite you back to their room. You’d shed some skin, and then be on your way after everyone was satisfied. It seemed so simple, a flawless plan.

Who were you kidding though? You ran through the idea of hooking up with them once more in your mind before dismissing yourself as crazy. Maybe you did need a nap, and a cold shower.

A couple months of no-action must have made you utterly lose every ounce of game you assumed you still had stockpiled. You considered the possibility that you were trying too hard, leaving you feeling another wave of defeat. 

You folded your legs under you, grabbing the remote and putting on something far less Western that you could pout and internalize your hatred of yourself to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is everyone horny for re:mind??  
good.
> 
> love you all <3


	6. do you want me or do you not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _if he's a serial killer,then what's the worst  
that can happen to a girl who's already hurt?_
> 
>   
pasta, tears, and organic grocery stores

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I don't have much to say other than sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than normal. I wanted to get something out to you guys in the midst of all this chaos right now. Sorry for the delay, I've had a lot going on lmao
> 
> Hopefully this chapter is an okay apology!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe! Wash your hands and stay home babes! <3

If there was ever a time in your life where you felt your soul being sucked from your body, it paled in comparison to how you were feeling now.

This trip was supposed to help you relax, give you some time to have fun, and, what you hoped would be, the opportunity to form closer bonds with the people you came with. Though, if you were to be honest with yourself, you hadn’t experienced any of that. 

What you initially thought was boredom settling in churned its way inside of you until it morphed itself into something you hated the most; fear. You struggled to accept what it was, but ultimately you could feel the imminent rise of doom in your bones. 

It was at the base of everything you did. The reason why you always felt the need to back out of all things in your life. Jobs, relationships, people.

You called it monotony, you called it tediousness, but at its most raw form, it was a debilitating, all-encompassing fear of not belonging that had you crawling out of your skin.

You couldn’t back out of this situation though, as you traditionally always did. Your theory was always that if you could leave before things got bad, there was no way you could ever feel like you didn’t belong. But that wasn’t the case now.

You couldn’t just up and leave the beach house. 

Well… you could. But heading home early and having to face everyone when they returned wasn’t ideally what you wanted to do. And neither was packing up your apartment and moving to another city all over again to avoid them all together.

The gut-wrenching fear overtook you as you were slinging on a pair of shoes, itching to move, to get away. 

Axel hadn’t shown any interest in you beyond holding your hand that night at the beach. He spent most of his time with Xion and Roxas, and the other night when you ran into him in the hallway, making flirtatious remarks, he walked right past you to the staircase. Not to mention Kairi had preoccupied herself with Sora so far this whole trip, and you were far too embarrassed to ever attempt to hangout with anyone alone ever again. “Anyone” being Aqua and Terra specifically. You were utterly alone in a house filled with people.

Which was why when Ventus and Roxas, on the eve of their birthday, decided they wanted a home cooked meal from the self-proclaimed “top chef” Terra, you damn near jumped at the chance to get the fuck out of the house and go buy whatever groceries were needed. 

Your brain was still fizzling from your grossly-misinterpreted “opportunity” at a threesome. You were outrageously embarrassed with yourself, but you’d be damned if you’d let anyone see that in you. 

You trudged out of your room, half-accidentally, half-on purpose slamming the door behind you, making your way to the kitchen. Were you ready to avoid eye contact with everyone? You most certainly were, but there was already an obstacle in your path that commanded your attention.

“You gonna go alone?" Roxas twirled a lollipop in his mouth as he watched you. "You're gonna get lost and have to carry everything by yourself.”

You could’ve knocked the condescending smirk right off Roxas’ face as you walked past. Instead, you reached your hand out and plucked the lollipop from his mouth. 

"Don't you worry about me, birthday boy. I'll be just fine." You made sure you gave him a full view of your tongue dancing over the sucker, careful not to let the venom in your tone drip to the ground. His mouth hung slightly open as he watched you saunter past him.

You snatched the grocery list from Terra right as he set it on the counter, nearly jumping in surprise at how fast you grabbed it. You didn’t mean to startle him, but you were quick to leave as soon as you approached, the warm chagrin once again hitting you.

“This all the shit we need?” Feigning confidence, but not enough to look Terra in the face, you held the list in front of you and briefly scanned it. You only made sense of a few items while your brain felt like it was short-circuiting, you couldn’t concentrate. You had so many pairs of eyes on you right now, including the girls sitting in the dining room, that you wanted to scream. 

You turned to the door before you imploded on yourself. 

“You want someone to go with you?” 

You couldn’t exactly tell who was asking you in your fit of getting out the door, but nonetheless, you threw the quickest “No” over your shoulder, and scrambled out. 

You were clearly unsettled, and you wondered if everyone could tell or if they just thought you were being a bitch, but you hadn’t a shred of anything left in you to care. As soon as you got outside into the fresh, warm beach air, you let out the greatest exhale of breath. You felt like you had been holding it in since the day you got here.

_ After tomorrow, it’s done. We’re going back home. _

Maybe you were just being overdramatic, but that soul-sucking feeling started to overtake you once more. 

You hadn’t even realized you had been running until you started to wheeze.

You weren’t sure why you had started to run, or even where the hell you were supposed to be going. The biggest shock was how you didn’t manage to choke on Roxas’ stolen lollipop while you were sprinting

You stopped a moment to catch your breath and to GPS the nearest place to buy groceries from before you ended up lost. You didn't want to give Roxas the luxury of being right.

++

The grocery store was about as lackluster as one could be at 5pm on a weekday in a tourist-dependent town. You mapped one that supposedly had more “natural and fresh” options or...whatever. Anything to honestly get you away from that hellhole of a house for a decent amount of time. 

You innocently swung the grocery basket in your hand back and forth, entrancing the cute deli counter boy with your playful glances. His eyes flitted from your chest to your eyes more times than you could count, but you didn’t mind. You scanned the fish section a couple times, perusing like you were an _ actual _ customer, which, for all intents and purposes, you were. But you couldn’t turn down the opportunity to flirt, especially when you were hurt and hating yourself.

You were about to ask the guy how big his _ cod _was when a familiar voice brought a frown to your face before you could even turn to its source. 

Deli boy backed away from the counter, sensing your discomfort and making an effort to appear he was working as a brash and annoying blonde strode towards you.

“You’re a maniac, you know?” Roxas tried grabbing for the list in your hand, and you were nearly so flabbergasted at his actions you almost didn’t pull your hand away, almost.

“_ I’m _ a maniac?” You turned your body slightly away from his, shooting one more look at deli boy before shambling away from the counter, and from Roxas. You reminded yourself to keep your cool in a public setting, though you were dying to attack Roxas with a baguette. 

“You ran off so fucking fast.” Though he let out a small laugh, his tone hinted at his unease. This time he tried to grab for the basket in your hand, you stopped yourself from screaming at him to stop. You huffed out a breath and turned to walk away, waging war with yourself on the inside, repeating in your head over and over not to lose it. 

For once in your life you just wanted to be alone. A trip by yourself to the store was supposed to allow you some time to chill and calm the fuck down. You really hadn’t anticipated anyone trying to follow you, much less Roxas of all people. 

"I told you I was totally fine on my own, you really didn't have to stalk me all the way here." Putting emphasis on the last few words, you hoped maybe he’d get the point and let you be.

"_ Stalk you _?" You let your guard slip as you were grabbing for a box of pasta, Roxas managing to yank the paper list from between your fingers. " We all saw you fucking book it off the porch right after you walked out the door. I just wanted to be sure you were okay.” His tone, albeit annoyed, was also laced with concern. A small part of your mind told you he followed you out of general interest in your well-being, not to piss you off.

“How’d you know I’d be here? There’s plenty of other stores in the area, right?” You shot Roxas a haughty glance, stopping to idly look at a table of breads and sweets. When he didn’t answer you, you shot another hard look his way. “Stalker.”

You wanted him to leave. You felt like you could just take off running again, because right now distance sounded like the most appetizing thing to you. Your disdain for Roxas was growing by the second, but you did your best to just breathe through the situation.

“You don't always have to hide shit, you know?” 

Your attempt at damaging him came full circle, he had you cornered. 

You felt a drop in your gut, and you didn’t realize that you had been white-knuckling the grocery basket until your hand started hurting. 

Roxas had some god-forsaken way to sense how you were feeling, just as he did back in the cafe when you first met, attempting to lock yourself in the bathroom. You hated how he could read you, but most of all you just hated him right now. 

"I'm not hiding anything." Denial bubbled out of your throat. You tried to keep a couple steps ahead of him walking down the aisle, avoiding his eyes as much as you could. He kept up with your pace though, and right before you exited the pasta isle, he stood in front of you blocking your way. 

He stepped where you stepped. You sighed heavily and tried once more to get around him, but he caught your shoulder before you could. You swirled around, ready to rip him a new one and shove the grocery basket into his dick, but he got his words out quicker than you. 

"Stop fucking acting like a brat and just tell me what's wrong." His eyes were lit up with a kind of intensity that you hadn't seen before. Your breath caught in your throat, his grip on your shoulder tightened.

It was hard to make out whether it was general concern or annoyance on his face, however you were sure that you both were fed up at this point.

Your face softened a little bit, releasing your tight grip on your basket, realizing that maybe you were being a brat.

" I don't care if it sounds ridiculous, we all know you're ridiculous at this point.” His hand smoothed the spot where he had been holding onto you, your shirt a little crumpled from his grasp. “I know something is up. You didn't want to go with us to the aquarium, you’ve been holed up in your room, and anytime someone tries talking with you, you barely respond."

The thickest lump was in your throat. It hurt. You didn’t want to speak.

"I…" you didn't even know where to start this fucking conversation. "I don't know, I guess I just feel like I don't fit in with you guys."

You shook Roxas’ hand off you and walked around him to the next isle, pretending to scan the shelves like you knew what you were looking for. You felt tears prickle at your eyes, but there was no way in hell you’d do this in public, or in front of Roxas.

Again, he matched his pace with yours. When he tried to take the grocery basket out of your hand, you let him. 

"You don't fit in with us?" His tone had softened, though a bit of worry was sprinkled over it. "Why?"

_ Don’t you dare get emotional in the middle of an organic grocery store. _

"What the hell? Just because you haven't known us that long doesn't mean that you don't fit in...." Roxas grabbed a few things off the shelf. You fixated your eyes everywhere else but on him. You weren’t doing this.

"Are you upset because of Axel?"

You stood completely still. You were not. Fucking. Doing. This.

"Is that why you've been distant?" He kept going even though you hadn't uttered a single word to him. He was trying to get you to look at him. Trying to get you to respond, somehow. 

"I don't know why that would make me upset…" You could admit Axel was partly why you were feeling like you were suffocating, but you weren’t going to.

"I mean, you can't help how you're feeling." Roxas was the one sighing now. He stopped talking after that, which made you feel better, albeit a little awkward, because now it was silent between the two of you, save for The Police playing over the speakers of the grocery store. 

The silence at least gave you a moment of reprieve. The chance to collect your thoughts, and to soothe the lump that still was nestled in your throat. You followed a few paces behind Roxas, idly watching as he collected the last of the items on the list.

You pulled out your wallet at the counter before Roxas could get the chance, and handed the cashier some money. It was the least you could do, pay for everyone's groceries since you've been acting like a little bitch this whole trip.

++

The walk home provided another uncomfortable, white knuckle adventure.

"You know the other night Xion asked Axel about you."

Your grip on the grocery bag tightened. "What?"

"It wasn't anything major. She just asked him what he thought about you." Roxas shifted the bag he was holding in his hand. He glanced over at you but you kept your gaze forward, though inside you felt restless.

As badly as you wanted to know the conversation that was had, you felt like maybe it was best you didn’t know. Some things betters left unsaid or whatever that dumb saying was.

So instead you just nodded, feeling like your stomach was about to fall out of your body. What possessed him to bring this up when you were already going through a meltdown… you weren’t sure. He could read emotions, sure, but his etiquette on dealing with them was terrible.

"You’re not gonna ask what he said?" 

You expected to see a smirk across his face when you turned to look at him, but no, there was no emotion across his features.

“I don’t think I wanna know.” You turned and faced forward again, though you found it difficult to keep your head from tilting downwards. 

Roxas sighed, a little heavier than you would’ve liked to hear, and you could sense he was about to say something else that would send a wave of nausea through your body.

"I doubt he’s said anything to you, but... Axel just recently went through a really rough breakup, like... literally right before you moved to Twilight town."

If it was possible to have an epiphany and also to throw up at the same time, you had unlocked that ability.

"He took the breakup really hard. He had been dating this guy for like 4 years.” Roxas shifted the bag in his hands again, he tried looking over at you but you were determined to keep your eyes focused on anything other than him. You spotted a seagull picking apart a stray piece of bread on the ground and you wished you could've traded places with it. 

“We were all really happy that he finally found a good partner… Isa wasn't necessarily the easiest person to get along with, but Axel really loved him."

_ Loved. _

Suddenly it made sense to you why Axel was playing what you would call “hard to get”. You felt terrible that you were trying to jump his bones when the poor guy was dealing with a broken heart. You also felt terrible that you wanted to beat this Isa dude up without even knowing him.

“I’m...I hope he’s doing okay now.” You weren’t quite sure what to say, if anything at all. But the tensity of the conversation was about to swallow you whole if you didn’t say something now that you knew the truth.

You hated this. You hated hearing that Axel was hurt. You hated hearing why he was hurt. And you hated knowing that you potentially worsened his healing process by trying to push yourself onto him. You suddenly didn’t want to return back to the house.

Roxas resumed talking, though the white noise fizzling in your ears didn’t much allow you to hear what he was saying. 

"I know he’s still hurting, it’s still fresh,you know? They broke up because Isa was moving away. Well... he was the one who broke up with Axel. He wanted to try long distance, but Isa wasn't down for that. Said it wasn't worth it."

You felt like you shouldn’t be hearing this, it was too personal. You wanted to tune him out, or to tell him to stop talking about it because you were growing enormously uncomfortable, but some masochistic part of you wanted to know. 

Roxas kept going though. He explained to you that Axel doesn’t deal with his feelings all too well, and that it may be in your best interest to put aside your feelings for him at the moment. And then he paused. He paused and you felt a prickle of ice at your fingertips. You turned to him. Now it was his turn to not be able to look you in the face.

“...because that’s what Axel told Xion when she brought you up….”

There it was.

For a moment you thought you’d throw up. You directed your attention to the ground in front of you, eyes wide. The prickles of cold turned into jabbing slabs of ice into your arms and your face got incredibly hot in a matter of seconds. Panic spread through you, and the thing that you feared the most came to you, full-force, tightening its grip on you until it smothered you right there on the walk home with Roxas.

You weren’t wanted.

You hadn’t realized you had stopped walking until Roxas’ feet appeared in your line of sight.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until Roxas pulled a teardrop littered grocery bag from your arms. 

“P-please, don’t cry… I’m not good with this sort of thing.” 

When you spared a glance upwards towards him, he looked incredibly hurt. Your heartache reflected onto his features. 

“This is fucking stupid.” Your small voice quivered.

“I’m sorry.” Roxas shifted on the heels of his feet awkwardly. “I didn’t want you to get hurt but I fucked that up...huh?”

You shook your head. You wouldn’t say it, and you certainly weren’t aware of it in the moment, but you were almost thankful in a way. He saved you from utterly destroying yourself by continuously throwing yourself at Axel. Now all you had to deal with was your growing self hatred and embarrassment with your pitiful self. 

You had slept with lonely housewives. You had fucked married men. It wasn’t ever an issue for you to place yourself in the middle of someone’s love life, you wouldn’t bat an eye. But this… this was someone’s broken heart. This was someone you cared for struggling to heal from something you didn’t know was hurting them. You felt bad that all you were concerned with was a short-lived, selfish fling when Axel was trying to heal from someone he loved exiting his life.

“Let’s just go back home.” You tried to reach out to take back the grocery bag but Roxas kept his grip on it. 

You were so thankful you had bought a bottle of wine. Once you got back to the house you were more than ready to lock yourself in your room and drink the whole thing, then subsequently beat yourself over the head with the empty bottle. 

The rest of the walk back was silent except for the rustling of paper bags and a few stray sniffles. 

“I doubt you’ll say anything, but keep that conversation we had just between us, okay?” His expression was flat, but his eyes held something within then that you couldn’t quite name. He didn’t wait for your reply this time, he walked up the porch and into the house, turning to give you a final glance before going in.

You thought maybe, after a moment, it was a bit of sadness that you saw.

++

Roxas, bless his soul, told you he’d handle the groceries when you got home. You felt like you were vibrating when you tried to grab for the wine bottle in the bag, but Aqua grabbed for your hand before you even placed a finger around the neck of the bottle. 

You were immediately put off by her touch, fully overstimulated by everything at this point. You wanted to go into “emotionally unavailable mode”, but apparently the house had others plans for you. 

“You’re gonna help us set up the dinner table right?” Aqua’s smile was sincere but you could tell she knew something was up with you. Maybe it was because of your runny makeup or the fact that you were about to grab and go with the wine bottle. 

You looked to Roxas, who was unpacking the bags. He briefly glanced at you before busying himself once more. Aqua’s presence was accompanied by Axel, who walked in right behind her. Your eyes flickered to him, hopeful he might spare you a glance. Instead he made his way right to Roxas, and you suddenly felt a wave of hostility in the room, paired with a flush of heat over your body.

You were uncomfortable. You wanted fucking **out**.

Aqua still had her grip on your arm, her smile felt menacing to you as she awaited your response.

“I’ll help.” You croaked.

The dinner table wasn’t exactly big enough to accomodate all 11 of you and you had a list of reasons in your head why you couldn’t help, but between all the effort Terra put into making this “family” dinner thing for Roxas and Ventus, and Aqua’s _ courteous _ request for your help, you couldn’t refuse. 

You found yourself assisting in rearranging some of the furniture so you could push the dining table outside, merging it with the table on the back patio. It wasn’t all bad, you had the perfect view of the incoming sunset over the ocean horizon. If anything you could lose yourself in that. Hopefully you could act preoccupied enough that everyone else might just leave you alone. The thought of holding a conversation was exhausting to you at this point.

Dear, sweet Kairi seated you in between her and Sora at the dinner table, on the opposite end from Axel, thankfully. And you managed to skirt by during it all by smiling and nodding, interjecting a small laugh at Sora’s jokes, just enough to make it seem like you were invested in what was going on as you nursed your entire bottle of wine. The others side-eyed you when you sat down at the table, bottle in your lap, taking swigs from it as everyone else had a pristine, crystal glass in front of them. They had already pinpointed you as the village drunk long ago, so you might as well just continue to run with the title. 

You tried to keep your eyes to the plate of pasta in front of you, but you found them wandering to Axel multiple times during the dinner. You tossed around the idea of trying to talk with him after dinner, but you questioned what good that would really do. He wasn’t interested in you, so there wasn’t any actual benefit. You were being selfish once again.

After a second-long stare, he turned your way, and you barely managed to turn your head away in time, hyperfocusing on the crashing waves in the distance. 

You were so lost in your woeful, self-loathing state that you hadn’t even noticed Aqua and Xion getting up from the dinner table. You forked a rather large bite of pasta into your mouth, your chewing almost completely blocking the sound of them coming back, Aqua calling out to get everyone's attention. It wasn’t until Sora’s head turned, that you snapped back into present time and turned to face the same direction, nearly choking on your food. 

“So, we were gonna wait to do this until tomorrow, but then everyone said tonight would be better since we’re going out tomorrow night.” 

Whatever else Aqua said faded into a muffled silence as you placed your bottle to your lips. You forgot that you all were supposed to go out tomorrow, and what was originally going to be your master plan of wearing your tightest dress to the nightclub turned into you thinking of how you could make yourself sick so you didn’t have to go. Your desire to grind on Axel to ear-splitting music faded into a hope that you could pretend to have diarrhea or something and not leave. You wanted so badly to get up from the table, but that would be incredibly rude, realizing the girls had brought out the birthday presents for the guys to open in front of everyone.

The ones you helped pitch on. 

Kairi sent you an excited smile, mouthing “I hope they like them”, to you. The same thing she said to you before the trip, when she said you didn’t have to help pitch in, but she wanted to do whatever she could to make you feel included in their birthday and the trip.

You didn’t even know what they got as gifts, you just handed Kairi some money. Putting aside your petty feelings, you were genuinely interested to see what they got now that the time had presented itself.

Ventus’ eyes gleamed as he popped the box open to a brand new watch. He was too cute, how excited he got when he held it up, so delicate in his mannerisms. Like he hadn’t touched anything so nice before. Aqua helped him place it around his wrist, and he looked so thrilled. 

Roxas’ gift was a new skateboard, which honestly gave you PTSD to even look at considering how he nearly killed you with the last one.

“Don’t hurt anyone this time!” Kairi called from across the table. To which Roxas responded with a sheepish grin and then proceeded to have to tell everyone what happened when they prodded him with questions about what that meant. 

You chuckled when Riku punched him in the arm, though you wondered now if you could slip away from the table without anyone noticing. You took another sip from our bottle, a stray droplet rolling its way down your chin. You grabbed for a napkin, and when you looked around hoping no one saw you be an idiot, Axel’s eyes met with yours. Great.

As quickly as he looked to you, he looked away. And you were dabbing your face with your napkin, realizing how shitty you must look with tear streaks through your makeup and red wine on your face. 

_ No wonder he doesn’t like me. _ You chuckled bitterly to yourself.

The sunset darkened into night and the clattering of dishes around you woke you out of your mildly tipsy state to make you realize that people were getting up from the table now. You didn’t even remember finishing your food but your empty plate told you otherwise. You started to collect your things before Roxas came by and grabbed your plates for you.

“I got it. I’ll clean up.” He reached across you and took your plate in his hand. You felt like he was speaking a language you didn’t understand. 

First it was the grocery store, and now a small gesture of helping you clean off your spot. He was being uncharacteristically nice to you, and you couldn’t wrap your head around it.

“Why?” The only word you could muster at this point.

“Why what?” 

“You’re helping me so much.” You felt like an idiot as you heard your words slur just the slightest. You hoped Roxas hadn’t heard, you weren’t even that drunk. 

You thought he was ignoring what you said, as he balanced everything in his hands and headed for the kitchen. Kairi and Namine were already calling dish duty, as Sora helped put away the leftover food in the kitchen. Your body pulsed with anxiety at the thought of being in there with everyone.

It would of course be polite to offer to help, but could you be in the middle of all the commotion without making yourself look like a fool? Probably not.

“You’re tired right?” Roxas called to you, when he noticed you were still sitting there. “Go rest.” 

“Yeah, thanks for going shopping for us! You’re the best!” Xion called. She waved to you, a totally unassuming smile that made you realize that Roxas had given you an out and you were gonna take it. 

You said nothing as you stumbled from the table to your room, locking the door behind you. 

You took the last gulp of wine from the bottle and set it on the floor next to your bed. It was barely even 9 but you felt the exhaustion well inside your body.

When your face hit your pillow, you let out a sigh into the silk. It felt wet beneath you in a matter of seconds, and for the second time that day, you hadn’t realized you had begun to cry. 

++

You must’ve fallen asleep because you woke up at around 2 am with the taste of wine still on your tongue and your hair tangled with dried tears and stuck to your face. Groaning, you hauled yourself from your bed and fiddled in the dark for your makeup wipes. 

The wine must’ve all caught up to you in your sleep because when you woke up you felt drunk as hell

Haphazardly rubbing the wipe across your face, you juggled between going out in the kitchen to go get water or just flopping back into your bed.

You chose the first option, and quietly tip-toed out of your room to the kitchen. It was probably the alcohol, but you giggled a little to yourself, thinking how much of a mess you must look now. When you realized you felt a little better about everything, you _ knew _it was the alcohol luring you into a false sense of security. 

You froze when you heard movement, your mind quickly flashing to an axe-murderer that somehow got into the house. 

“Hello?” You whispered, creeping around the corner. You must have sobered up within 3 seconds, because the buzz was completely gone from your system.

Seeing the silhouette of something spikey at the counter and hearing a slap of a hand, you quickly turned the light on, gasping when Roxas stood in front of you. His hand clamped over his mouth looking like he had just seen a ghost.

You chuckled, smiling sheepishly as you waved your hands in front of you, whispering “sorry” as you took a few steps closer to him. 

You were sure he mouthed “asshole” to you, but you weren’t sure and weren’t about to ask him. You noticed the pitcher of water on the counter along with the glass and wondered if he woke up feeling as parched as you.

Reaching for his glass to steal a drink, he swatted your hand away before clicking his tongue and reaching for the cabinet to slowly pull an extra cup out for you.

“Why’re you up right now?” Roxas whispered, nearly being drowned out by the sound of water pouring.

“I could ask you the same thing.” You took a drink and suddenly you felt every vein in your body start working again. You hadn’t realized how thirsty you really were until you didn’t want to set the glass down to keep talking. 

Roxas stared at you as you ravenously finished your water, preemptively pouring more in once you set the empty cup onto the counter. “I was thirsty, much like you apparently are.”

You wanted to make a snide remark, but he was right. Your body felt gross and dry, like a scab. That was honestly the most fitting description for you at the moment, scab-like.

When you had finished your second glass, Roxas pushed away from the counter. Motioning for you to follow him, he started to walk in the direction of the back door.

You could already feel the cold night air nipping at your bones, goosebumps prickling your skin at the mere thought. 

You ran your hands up your arms, shaking your head. Roxas stopped and looked at you for a moment, and in silent response, not sure why he wanted to go outside in the first place, you pointed towards the hallway, hoping he got the point for you both to head to your room.

It was warmer there and you could crawl back into bed, sleep still permeating your body.

He let you lead the way, the only sound was your shuffling footsteps and him closing the door softly behind the two of you. You opted to keep the light off so your eyes didn’t burn and you didn’t have to reveal how terrible you looked.

You settled into your bed, and when you saw Roxas awkwardly looking for a place to sit, you realized just how much you didn’t understand what was going on. 

Why did you both come back to your room at 2 am when you just needed water?

“So…,” you cleared your throat as Roxas still fumbled around, looking for somewhere to sit, “...what’s up?” 

He opted for sitting on the floor, since there weren’t any chairs in your room and he probably wasn’t brave enough to sit next to you on your cramped bed. “Nothing, I guess.” He mimicked you, clearing his throat as well. “Guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay…”

“It was only one bottle of wine,” you laughed, covering your mouth to not be too loud, “I didn’t even get drunk.”

Even in the dark, you could see how he rolled his eyes. His scoff pervaded the silence in the room, accompanied by the soft crashing of waves outside your window.

“I wanted to be sure you weren’t still sad.” 

There was a pause. 

You rubbed the sleep, and potential crusted mascara, from your eyes and tried to settle on a spot to focus on in the dark. Even in the lack of lighting, you didn’t want to meet his eyes.

“I wasn’t sad in the first place.” 

You both knew that was a lie. He most certainly saw you crying on the way home from the store. And if anyone could discern how you were feeling in an instant, you had already established it was Roxas.

He scoffed again, and you could feel him shuffle a bit closer in the dark.

“You’re always trying to hide how you feel.” His voice was an octave higher than a whisper. “I don’t want you to do that with me.” 

You sat there for a moment. Another small pause between the two of you, and you felt a little tense. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark now and you abhorred the thought of meeting Roxas’ eyes. So you turned your head and glanced out the window, the moon peeking through the thin wisps of clouds.

“Roxas… If you haven’t noticed, I’m a little fucked up.” You were already regretting this. You regretted getting up to get water, you regretted inviting Roxas into your room, you regretted coming on this trip.

You felt the floodgates opening. 

“Why do you-”

“Don’t act like you don’t see it. I’m fucked.” You faced him now. If you were going to let it out, you supposed now was the time to rip off the bandaid and do it. “I feel so out of place here. I don’t fit in with anyone, and all I’ve done to keep myself afloat is drink because I’m terrified that none of you like me.”

You tried to contain everything at a whisper, but you felt your throat starting to tighten.

“The only reason why I came on this trip was because of Axel. I thought I could get a good fuck out of him and then go back home to my regular life. I thought you guys only invited me out of pity, and I let that eat at me.”

Roxas opened his mouth to speak, but you didn’t allow him the chance.

“This whole trip I’ve been so fucking selfish and now I hate myself for it. But I don’t know any better.” You felt tears prickle your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the word vomit. You didn’t mean to spill your guts, but the flood was in full force now. Roxas wasn’t the person you anticipated telling it to, but here you were.

“I was a sex worker back home.” Your eyes widened at your own words, mimicking Roxas’ face, but you couldn’t stop. “I made my money from escorting. I didn’t have friends at all, I had clients that I would fuck and then I’d rarely ever see them again.” A stray tear hit your knee. You looked down.

“I couldn’t keep anyone in my life. Even before I was a sex worker, I didn’t have friends. I lived that way for so long and then I couldn’t take it anymore, so I moved to Twilight Town.” You wiped at your face, wishing now more than ever that you hadn’t gotten up and hadn’t run into Roxas. 

The moonlight shone through the window, illuminating Roxas face for a moment. You hoped that the expression on his face was more pitiful than yours.

“This is the first time I’ve had anything close to friends. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to keep people in my life.” Sobs wracked your body now. You wrapped your arms around your torso, trying to stabilize yourself. 

You told him your life story. You told him about your home before Traverse Town, you told him about Aerith, about escorting. You told him your best experiences, and your worst ones. He listened patiently the entire time, his eyes never once leaving yours, and his expression never changing. You told him damn near everything you could tell someone, wiping at your face constantly as the tears continued flowing. Finally, you slowed down. You fidgeted with your hands in your lap, struggling to find a point where you should stop. 

“So if you ever wonder why I act the way I do… Just know that you guys are the first group of people in a long time who’ve stayed with me for longer than a few hours.” 

It was quiet now, save for your choked breaths. An uncomfortable silence that you were too emotional to handle, but too exhausted to break. You waited for Roxas to say something, to show something, anything. 

Disgust, pity, whatever, you just needed _ something. _

You felt like your lungs would explode from holding your breath, your entire body felt cold except for the warm, stray tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Say something…” You whispered. 

In an instant Roxas was on his feet, he leaned forward and pulled you into a hug. His hand on the back of your head, moving your face into his shoulder, and you finally let go of that deep breath you had been holding in. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice was muffled, his lips pressed to your head. You weren’t quite sure what he was sorry about, but your breath turned into a hushed sob the second the words left his lips. 

He held you tighter, his other arm wrapping around your lower back. He shifted his body to sit next to you on the bed, and his grip pulled you in closer. He whispered more words of apology, like low prayers as you cried into his shoulder.

Part of your brain screamed for you to stop. For you to pick yourself up and tell him to go. But the other part of our brain, the part that won, told you to shut up and let yourself cry. You placed your arms around him, locking them around his back. 

Your touch-starved body screamed.

You weren’t sure how long you two had been holding each other for, but you felt him pull back just slightly to look at you. You were suddenly self-conscious about your stinging eyes and how pathetic you must look.

“You’re gonna be okay, okay?” Roxas whispered. When his hand smoothed down a few stray pieces of hair and smiled at you, you felt a weight lift off you. 

“Okay…” You let your hold on him loosen a bit, your hands coming to rest on his knees.

Roxas hands smoothed down your hair once more, flowing down your back and stopping at your hip. His eyes met yours, and within them was something incredibly soft. This was the first time you had ever seen him, much less anyone, look at you like this. 

The pause this time was heavy, you felt your heartbeat quicken when his hand came under your chin. Eyes widening when his thumb traced a line over your bottom lip. Your heart was in your throat in an instant, your hands shaking when he asked. 

“Can I kiss you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did this come out of left-field for some of you? did some of you see this coming?
> 
> love you all, thanks for your support <3


	7. Nonsense update!

Hi everyone! I hope you're all surviving okay.

I made a Twitter page for this fic account, not only to post my writing but to also hopefully interact with you guys more and also to just meme and shitpost about kingdom hearts (cuz that's what we do in the middle of a pandemic)

Anyway, if y'all wanna follow it, here's the link

[https://twitter.com/loveplease7?s=0](https://twitter.com/loveplease7?s=09)

Come on down and we can live, laugh, love together ❤

Also, thank you all so much for your support. You're all the best.

Catch you soon!


	8. don't ask if i'm happy, you know that i'm not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _a modern day woman with a weak constitution_
> 
> sun, sand, and self-loathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love drama, right?

“_ Can I kiss you _?”

You weren’t sure if his words were just a figment of your imagination, a product of your touch-starved existence now present in such an intimate moment, or if he had actually said them.

When his breath tickled the hair of your bangs, fluttering against your lashes, the faint scent of his cologne still drifting off him, you knew it was real.

And you froze. 

“I...Roxas.” You whispered. Afraid that if you said anything more, the moment would shatter like glass.

He traced his thumb over your bottom lip once more, delicate, yet you could sense the pleading in his motions. When you looked into his eyes, you saw a trembling sort of fear reflected in the blue.

“_Please_.” His voice barely a shudder in the dark.

Your heart, already shattered, broke more in that instant. And what normally would’ve been an easy decision for you, turned into the most painful move when you placed your hands on his chest and lightly pressed against him.

“I can’t…” Your voice squeaked. You tried to hold back another wave of tears, but they were already trickling down your cheeks. 

Roxas immediately took his hands off you, expression looking like a petrified little boy. He needed this, you could feel it.

Your heart plummeted into your stomach, the feeling like you had said the wrong thing hit you like a brick. But how could you? How could you kiss him when it would mean nothing to you besides a way to fill a intimacy-depraved void?

You were never one to turn down affection, even if was fleeting, but you'd turn down Roxas now if it meant saving him from heartbreak further the road.

Your hands fell to your lap when he stood up, and you struggled to even keep your eyes on him as he removed himself from the spot next to you on your bed. He started to walk to the door, stopping for a brief moment to look out the window, the smallest bit of moonlight painting his face.

“You know…” your name fell from his lips, and it was the softest curse you’d ever heard. “I know you’re not happy you’re here... but I am.”

When your bedroom door closed, you sat in silence. By this point your eyes were burning, and you weren’t even sure how you were able to keep crying after how many tears you’d already shed. 

Your hands gripped at your shorts, a forced movement, unsure what to even now that you were alone. You realized that you hadn’t even changed from your clothes you wore earlier. It took everything in you to slide them off, feeling like your body weighed a thousand tons.

You slipped under the covers in nothing but your panties, feeling the dampness of your tear-soaked hair brush against your bare skin. 

Just when your eyes had finally managed to shut, you felt a buzz from your phone by your head. 

Bloodshot eyes barely managed to read the text, the light from your phone making your entire face feel like it was on fire.

** _I’m sorry._ ** A single text from Roxas. It pained you, because you could hear his voice behind those words. You wanted to think about what he was doing, if he was laying in bed crying like you were, if he was regretting his actions like you were regretting yours. You hoped Xion and Axel didn’t wake when he walked back into his room, what a disaster that would be.

You contemplated for a moment if you should reply, wanting instead to throw your phone out the window and scream.

**Happy birthday.**

You rolled over and forced your aching body to let go for the night.

++

You woke up feeling the most disoriented you ever had in your life. Your hand was viciously clutched around one of your boobs and you completely forgot you had stripped off your clothing before going to bed, sending you into a second-long panic before you recalled that Roxas had, in fact, left and you were most certainly the one who had taken off your clothes.

_ Roxas. _ His words echoed in your head, and you, still shaking the sleep from your body, grabbed for your phone, anxious to see if he had texted you anything else.

Aside from some stray messages in your group chat, there was nothing. You also noted that it was barely 7 in the morning, and everyone was probably still asleep. You stopped rustling around for a moment, and when you didn’t hear any commotion from outside, you figured now would be the perfect time to get up and shower before everyone else awoke. You felt like you’d been hit by a train and absolutely detested the idea of running into anyone when you looked like a pile of hot garbage.

Wraping your body in a towel, you grabbed your toiletries and crept out of the door, eager to rush to the outdoor shower. 

The hot water hitting your body was the closest thing as an ascension to paradise you could think of. Your headache was immediately gone and you desperately scrubbed at your hair, trying to wash away all the salty tears that were caked onto you. 

You replayed the scene from last night over and over again in your head. A rush of guilt overtook your body, feeling horrible for pushing Roxas away. But at the same time, you questioned his motives for wanting to kiss you. If he was trying to take advantage of you in your moment of weakness, that was fucked. But you doubted he was really the type to do such a thing, at least you hoped. The strangest thing was his desire to kiss you, even after knowing how stuck on Axel you were. Your natural tendency to overthink led you to a thousand possibilities behind his actions, none of which you thought you'd ever truly figure out.

You shook the tension from your body and turned the water on the hottest setting you could stand. The lump in your throat started to rear its ugly head again, but you drowned the thought with salon quality shampoo and overpriced body wash.

  
  


If it wasn’t dumb enough of you to think no one would be awake by the time you got done showering, the height of your stupidity was thinking no one would see you walking back to your room still wet and draped in a skimpy towel.

And who better to find you then the person you did **not** want to run in to the most, Axel.

“H-hey.” You stuttered. And you were so close to you room.

“Hey.” He smiled, though it was a frightfully shy and awkward one. You could see a faint blush creep onto his skin, especially when he tried to avert his eyes from you.

Normally in a situation like this, you would’ve scooted a little closer, held your towel loosely around your body, letting a bit more cleavage and a bit more leg show. You would’ve commanded their gaze with a coy smirk, and a few giggles, reaching out to brush their arm with your hand as you licked the stray droplet of water that slid from your bangs to your upper lip.

But alas, you were still feeling ungodly shitty from yesterday, and now that you knew Axel wasn't interested in you, you just wanted to get by the rest of this trip so you could go home and never speak to anyone ever again. So you gracelessly stood there, gripping the towel around you tighter and looking right through him. Though you had to admit he looked like a fucking masterpiece with his bedhead and well-toned arms so nicely shone through his muscle top.

“You uh… you get the messages in the group chat this morning?” 

“Haven’t looked at my phone.” You shifted, back prickling with goosebumps from the cold water droplets running down your body. “What do they say?”

He looked at you for a brief moment, and you saw his eyes rake up your figure. _ Just for a moment. _ “We’re all going to breakfast in an hour, place down the street.”

Resisting the urge to do/say something borderline flirtatious, albeit the impending urge to leave the area, you sighed. “Well then I should go get ready.” You swore you saw his eyes flicker once more to the bit of thigh peeping through your towel.

He took a step out of the way, eyes following you as you put your hand on your door. You could feel him, honing in on the sense like he wanted to say something more to you. But when you turned back to look at him, his eyes merely locked with yours for a split second. He blinked, and walked off.

Part of you wondered if Roxas told Axel what happened last night.

Part of you didn’t care.

++

Breakfast consisted of you astral projecting for nearly the entire time. You summoned every bit of enthusiasm to tell Roxas and Ventus happy birthday before leaving to the diner, but when Roxas didn’t even acknowledge you, the hug Ventus gave you felt like a brick being tied to your ankle.

You nestled yourself on the furthest end of the table from the birthday boys, idly picking at your toast while Naminé and Kairi talked back and forth about something you couldn’t manage to keep up on.

Nothing tasted good to you, either that or you couldn’t stomach anything. You tried to shove the guilty feeling down with another cup of shitty coffee the waiter poured for you, but nothing worked. You weren’t even sure why you were feeling so criminal in the first place. 

That was a lie, you knew. You knew the reason was the blonde haired boy sitting on the far end of the table from you.

You worried that if Roxas was really upset with you, he’d spill the details of your past that you cried to him. You were at the point though where you wondered to yourself if it even mattered anyway. The point of concealing your past was to save the people around you from harboring ill-conceived notions about you, when in reality, you were sure they already did.

You spared Roxas a glance from the other side of the table. He was facing Xion, nodding to something she was saying. When he laughed you felt a small wave of relief fill you. _ He’s fine. It’ll all be fine. _

“So.” Naminé called your name, nearly startling the cup of coffee out of your hand.

“Y-yeah?” You said, trying to gain a grip on reality. 

“What’re you wearing out tonight?”

“Ooh yeah!” Kairi chimed in. “You always look so cute, I’m dying to see your outfit!”

You shrunk under both their gazes. Quickly putting together the script on how you’d tell them you weren’t going to go.

“Haven’t thought about it yet…” You steered away from bringing it up now, wanting to cause the least amount of commotion at the table. Fearing if you said you weren’t going out to this supposed night club, everyone else might hear and start picking at you. You wanted to avoid that if you could. 

Once again, you were lost amongst the girls ramblings. You busied yourself with putting some jam on the toast that you’d barely taken a bite of, and flagged the waiter down for another coffee. Today barely started and it already felt like the longest day of your life.

++

After breakfast, Ventus sparked the idea of going to the beach one last time before it was time to pack up and head home tomorrow. 

At the risk of potentially damaging your relationship with anyone else on this trip, you found it best to just stay out of everyone’s way and try to keep quiet until you could pack up and leave. You engrossed yourself in your phone, looking touristy as all hell, snapping pictures of the scenery in hopes it would ward everyone off from trying to strike up a conversation with you.

You took about 30 blurry photos of seagulls before you realized that your feet were finally hitting sand. Looking up you saw Sora and a few others already start to run off in the direction of the water. You didn’t have a beach towel, chairs, or anything with you, so you found a big enough piece of driftwood to sit on and make yourself comfortable.

You saw Axel’s read hair blow in the breeze, he laughed with Xion about something you were too far to hear. You watched him, smiling to yourself. Roxas came into frame and you let your eyes linger over him, hearing his tender words from last night echo in your ear.

  
  


Caught in between deciding if you really _ had _ seen a whale just a second ago or if it was a boat that capsized, you were totally oblivious to the group of people walking up to you. One of them stopped right in front of you, waving their hand a little when they realized you were staring blankly out into the middle of the ocean. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I was being a space cadet.” You crossed your legs and flipped your hair a little, admonishing yourself for probably looking like a total idiot. 

You calmed down enough to see who you were talking to. Three people stood before you, looking rather amused with your reaction. You noted the surfboards that each of them were toting and your interest was immediately piqued. _ They were cute. _

A girl, petite, with wavy brown hair tied in a messy ponytail and stunning green eyes smiled at you. She stood in between two guys, one short, spiky black hair with the cutest dad bod. The other guy, standing several inches above the other two, with dirty blonde hair and amazingly well-sculpted arms was the first to speak.

“You mind if we set our boards here?” God he was fine. 

You smiled, batting your lashes a little. “Not at all.” You leaned to the side, letting the strap of your top fall just below shoulder. 

“Thanks!” The girl chimed in, she rested her board on the driftwood, and you stood up to make room for the other two to rest their boards. 

“We didn’t mean to make you move, sorry.” Dad bod chuckled and you melted. “We’d been using this log for our stuff the past few days but we probably could’ve found a new one.”

“Oh! Well I should be the one apologizing to you guys for taking your spot.” Feeling a bit bold, and wanting to take your mind off how shitty you'd been feeling, you took a leap. “How about a drink to make it up? You all look thirsty anyway.” Pointing your finger to the drink stand down the sand a bit.

The tall, blonde one, who you caught shamelessly staring at your chest multiple times finally caught your eyes. 

He smirked. “We’d love to.”

  
  


Hayner, Pence, and Olette were their names. You’d made a point to skip the pleasantries that you so hated and move right into the part where you make flirt until your cheeks hurt from smiling. You made a small but honest flex in buying all their drinks, which you thought would surely solidify that you were a nice girl and that they should stick around.

You learned the three of them were college students on summer vacation, and this was their favorite spot to come every year to surf. You nodded, eagerly listening to them, guzzling two drinks with ease while they were still working on the first. 

While all of them were interesting enough to talk to, you could easily tell that Hayner was the most vivacious of the group. He wasn’t subtle at all in letting on that he had taken an interest in you, and it was certainly giving you a big head to see someone so easily swooned by you so fast. He made it a point to stand just a hint too close to you, enough for his elbow to _ oh so casually _ bump you a time or two, his hand to _ accidentally _ brush the small of your back. And when you laughed at his jokes and placed a hand on his arm, you saw a wild spark ignite in his eyes.

“What’re you doing tonight?” He asked. You didn’t miss the hint of hunger in his voice. 

“Going out to some club.” You traced the straw of your drink with your tongue, amused at how his eyes followed your every move. “My friends’ birthday.”

“Awh, lame!” Olette poked her head in between you guys. “Come to our bonfire instead!”

Pence was happily sipping away at his drink, nodding approvingly at Olette’s remark.

Hayner leaned a bit closer to you, though you weren’t sure how much farther he could go before he was on you completely. His hip touched yours, and you could feel the sun-kissed warmth radiating off him. “When you get bored tonight, we’ll be here. You can ditch your lame friends and hangout with us.” 

You had to look up at him to keep eye contact, watching the way his little tousled pieces of hair fell in front of his smug face. 

Usually you found it laughable when men acted so cocky, but you were eating this up right now. You felt a flicker of giddiness well up inside you, and the dregs of your terrible mood were nearly nothing short of a faint memory now.

“I’ll see what I can do.” You winked.

The ring of your phone brought you off your pedestal, and you saw Kairi’s name flash on your screen. You resisted rolling your eyes and instead excused yourself so you could take the call.

“Boyfriend?” Hayner grinned, before you stepped away.

This time you did roll your eyes, chuckling and shaking your head as you placed your phone up to your ear.

“What’s up?” Trying to keep the bite of annoyance you felt out of your tone.

“Hey!” She sounded a little out of breath. “Where are you? I’ve been looking for you.”

Telling her that you were just grabbing drinks with a few friends you made on the beach and-

“It’s Ven and Rox’s birthday, the least you could do is try to stay with everyone.”

It shut you up real quick. You’d rarely ever heard Kairi be annoyed at anything, much less at you. So much for your shit mood going away. You didn’t even let her finish the rest of her tangent before cutting her off to tell her to wait by the boardwalk for you, you’d be there in a minute. 

Smashing your thumb on the button, you ended the call in a flash and turned around to face Hayner and the others with the most counterfeit grin you could muster, albeit your stark annoyance.

“I gotta go, but let’s take shots before I leave.” You leaned over the counter and waved at the bartender to get you 4 shots of tequila, yours you insisted on being a double. Making sure everyone got one and a lime wedge, you held up your shot in cheers, licked the salt off your hand, and downed it in a flash. 

Slamming the glass on the table and letting the lime juice dribble down your chin as you bit into it, chuckling through the bite as you saw how Pence struggled to take his shot.

“You’re a pro.” Olette giggled, setting her empty glass on the counter next to yours, Hayner and Pence following after. 

“Nah, I’m just an alcoholic.” You smiled, waving to the group. “Maybe I’ll catch you guys later!” Blowing a kiss as you walked away. 

Hayner caught your hand before you could get too far. His arrogant expression still plastered on his face.

“You gonna give me your phone number before you go?”

Your smile was nearly as coy as his, the warmth of the tequila fizzling down your throat and into your stomach. You handed him your phone with your free hand. “You give me yours.”

Kairi wasn’t pleased at all when you finally made it to where she was. You had enough time on your walk to her to become absolutely cynical, and what you had said to yourself earlier about staying low to avoid ruining your relationship with anyone else had been tossed out the window. When she started to lecture you when you approached her you walked beside her, nodding with your hands clasped behind your back.

Spite welled inside you with every word she spoke, and it felt like you were being dragged by your hair listening to her tell you off. When Kairi turned to ask if you were even paying attention, you felt it was necessary to turn the tables and put her in her place.

“Of course I’m listening!” You gave her a closed-eyed smile. “I was just waiting for the right time to tell you that you did a shit job covering that hickey you have.” 

Kairi went wide-eyed and slapped her hand to her neck. “Wha…” She stopped walking for a moment.

“It suits you, actually.” And with that you walked off, leaving Kairi behind you, uncaring if she kept following you or not.

++

It was probably the 5th time you’d changed that night. You stood in front of the shitty mirror in your room and assessed your outfit once more.

_ This one is cute but it’s too strappy. _ You were at the point now where you were basing your club outfit based on how easily you could get them off, one, in case you ended up belligerently drunk, and two, in case you ended up having some sort of a steamy encounter tonight.

You settled on something simple. A low-cut, mini dress and black heels. Easy, to the point, and accentuated all your most-necessary features. You had skipped on most of the makeup though, save for doubling up on the false lashes and putting a bit of lip gloss on, again, just in case things got sloppy tonight. 

You could hear the others in the living room chatting, laughing to yourself because once you got home you made an attempt to say hello to some of the others, but once Kairi stormed in behind you, no one said a word to you.

You sighed, wishing that things hadn’t come to this point, but since they had, so be it. You’d make a point to be civil with everyone at the club, but once you saw your chance to exit, you’d take it.

Needing a bit of a pick-me-up, you snapped a picture of yourself in the mirror, showing off a little leg, and sent it to Hayner. You had yet to text him at all this evening, and were near ready to stop hating yourself a little less and hopefully have a cute boy pick you up out of your slump.

You jumped at the small knock on your door, telling whoever it was they could come in. 

Xion popped her head through the door, smiling anxiously at you. You raised your eyebrow a bit, wondering why the look was on her face.

“You can come in, Xion.” You repeated. After a few seconds, she shuffled in, closing the door behind her softly.

“You look beautiful.” She was still smiling, but now you were getting anxious. “And you smell really nice too.”

“Thanks” You set your phone down on your bed, and walked over to her. “Is everything okay?”

She looked away, obvious discomfort painted her features. “I just, uh… wanted to be sure _ you _ were okay?” She made brief eye contact with you, and now her discomfort was bleeding in to you.

“I’m great! Why do you ask?” You lied. You didn’t want to acknowledge any emotion with anyone at this point, especially before an outing_ you knew _ was going to take some sort of toll on you.

“Well…” She took a step closer. You could visibly see her struggling with what she wanted to say. 

You felt it, you were internally struggling as well, wondering how you’d lie your way out of whatever she was going to ask you, deflecting the attention off yourself so you could fake the rest of this night and just head home in peace tomorrow.

“Well, Roxas seems upset today, on his birthday, of all days.. Kairi is angry about something, and… you’ve been in your room a lot this trip.” She reached out to grab your hand, and though you wanted to pull it away, you could already see her reaction, so you just let her touch you. “I just want to be sure something isn’t going on.”

Something most certainly was going on, but you’d be damned if you’d disclose that, so instead you smiled, placed your free hand over Xion’s and told her everything was just peachy.

“You know, I could feel something was a little off too. Kairi got mad at me for taking a little trip to the bar at the beach, but I think maybe we’re all just a bit worn out. Nothing to worry about.” You nodded to her, trying to snake your way into making her think she was just overreacting. 

_ Oof, I’m gaslighting, huh? _

She nodded back at you, looking wildly unconvinced, but if she wasn’t, she didn’t say anything. 

“They’re having shots in the kitchen before we go out, if you want to join.” Xion still looked a little out of place, going in for an awkward hug that you lightly obliged. She left your door open just a touch when she left, just enough for you to peer out into the hall and see Naminé slipping her shoes on, Riku posted right next to her. 

You didn’t tell her that you had already polished off two mini bottles of Malibu while you were getting ready, but maybe she could smell the alcohol on you when she went in for a hug. If she noticed, once again, she didn’t say anything. 

Naturally, you got in your head and weighed the outcomes of you walking out there like nothing was wrong. Roxas was ignoring you, Kairi was mad at you, and you detested the idea of the others not being happy with you, though you already figured that to be true. You had a case of the jitters. Eventually you’d have to go out there anyway since you were all leaving together to go out. You exhaled a breath, checking your phone to calm yourself only to see that Hayner had messaged you back.

**_Maybe I’ll get to see what’s under that dress tonight_.**

Oh, he was most certainly the cocky type. You smiled, momentarily forgetting how bad you felt, and sending him a quick text

**_Maybe_.**

Feeling a small spike in your mood, and your nerves, you let out a deep breath and walked out your door. You could hear everyone in the kitchen, voices getting louder as you approached, making sure you had a big smile plastered to your face, hoping that it would deter attention rather than attract it.

Feeling all eyes on you as you walked in, a sudden hush fell over the room. You felt a tightening in your chest, trying hard not to let your smile falter. 

“Hey guys,” you nervously chuckled, attempting to keep yourself composed. “Heard you all were pre-gaming out here.” 

For a moment, you thought you’d die at how quiet it was. Roxas was the first to break the silence, turning back to talk with Axel and Xion, acting like he hadn’t heard a thing. It hurt you that the same person who told you they were supposedly 'happy you were here' was now treating you like you didn't exist. You nearly turned back around until you saw Terra slide a shot glass across the counter to you. 

“Have whatever you like.” Aqua put a gentle hand on your shoulder as she circled around the counter to you. 

You let out another deep breath, this time of relief, hoping it wasn’t too obvious.

++

The club the birthday boys wanted to go to wasn’t too far from the house, but they insisted on taking cabs instead of walking. You externally wanted to protest, but you kept your words to yourself, you’d deal with your motion sickness silently. The buzz you had been coasting on from earlier was helping to distract from feeling ill, but your tummy was still in knots for a medley of other reasons. 

Roxas had yet to give you the time of day. You attempted to make light conversation with him while everyone was pre-gaming, but he once again snuffed you to the side. You struggled to understand why he had the audacity to ask for a kiss and then treat you like this after you told him no. Which you did for his sake, out of respect for not wanting to hurt him. It was not only childish but also very uncool, especially after spilling your guts to him. Would he be doing this still if you had kissed him? You tried to expel the sick feeling from your gut, but your encounter lingered in your mind as well as the regret of ever attempting to let anyone into your life. Maybe you just needed to throw up.

You distracted yourself momentarily by clinking the heel of your pumps against each other, fidgeting with your seat belt as you thought about the last time you actually went out to a club, or anything of the sort. 

Traverse Town had a few nightclubs, most of them seated nicely right outside the central hub of the city. They were places of business to you, in which you spent many nights, alone or with clients having drinks and feeling warm bodies press against yours on the club’s dance floor. You never considered yourself much of a dancer, but you held firmly to the idea that after a few shots of liquid courage, anyone could move their hips.

You were starting to miss it. The paid invitations back to cold hotel rooms, the hard touches, the fleeting moments of intimacy. Maybe you should never have left.

You were bounced back into reality as the cab hit a small bump in the road, your arm hitting Naminé’s as the driver apologized profusely. 

She looked at you and smiled softly as you adjusted yourself in the seat. “You okay?”

“Huh?” You had momentarily forgot what was happening in your spell of daydreaming. 

“Are you feeling sick? Her eyes were gentle on yours.

“No, I’m okay.” You tried to smile back without seeming too fraudulent. “The alcohol earlier helped.”

She chuckled. Riku turned in the front passenger seat to look at you, Naminé, and Aqua in the backseat. The drive was fairly quiet, save for Riku making idle chit chat with the driver, the faint music of the radio, and Aqua interjecting a comment or two every so often.

You figured taking a cab with this group would be safer than the XL cab all the others got. It saved you having to get ignored by Roxas again, and having to suffer through being smooshed in a large SUV with people you thought hated you.

You told yourself to lay low tonight. Have a couple drinks, pretend to have fun while you sat at the bar and watched everyone dance, then when the moment was right you could sneak away and go meet with the others on the beach.

You glanced at your phone in your lap, having a couple unread texts from Hayner that you had received in the midst of pregaming at the house and shoving into the cars to get to the club.

Your cab pulled up to the parking lot, and you glanced out the window to see the others filing out of their cab that pulled in right before you. Checking your phone once more before putting it into your clutch for the night, you laughed silently at Hayner’s messages.

**You still gonna come later?** **  
** **We have a bottle we brought.** **  
** **Can you take dick like you take shots?**

  
++

Your first order of business was pushing past the frat boys at the bar to catch the bartender’s attention. You flagged down the cute,frazzled looking girl in the crop top and low rise jeans behind the counter to ask her for two rum and cokes.

The place was pretty packed, probably tourists and more college kids enjoying their summer. Although you would readily admit you weren’t always a fan of _ this _ type of atmosphere, there was something oddly charming about listening to young college kids drunkenly slur their words and spill drinks on themselves.

“You buying a drink for you and your boyfriend?” Some random sleaze leaned near you, barely audible over the club’s music. You could smell his shitty cologne way too strongly.

“No.” You didn’t even make eye contact with him, fishing for some munny from your bag. 

"You get the second drink for me then?" His laugh made the hairs on your neck stand up. You shot him an unamused glance before continuing to dig through your bag. 

"No." 

“Then who's the other drink for?” He leaned in closer, you could feel his smirk next to your ear and it made you want to vomit.

You waited for the girl to place your drinks on the counter, sliding her munny right away and grabbing the glasses, desperate to get away from this creep. “Me.” 

You made sure you stepped on his foot as you turned away.

You downed the first drink rather quickly, camping on the second as you swayed on the dance floor. You weren’t dancing with anyone, just shaking your hips alone as you eyed Axel several feet away. He seemed to be having the time of his life. He was fully engaged in some eccentric with Sora and Roxas. Xion stood next to them, laughing hysterically as she and Kairi made some attempt at keeping up with them. It was cringey as all hell, and as much as you wanted to still be bitter about everything, you were happy they were all having fun.

Off on the other corner of the dance floor, Terra and Aqua were pressed into one another, grinding on each other so hard that you could practically feel it from where you were. 

You contemplated going to sit with the others, Ventus, Riku, and Naminé, holding down a spot by the pool table, but you didn’t want to impose, so you stayed in your tiny spot on the dance floor, next to the group of girls all packaged in sequin dresses and curled haired.

You felt a tap on your shoulder, a chorus of giggles as you turned to see one of the girls standing there, drink in hand, drunken smile plastered on her face. You assumed it to be her birthday since she wore a sash around her. Kinda gaudy, but also kinda cute.

“You’re gorgeous.” She could barely get the words out in her fit of giggles, drink wobbling in her hands.

You smirked. “Thank you, so are you.” Maybe you_ did_ like this kind of atmosphere.

She smiled, putting her straw to her lips. You mimicked her actions. “You wanna dance?”

Your eyes flickered to Axel and the others, still admiring from afar how they seemed to be having a grand time. Why not have some fun yourself? 

“I’d love to.” 

She downed the rest of her drink, to which you raised your brows in surprise, as she set her glass on a random table and led you further into the dance floor. Her hand clasped around your wrist gently, but with a certain boldness to her touch. You were nearly next to the others but you thought maybe that would make this whole thing a lot more enjoyable.

You slowly sipped on your drink as this girl proceeded to, presumably, woo you into...something. She slid her hands up into her hair, ran them down her curves, all of which you appreciated but it made you laugh. You hid your snickering behind a rather large gulp of your drink.

She must have felt bold, because she backed her body into yours, the curve of her ass pressing into you. You nearly dropped your drink in surprise at her sudden move, but you kept your cool. Oh how you missed the feeling of a rambunctious drunk girl grinding on you.

You dubbed her 'Wild Wendy' in your head. You’d spare asking her for her name, in favor of just listening to her tell you on repeat that she loved whatever song was playing and that her feet hurt.

“It’s your birthday, right?” You whispered into her ear.

She nodded, turning to face you, making it a point to show her sash to you before attempting to put her arms around your neck.

“You know…” you grabbed one of her hands and spun her, facing her towards Axel and the others, using your drink-hand to motion towards them. “The blonde one there, it’s his birthday today too.”

“Really?” She sounded obliterated at this point. The dancing must’ve pumped the alcohol through her at break neck speed. 

“Mhmm.” You traced your hand over her arm, paving a sensual path for her to walk down. “You know, he’d love it if a beautiful girl like you asked him to dance.”

She laughed, stepping away from you. You watch as she sauntered her way over towards Roxas, the others stopping to watch as she leaned in to say something to him. 

You used this as your chance to slip off the dance floor, finishing your drink as you traipsed away from the commotion. You told yourself not to look back, out of fear that 'Wendy' outed you and Roxas was staring daggers your way. You ducked in between the groups of frat boys and bar tourists, trying as best as you could to ease away from the crowd before anyone important noticed.

You nodded to the bouncer as you drifted out the door, careful not to bump into the horny couple that was making out by the entrance, doubling-taking to make sure it wasn’t Aqua and Terra.

You brought your phone out of your purse, ready to call a cab and spend a little more time getting to know your new friends you made earlier.

You hadn’t messaged Hayner back yet, but it made you laugh looking once more at his texts from earlier. You grinned to yourself thinking about how terribly <strike>horny</strike> eager this kid was.

Maybe you could end your dry spell tonight.

It was a little busy at the front of the nightclub, tons of people still coming in and out. And you thought your best option might be to walk around to the other end so you could call a cab without having to fight through the crowds.

There was a light chill in the air, but the alcohol that was still flowing through you gave you a few bubbles of warmth to keep you stable.

Walking around to the side of the building, you leaned up against the wall and perused the cheapest ride options on your phone. You felt someone come in close to where you were standing, and initially you just brushed it off as someone coming out for fresh air until you felt their presence move in almost uncomfortably close. 

You turned your head to see who it was, startled when you realized you had to crane your neck to see their face. Though you realized their smokey cologne should’ve given it away. 

“You ran off from us, huh?”

Your mouth hung open as Axel leaned forward, plucking your phone from your hands and looking at it. “Calling a cab? You were really gonna run off from us.” 

The shock on your face made him chuckle, his fiery red tresses the same shade as the blush on your cheeks. He grinned, handing the phone back to you. 

You huffed, pulling it from his fingers, your face feeling hot from embarrassment at being caught.

“Axel-"

He stepped closer to you, bracing his arm on the wall you both shared, he was intimidating not only in how much he towered over you, or how he stared down at you like you were a small child in trouble, but also in how fucking handsome he looked. His cologne tickled your nose, and your eyes flickered between his face and how good his collarbones looked in that shirt.

You tried not to audibly gulp.

“You haven’t had fun at all, have you?” He laughed. You could smell the alcohol on him and wondered if that's what prompted him to come talk to you after days of silence. “I saw you walk out of the place but I didn’t think you’d try to leave us.”

You huffed again, looking away from him. You felt small under his gaze. “You guys were having plenty of fun without me.”

“Hmm? I didn’t quite hear you over how much you were pouting.”

Whatever was going on with him, drunk or not, you realized you weren't too fond of how he was talking to you. Or maybe you just didn’t like being called out. 

When you didn’t respond to him he took it upon himself to ask you another question. “Were you really going to head back to the house?”

His nosiness coupled with how brash he was being struck a note with you, and you decided to see if you could strike one back. 

“No, I was going to meet up with some people.” You looked to your phone, then to him. 

His look of mild surprise created an impish grin on your face. “Some people? Who?”

“Just some new friends I made earlier." 

He could tell you were playing a game now, he folded his arms in front of him. “You’re gonna leave when it’s-”

“Ventus and Roxas’ birthday?” You cut him off and his expression grew more stern. “Yes, I was. You sound like Kairi.” When you tried to push away from the wall he stepped in front of you. “And now you’re acting like Roxas.”

“What the hell does that mean? You pissed off or something?” 

You felt your jaw clench. He was acting rather combative for someone who had barely spoken to you for the last part of this trip. You’d had nearly enough of that, you were about to snap when you told yourself to just take a deep breath. 

“I’m gonna leave, Axel. I want you to go back in there and have fun. Just let me be.” He tried to catch your shoulder when you walked away but you put out your hand to stop him. “Stop.”

When he said your name, that lump you despised so much reared itself into your throat. 

“I’m not trying to be an asshole.” He didn’t follow you as you walked off, but he continued to call to you. “I just want to know what’s going on.”

You stopped. 

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Because we know something is wrong.” He folded his arms again. _ “I _ know something is wrong.”

“You do?” You didn’t mean to sound as malicious as you did. “How do you know something is wrong?” You walked closer to him. You were about to give him to same speech you’d practiced in your head. The one where you tell him you’re fine and that no one needs to care, just like they haven’t been. It wasn’t an issue to you at all if-

“Roxas told me what happened.”

You went cold.

Your ears rung in your head and you felt all the alcohol from earlier churn in your stomach. You felt like your eyes went blurry when you looked at Axel.

_ He didn’t. _

You told yourself you were past the point in caring if anyone found out, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Your tongue felt heavy when you tried to speak. “What did he say?”

Axel cleared his throat. He could see you were taken back. For a moment he reached his hand out, barely, just barely, before he drew it back in.

“He told me… you were upset. Which, I mean, I guess I could tell you weren’t too happy.” He rubbed the back of his head. You knew he had more to say, and you wanted him to saw it.

“What else?” You could _ taste _ the dread on your tongue. It was cold and prickled at your gums, mixing with the faint taste of the rum from earlier.

Axel sighed, his green eyes looked murky, and his lips curved into a frown that you knew wasn’t going to say anything good. “He told me everything. You know...your hometown, about you knowing about my ex, and…”

You thought you'd faint.

“...he told me he tried to kiss you.”

“Is that so?” Your voice was hardly audible, you bit your tongue in hopes of holding back the nervous stutter that pulled at your throat. You wanted to be furious with Roxas for disclosing the things you wanted to keep private, the things you told him in your vulnerable moments that you thought were for only him, but the only thing you could feel was fear.

Axel nodded. You half expected him to laugh at you, with how pathetic you looked, but instead he looked torn. “I’m sorry.”

“Why’re _ you _sorry?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “I guess I just feel like this trip has been kind of a mess.”

“For you guys it seems like it's been great.” You shifted your weight, finding it hard to look at anything but the ground now. You felt so small, so pitiful.

Axel’s expression hardened. He opened his mouth to say something but then promptly stopped himself.

You could feel yourself getting disconnecting, and wanting to spare you, him, or anyone else your tears, you turned around and started to walk off.

“I’m sorry!” When Axel called your name, you felt a tear slip down your face. His approaching footsteps behind you prompted you to stop and wipe at your eye. You felt his hand on you. “Don’t leave, please...I’m sorry.”

You brushed his hand away from you, another tear rolling down your cheek. You sniffled, though you tried to cover it up by clearing your throat. “I’m gonna go see my friends. I’ll be home later.” 

“Don’t do this.” His voice softened and you felt your heart break. It was too much for you to turn back. The waterfall of tears was imminent, especially if you turned to look at him now.

“I’ll be fine Axel. Go have a good time with everyone.”

You heard him call your name once more as you walked off, but you were determined to hold it together until you got out of sight. You took deep breaths, pushing his words out of your mind until you were across the street from the club. The urge to turn and look back was so strong, you felt invisible hands grab at your jaw, hungry to turn your head to see if Axel was still standing outside, but you resisted. 

You weren’t sure where you were going, but your mind could barely compute what you were doing in the first place. The only thoughts in your mind were of Axel. He knew everything now, about Traverse Town, about your life, about that stupid thing Roxas tried to do to you. 

It was enough to make to lose your mind, how terrible this trip was. Every inch of your being seeped with lament. Maybe you had been too overzealous when you agreed to come on this trip. You were naive enough to think nothing bad would happen, your most poignant thought being that of getting in bed with Axel. That was selfish of you.

As upset as you wanted to be with everyone, with how bad they made you feel, so unimportant, you realized that they hadn’t actually done anything wrong. It was all you. The compulsion to distance yourself, the need to tip-toe around, it was your doing. You spat, you really were pathetic.

After tomorrow you could return home and re-evaluate your life. Distance now honestly sounded like the best remedy for all of this. You could tuck yourself away and hopefully ease into an existence where all of this would eventually be a bitter, far-off memory. You never saw any of them at your job, or near your home, you could easily avoid them. That’s what you wanted. _ That’s what you wanted. _ You tried to make the plan in your mind, to assure yourself that this would all be okay.

People passing by made eyes at you occasionally, you told yourself it was because you looked great in your dress and not because you were silently sobbing to yourself.

++

It was a good bit of walking before you realized you had no idea where the fuck you were going, and you were apprehensive to take out your phone, thinking you may have missed calls or texts from the others you weren’t wanting to see.

With a grit of your teeth, you pulled out of your phone. Relieved to see only two missed texts, both from Kairi, asking where you were and saying she was upset with you. Which you could deal with, she was already mad at you anyway.

You left her on read and scrolled to find Hayner’s contact. You supposed you could call him and have him come meet you somewhere. In all honesty, you should’ve just grabbed a cab like you were going to originally, before a certain redhead had thrown a wrench in your plans.

Looking around for a moment, you cleared the phlegm from your throat and tried to assess where you were. You were fairly certain you didn’t get too far, but seeing as how you were terrible with directions, you readily labeled yourself as lost. You thought maybe you should call Axel and see if he could come and find you...but you also were too livid with the entirety of your situation to face him at the moment. Or anyone for that matter. You considered just going back to the beach house, packing your bags, and seeing if the train station could switch you to a late night ride back to Twilight Town tonight. 

Sand, water, and a couple random shops were around you. You typed in the name of one into your phone, hoping to GPS your way back, when your phone went off again. It was Axel. Your thumb hovered over the end call button for a few seconds before you made the decision to ignore him.

If tonight was your final night to be problematic, you were going to go out with a bang. You already hated yourself enough right now, what was a little more self-loathing to sprinkle on top? You sniffled a few more times, clearing your throat again, you hit the call button on Hayner’s contact.

“_Hey babe, you coming_?” He sounded as smooth as ever and you hoped that you could make yourself sound just as smooth when your insides felt like they’d been shoved into a wood chipper.

“Hey, yeah. Of course.” You ran your fingers through your tear-crusted bangs, hoping to untangle them a little before you went off on whatever escapades you were about to go on. “I got a little lost leaving the club…” You trailed off trying to think of how to make this sound casual and not like you were in the throes of a mental breakdown. “I’m by this store…” You turned around, reading off the name of the sign to him, hoping he might know where you are.

Your body prickled with both relief and anxiety when he told you that you weren’t too far from where he and the others were. Relief because you weren’t hopelessly lost, anxiety because you looked like a wreck and didn’t want him to take one look at you and laugh at your loathsome self. 

“I’ll come meet you okay? Just keep walking forward. There’s a burger place coming up on your left, just head past that and I’ll run into you okay?” His voice was reassuring to you, and you told yourself to just be at ease. You’d meet up with him, share some laughs with the others, and you could forget about everything else, even for just a moment.

++

You reached into your clutch and rolled some perfume onto your wrists and behind your ears, popped some gum into your mouth, and tried to not think about the fact that your phone was being blown up with calls right now. You put your phone on silent, hoping that if you didn’t feel your phone vibrating maybe you could live in a foolish bliss.

You weren’t quite sure if you could attribute your cold sweat to the night air or to how nervous you were over running away to go meet up with some guy you had met on the beach only several hours ago.

But you knew when you heard your name being shouted in the distance it was too late to bail. You could hear the incoming footsteps over the faintly crashing waves in the background, and hoped that you didn’t look like a total mess before you felt an arm around your shoulders.

“Found you, beautiful.”

Hayner’s laugh rung in your ears, and you could barely make out him telling you he was happy you decided to hang over your internal voice telling you to just breathe and have a good time. You could deal with the consequences later, for now just let yourself _ go. _

The walk with Hayner to the bonfire was a blur. You remember feeling his hand around your waist and your body pressed to his side, vaguely nodding your head to whatever he was rambling on about. You were too focused on Axel’s face when you walked away, or what he must’ve said to Roxas when he heard all your bullshit being spilled to him. You made sure to smile occasionally at Hayner, laugh and touch your hand to his arm when he told you how great you looked in your dress. Your nerves were at an all time high, but the faintly familiar feeling of an arm around your waist was mildly comforting to you.

Maybe you were just needy for touch.

Your shoes hit the sand and you struggled to walk with your heels digging in. Hayner offered to carry you, but you just laughed and took your heels off, letting them dangle in your fingers. You remember sitting in the sand, but you had no idea where you were. You probably should’ve paid attention to any landmarks but you hadn’t any mind to think to do that.

Olette was the first to come up to you. Her smile made you feel a little easier, offering you a red solo cup filled with bourbon, and telling you how glad she was that you came. You felt your hands tremble as you took the cup from her, and her smile faltered for a second, she must have felt it too.

There were a few others at the bonfire too, others who learned your name, but you didn’t bother to remember theirs. Quick handshakes, pleasantries you _ loathed _ but at this point were too numb to do anything about it. Hayner off-handedly claimed you as “his” and kept you close to his side, the warmth from his jacket the only tangible thing to you at the moment. You couldn’t shake Axel from your mind. A tear threatened to spill down your face but you washed it away with the burn of more drinks.

“Your friends okay with you leaving?” Hayner chuckled, running a hand up your bare leg. He leaned in close to you and the bite of the liquor on his breath made your nose crinkle.

“I didn’t bother to ask.” You tittered, placing the cup to your lips. “I don’t think they’ll care.”

You considered telling them you ran away. You considered making Hayner walk you back, but you also didn’t want to be a buzzkill. You also, momentarily, considered the possibility he might be some sort of pervert serial killer, but you quickly tried to kill that worry by downing the rest of the bourbon that was in your cup.

Pence offered you the bottle when he saw your cup was empty, your head was feeling a little dizzy and your nerves threatened to get the best of you, but you took it with a smile.

“You guys are gonna get me too fucked up.” You chuckled.

“We’re all feeling it too.” His face was dimly lit in the bonfire, but you could see the redness flush over his cheeks, a warm kiss of a lack of sobriety.

Olette started a story about college, and when the others chimed in their voices all became hazy to you. You tried to focus instead of letting the scene play out in your head of Roxas and Axel talking about how pitiful you were. It made you sick to think about. It wasn’t the bourbon, it wasn’t the rum from earlier, it was the thought that after this, once again, you’d be alone and unwanted.

You sneered at yourself. You were already unwanted. You weighed the options in your head of what would’ve happened if you took Roxas up on the kiss. Sure, you would’ve gotten your desire to be needed satiated, but what were the repercussions? Kissing all the homies until you got to the one you wanted most, was something maybe a previous you would’ve done, but you weren’t sure if you could convince yourself it’d be okay now, after all this.

A hand on your thigh broke you out of your thoughts. You felt Hayner’s mouth move next to your ear, his breath sending a shiver up your spine.

“_You wanna step away for a sec_?” 

Right now you were wanted. You knew it would be short lived, but you’d take it. “Yeah.”

He led you away. Brushing the sand from your legs when you got up, you took his hand as he led you away from the fire. You turned back to look as you heard a few whistles, giving a coy little finger wave in response.

With Hayner’s fingers entwined with yours, he took you to a spot on a mostly unoccupied section of the beach, next to a little smoothie cabana that had long closed for the day. Behind the shack, he smirked as he backed you against the wall. Your clouded brain doing little but following along with his lead.

You could taste the liquor on his breath as he moved in closer to you.

For a brief moment, you wondered to yourself if you really, truly wanted to be in this situation. Was this how you wanted the night to go? You found yourself recalling how many nights in Traverse Town went like this, how many people you encountered that filled your needs for a moment, only to be left again the next day.

The thought was cut short when his knee pressed in between your legs. You put yourself in a different mindset, of one that was always prepared for this sort of thing. You just had to remember you weren’t getting money out of this. Unless you really, really tried.

You ran your hands slowly up his arms, savoring how his muscles felt under your fingers before clasping your hands around his neck.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” His whisper tickled your skin as his lips found your neck. He chuckled, and you assumed maybe it was because he felt the way your skin prickled with goosebumps when he spoke. His lips kept moving up your neck, sloppy at first but you felt how eager he was as soon as he pressed his hips closer into you. 

His hands squeezed at your hips, his knee pressing you further apart, and soon you felt like you were a piece of gum being squished up against the wall. You revelled in his touch though, the way his hands moved against you. This felt too good, being wanted felt _ too good _.

When his lips left your neck, you seized the opportunity to press your mouth against his. 

The kiss was fierce, you felt his tongue part your lips, brushing against yours with fervor. His grip on you tightened and you felt a pickle in your belly, moving lower and lower when you felt something hard dig into your hip. 

He parted first, breathing ragged. “I was gonna wait to fuck you until you came back to our hotel with us, but I don’t think I can now.” You felt him purr, lips brushing the spot under your ear. 

You felt another prickle down your body. Excitement, and something you couldn’t name. You feared it was regret, though the feeling quickly disbanded when you felt his hand slide your dress upwards.

“Want me to keep going, baby?” You felt the _ need _ in his voice. You pleaded with yourself to let him keep going, you told yourself this, **this **is what you’ve been craving this whole time. 

You nodded, breathless, and his lips overcame you again. And as much as you wanted to focus on the feeling, the feeling of his hands on the back of your legs, the feeling of his teeth pulling at your lip, you couldn’t shake it. It was guilt, you admitted it to yourself.

Guilt that you wished this was Axel. Guilt that you said no to kissing Roxas when now you were kissing someone you’d know for less than a day. Guilt that you could hear someone else’s voice in the back of your mind during this encounter, slowly getting louder.

_Wait_.

It wasn’t in your mind. It was real.

You heard your name, faint at first but now it was close enough to almost make out who was saying it. 

As quickly as Hayner picked you up to wrap your legs around him, you put your hands on his chest to stop him. “Wait.” 

His lips hit your jaw, barely comprehending what you were doing, or trying to say to him. You pushed on his chest again, and unclasped your legs from him, he finally got the point and let you down. 

“What’s wrong?” 

His question was answered with your voice being yelled out once more, but not just one voice this time. 

Your mind was in stasis, still buzzing with the feeling of skin on yours, pressure between your thighs. You smoothed your dress down, trying to process what the fuck was happening.

To your surprise, Hayner had already moved around the side of the shack, hearing your voice being called as well, probably feeling more curious and far less guilty than you were currently feeling.

Nausea hit you full force as you rounded the corner, the urge to check your phone from your bag you picked back up off the ground along with your shoes, fumbling with them, nerves at full force. Instead you looked around until you could see a few figures with familiar silhouettes looking lost. You could clearly make out one of them for sure, that bright red hair was hard to miss.

“That must be your friends, huh?” Hayner didn’t sound too pleased. But you wouldn’t imagine someone would after getting cockblocked behind a shack on the beach.

You nodded. Hayner must have been expecting you to run out after them, the way he shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped away from you. You hesitated, trying to shake your nerves though they just got worse and worse by the second. 

You could see Olette in the distance stand up and run over to the figures calling out your name. Their heads perked up and moved in your direction. You tried to swallow when you saw them, but your tongue was too dry.

“You’re not gonna go after them?” 

“...I...I am.” 

“Then go.” 

You looked at Hayner, the sneer in his voice put you off for a moment. His gaze wasn’t the friendly guy who came to get you, who was rubbing your leg on the beach. 

Were you expecting something good to come out of this?

Your feet shuffled in the sand, and you, for a moment, were wrought with the compulsion to take off running. Something that you realized you had been making a habit of, not just on this trip, but in your life in general. The red hair that was so familiar to you grew closer, and you saw in its company were a few other familiar faces. Your mind raced with the thoughts of what they’d say, what shit you had brought upon yourself now. You were exhausted. With so many things that you can make a long scroll of but in all honesty, at the top of that list, was yourself.

You heard your name called, twice in succession, one tinged with a hint of question, and then the next a full blown shout before you saw the silhouettes beginning to run your way. 

When you heard your name being called out, you felt your face get hot. When you saw Axel running towards you, Aqua and Kairi close in tow, your cheeks stung with tears. They were out of breath when they caught up to you, you had long since stopped walking and just stood pitifully in the sand, shoes in one hand, clutch in the other, pressed tight to your chest. They were shouting a number of things at you, all to which you could barely make out. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. You repeated it until you felt hands on you, until Axel’s cologne kissed at your nose, until Aqua tried to get you to look at her to make sure you were okay. Everyone’s lips were moving, their eyes blown wide, but you heard nothing. Just the faint vibrations in your head of a whispered “I’m sorry.” 

Kairi’s hand laid on your arm, and you realized that she had begun to walk, guiding you with them. It was cold, and you didn’t realize how freezing you were until you felt Axel press up against your side. 

“You’re okay right?” He asked, his voice finally clear to you. You didn’t dare meet his eyes.

Aqua said something you didn’t quite hear, as she pried your shoes and clutch from your hands, carrying them for you. You were spared a walk home thankfully when Kairi managed to hail a cab to take you back to the beach house.

You were not, however, spared the barrage of worried comments when you made it back, the others waiting in the living room when you walked in the door.

The tears came once more, slowly this time. And you tried to even your breath as you softly apologized to everyone. Your lungs felt like they’d erupt, but you nodded through the medley of shouts and questions and 'don’t do that anymore'. 

You figured you could try and calm down when Naminé handed you a tissue, asking if you wanted to take a shower and just go to bed. You nodded, thinking that maybe the tears had stopped.

When Roxas stopped you, right before Aqua and Terra let you into their room to use their bathroom, to tell you that you were a fuck-up, amongst other terrible things, the tears started again.

You heard a few gasps, but no one stopped him.

But then again, you didn’t expect them to.

++

Exhaustion pulled at your body, demanding that you stay in bed though your alarm told you differently. You dragged yourself from the sheets, assuring yourself that this was it. All you had to do was pack your belongings and get on the train. Bile clawed at your stomach, working its way up your throat you as you made little attempt to be delicate with your clothes, changing at a snail’s pace before throwing your things into your luggage. 

When you heard the others begin to stir, you busied yourself, continuing to pack and straighten up the room which you had turned into your den of self-loathing. A soft rapping at your door halted you for all of three seconds, before you picked up the pace in an attempt to seem fully engrossed before allowing whoever to come in.

It was Kairi, who had brought you a plate with some toast on it.

“Hey…” The hesitation in her voice only served to create more bile in your throat.

“Good morning.” Your voice sounded far worse than you anticipated.

She held the plate in her hand, looking around, unsure whether or not to give it to you directly or set it down. She opted to just set it by you, fidgeting as she did so.

“You… you didn’t get hurt last night, right?” 

You shook your head, preoccupying yourself with folding a shirt so she wouldn’t see the shame in your eyes you were trying to conceal.

“I won’t ask you what you did, or why you did it…” she sighed, “but, we were all worried about you.” 

You halted your actions, feeling that pang of regret hit you deep in the chest. 

“Please, don’t do that again, okay?”

You nodded, unable to speak, and resumed packing once she shut the door. Too exhausted to cry at this point, you let out a sharp breath and stared at the floor.

You opened up the window and tossed the piece of toast outside, hoping the gulls outside would get more use out of it then you knew your uneasy stomach would.

++

The train ride was surprisingly worse than you imagined. The anti-nausea meds you took did little to quell your raging insides,so you curled up in your seat and pressed against the window. You were ready to spring into tears, but you fought against yourself. 

You laughed bitterly to yourself, remembering how similar you felt on the train to Twilight Town when you first moved. You thought of how much of a mistake moving really was, and how the others were going to think of you now that you had not only pinned yourself as the drunk, but as the emotionally unstable broad who has a chronic habit of running away.

You pressed your ear buds more firmly into your skull, hoping that somehow The Doors Greatest Hits playlist would ease the robust spring of self hatred that pooled inside you on the ride home.

You noted how no one else was sat around you. The others had gotten up to head to the breakfast area, and had, unsurprisingly, not asked you to join them.You made the most pitiful eye contact with Roxas and he scooted past you down the isle, then with Kairi who averted her eyes almost immediately, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

You sighed. Maybe this was how you deserved to be treated after everything. After that poor excuse of a vacation that only served to sever more ties than it was supposed to bond. You shuddered at the thought of how things with everyone would go once you returned to Twilight Town. 

You’d never been more apprehensive to get off a train than you were to get on. 

You turned the volume up on your phone, letting Jim Morrison’s voice soothe you into a sad excuse at sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading <3  



	9. you've got this look I can't describe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you have appeared to my life, feel like i'll never be the same_
> 
> boys, flowers, and misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god, please don't hate me I know how long this took to get here. thank you guys for putting up with my SHIT.
> 
> Also, this chapter...gets spicy. There's a warning for some smut, but like, barely, very brief...and it's not with who you think lmao. it's also probably not good but that's okay, we'll get more into it later on.

_ “Cloud...why did you come here?” Tifa’s eyes were wide with astonishment, a hint of sadness mixed within the reddish-brown hues. _

_ “Tifa, you know I couldn’t stay away.” Rain trickled down Cloud’s face, the droplets accentuating his perfect jawline, illuminated in the light of the lamppost outside. _

_ He pushed his way into her doorway, pressing his body into hers. _

_ A gasp left her lips as she pulled her hand from the door, her delicate fingers now tracing Cloud’s arm. _

_ “I...I love you.” Cloud’s voice was low in Tifa’s ear, barely audible above the pouring rain. _

_ Tifa’s eyes widened, her lips parted in shock. _

_ Cloud ran his thumb over her bottom lip, his gaze locked with hers. She brought her hands up, placing them around Cloud’s, her grip gentle, yet pleading. _

_ “Kiss me.” She breathed. _

_ Cloud moved closer toTifa, his body melding with hers and- _

“I hate this fucking movie.” You scowled. Stretching on the couch, you turned off your TV. You spared yourself the misery of watching the film once more, by now you’d lost track of how many times. “Who the fuck even talks like that anyway?” Your eyes hurt, you rubbed at your face, only making it worse. 

You sighed, grabbing a pillow and pulling it to your chest. Your lack of energy was almost astounding you at this point. 

You had, in a overexhuberant spell of self-hatred, boarded yourself in your apartment for the past month.

Okay, that was definitely a lie, it was a week, two at most since the beach, and since you had last spoken to anyone. 

You ignored your phone, deactivated all your social media, and asked Locke if he could up your hours at work, under the pretext that you “really just missed how wonderful a manager he was” and not that you wanted any excuse to be too busy to potentially see anyone.

Your phone went off, and you immediately went into fight or flight. It was just a spam email but your heart pounded in your chest so hard it hurt. You had to stop this. Your failed vacation had now properly scarred you for life. Unable to even feel your phone buzz without wanting to scream, it only sent you into full panic mode now.

Your first order of business was promptly removing yourself from the group chat once you got home and assuring yourself that it was probably easier to not see anyone's messages, rather than read their texts to one another, as if there wasn’t an elephant in the room. You were bored, sure, but you’d take that over making anyone else's life miserable, as well as your own. You were probably being melodramatic, as always, but perhaps this punishment on yourself was your way of self-healing, your way of trying to come back from such a terribly bad experience at the beach. 

Kairi had made it a point to try and call you once you had gotten home. She texted when you didn’t answer, called again, left a voicemail trying to tell you that she was sorry for everything that happened on the trip, on the train, that she wanted to see you. It annoyed you as much as it made you feel guilty. You didn’t want to see her, or listen to an apology, and after a few more calls, all you could do was text her to please stop.

You didn’t hear from her after that.

++

Work was so painfully slow that you had begun to think time was moving backwards. You swore the more you looked at the clock, the more the hands would hold themselves still, mocking you, taunting you. You had two customers during the first six hours of your shift and ripping your hair out wasn’t starting to sound half bad. 

Locke didn’t seem phased by how miserably the day dragged on, granted he had only come in for a few hours to do some paperwork, but regardless, his cheerful humming was about to make you feral.

“You seem tense.” His sing-songy tune bounced around the store, making your eye twitch in response.

You shook your head, organizing the ribbon for the 30th time that day.

“You wanna go home?” 

_ Yes. _“No.” 

He sighed, going back to his paperwork and his incessant humming. You were about to accidentally knock over something just so you could clean it up and have something to do when you heard the bell on the door jingle. _ Finally a fucking customer. _

“Welcome in.” You smiled, turning towards the door to see them.

At that moment, time really did stand still. He was one of the most beautiful people you’d ever seen. Yeah, you knew you thought that about nearly everyone, but you really meant it right now. The first thing you noticed about him was his hair, pinkish color and lots of layers, it was so pretty, like flower petals around his face. The next was his smile. It was barely noticeable, but it was there, and it made you melt when he greeted you back.

Locke stood up from his seat and walked over to him before you had the chance to say anything else, and his attention immediately shifted. The two of them seemed awfully familiar with each other, so you used this as an opportunity to stand back and stare at the vision of beauty in front of you.

You swore you had seen the man before. His demeanor struck something with you, something that told you you’d seen him in the store, presented an order to him, or something of the sort. Why you had never taken the chance to admire him before though was a mystery to you. 

He talked with Locke for several minutes, exchanging a handshake and quaint laughs, the kind shared among comrades who only saw one another on fleeting occasions. You watched the way the mystery man’s fingers pushed a strand of pink hair behind his ear. You imagined how soft it was, and how his fingers might feel pushing your hair behind your ear.

Locke’s voice woke you from your daydream, his laugh reverberated around the walls of the shop. 

_ Okay enough being creepy. _ You went back to organizing what you could, which was virtually nothing since you had already tidied the store near 100 times. But it gave you the chance to saunter around the shop, taking careful glances at the man as he hovered with Locke around the front counter, filling out what looked like an order form.

You tried not to make it obvious you were staring, and trying to walk with the perfect poise to accentuate your ass, hoping maybe he'd look back at you. But no such luck. You sighed, apparently asking for a small boost of confidence, like a stranger checking you out, was too much for the heavens to bless you with. 

The bell jingled, and when you popped your head up he was gone. 

“That was a customer I know, he used to come in here all the time. He placed an order that I’ll take care of tomorrow.” Lock grabbed his belongings from the back counter. 

“Oh, I thought they looked familiar.” You hoped you didn't make it too obvious to Locke you were staring, you didn't need him teasing you about that. 

He nodded. “Maybe you’ve helped him before or something. He was on a business trip for while.”

The shop quieted once again, and you grabbed the broom and dustpan from the back to take care of the final chore on your to-do list.

You didn’t mean to flinch when Locke touched your shoulder, you hoped he didn’t notice that either. “I’m heading out now. You gonna be okay to close up alone?” He looked as if he was internally deliberating something when he looked at you.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?" You bit at the inside of your cheek when you heard Locke sigh. You could already tell what he was going to say by how he looked at you.

“You’ve just … seemed a little off since you came back from your trip." _There it was._

You forced a smile, slight, but as believable as you could make it. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

Nodding once again, upholding the illusion that all was well and fine. “I guess I just miss the beach.”

Locke smiled, shaking his head slightly. His keys jingled in his hand and you felt a wave of relief. You knew he was right though. You had been off. Asking for more hours you had hoped would take any suspicious away, that you were kind of fucking miserable, but you knew it wouldn’t be long before the act crumbled. 

The rest of your shift had, unsurprisingly, dragged on. Locke’s concern did nothing but leave you alone in your thoughts, to continue to tell yourself things would’ve been better if you hadn’t taken the vacation invite, if you had stayed home, if you hadn’t moved here at all.

You could go home, get on your laptop and look at other towns. Maybe Locke could help refer you somewhere, help you get a job. You’d have to explain to him your reasoning for just suddenly getting up and moving, but you could surely make something up. You’d moved plenty of times in your life, it was your escape, figuratively and literally. Was that what you needed to do now?

Did you always need to run?

You counted the munny in the register, head buried in closing papers when you heard the familiar jingle of the door opening. You were about to tell whoever it was that you were closing, though your lips promptly quieted themselves when you saw who had just walked in.

A tickle of nerves traipsed down your back.

It was the man from earlier.

“Locke left, if that’s what you came back for. He went home a bit ago.”

The man chuckled, he waited for the door to close behind him before stepping closer to the counter. Your instincts were telling you two things; the first being this man waited for Locke to leave so he could come back when you were alone to rob the store, or two, so he could murder you. Both were not good, but this man was so devilishly handsome that if you _ were _about to die, to do so by the hands of a beautiful man wouldn’t be so terrible.

“Oh yes, I was aware he left.” 

_ Oh god, I really am going to die _. You hadn’t remembered ever counting the register that fast. You at least wanted to make sure the store wasn’t short any munny before you took your final breath.

You watched the man walk up to the mock bouquet on the counter, he traced his fingers along the peonies and you watched the fabric petals bend under his touch.

“Can I help you with something then… before I close?” You bit back your nerves, trying to maintain a professional demeanor even though you were clearly uneasy. You reassured yourself that you’d be okay, hopefully he was as non-threatening as he was good looking.

Even when his eyes met yours, he kept his fingers on the fake petals, drawing his index finger in slow back and forth movements. He smiled.

“If I may be so bold to say… you’re very beautiful.”

“T-thank you?”

“Why do you sound unsure?” He chuckled again, a little louder this time. You felt your face grow a few degrees warmer.

“I guess I’m not used to strange men coming in here at close to tell me that. Maybe you’re just saying that so I let my guard down so you can stab me.” Your bluntness surprised even yourself. Both of your eyes widened, you didn't mean for it to come out sounding so intense.

“My, you have a dark mind, don’t you?” He was still smiling, laughter still melding with his voice.

You shrugged. “I suppose. Just being cautious.”

“I think Locke would be rather disturbed if I harmed one of his employees, don’t you think?”

Would he? Maybe. You weren't sure but you didn't want to make a joke about it and come across as sounding even crazier to this man.

“Anyway...what did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t say, but it’s Marluxia.” He brought his hand out to you, intending for you to shake. 

You paused for a moment before you told him your name, taking his hand in a handshake that said “nice to meet you” but also “please tell me what you want and then go or whatever.”

He let his fingers drop from the mock bouquet, the came to rest neatly in front of him on the counter. “I came back to introduce myself to you. I’ve seen you in here before but never had the chance to properly speak with you.”

“I thought you looked familiar.” You tensed just a little under his gaze. You watch his lips turn into a charming grin. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Marluxia, but I need to close up my shop if you don’t mind.”

He nodded. “Of course, just wanted to make myself known to you. Though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in getting more acquainted.”

Now it was your turn to be shocked with his bluntness. “Is that so?”

“Is it.” With his hand on the door, he turned to give you a final look. “There’s a cafe on the corner street, I’m going there for a drink now. Feel free to come after you’re done, if you like.”

And with that, the door closed shut, and he vanished.

You let out the breath you’d been holding in since Marluxia walked in. _ What the fuck was that? _

You were still struck by the faint smell of flowers that you originally thought was just coming from around the shop, soon realizing it was him after he stepped away. A mixture of roses, sandalwood, and something sweet, you couldn’t quite place it. It smelled melancholy, albeit comforting.

Something about Marluxia interested you, despite the initial red flag that came up when he walked in. Besides the fact he was gorgeous, your tried to rack your brain about the other times in the shop you’d seen him. Maybe he’d been wanting to talk to you for a while now. It was probably going to your head, but you could use a handsome distraction for the night. He was certainly a better time than going home to absolute boredom and watching the same shitty romance movie for the 34th time in a row.

What would be the harm?

++

Your mind caught, for a split second, in the tragedy of the situation if you showed up and Marluxia wasn’t there, but as soon as you walked in, you saw his head of luscious pink hair waiting for you.

“You came.” He stood up as you walked over, pulling the chair across from him out for you to sit. There was a drink already waiting on a neat lace doily for you. _How gentlemanly._

“I sure did.” When you sat you exhaled another breath. Your nerves were still getting the best of you.

Your last chance encounter with someone new didn’t go very well. You prided yourself on being easy to talk to, easy to get along with, but now you were second guessing yourself on so much. Maybe you weren't as likable as your life thus far had led you to believe. 

When Marluxia asked you to tell him about yourself you stalled. 

“I’d rather learn about you,” you smiled, hoping to mask the thumping of your heart with the ice clinking in your glass, whatever he ordered for you was sweet, with a faint hint of lavender and a splash of raspberry. “You seem way more interesting.” In reality you just didn't want to disclose any information about yourself if you could help it, that didn't go very well for you the last time either.

He had no issue talking about himself though. You learned from your days as an escort, that this is what a lot of men enjoyed doing; telling women about their past and present endeavors, plans for the future, things they owned and how much money they could flaunt in someone's face. It made them feel attractive, worthy and important.

He told you of his home, his sister, his passion for flowers and all things beautiful. He listed to you his routines he followed, his favorite poets, and when a waitress came by to ask if you’d like another drink, he took the liberty of ordering for the both of you, not even a glance in your direction to check if what he ordered was okay. 

You went through your mental checklist, placing ticks by each one. Intelligence. Vanity. Cockiness. Check, check, and check.

He wasn’t bad to listen to though. He let you interject occasionally, but mostly you got on with just a nod of your head as you sipped at your drink. The taste of alcohol was deviously hidden, but you felt it tickle your chest after you finished the second drink. 

You often tried to hide how quickly you could put down a drink, especially on an outing with someone you deemed of a more “quality air” such as Marluxia. You’d take slower sips from your glass, add in some thoughtful conversation. But now, without the need to speak, you finished it quicker than you would’ve liked.

“I can get you another if you wish.” He gestured to the glass as you set it down on the doily, empty.

You held up a hand in protest. “No, thank you though.”

“Are you sure? I’m happy to buy you another or get you something to eat.”

His tone of voice was monotone, bland almost, but his smile was sincere as he held your gaze. You shook your head and told him again that was enough. He checked his watch on his wrist, sleek and black with a large face, a definite sign he had money.

“I suppose it is getting late.” He pulled some munny out from his billfold and set it on the table. “Thank you for meeting me.

Your face warmed in the curves of a smile. It wasn’t much of anything, but he got you out of your head space momentarily, and that was a much welcomed thing right now.

When he told you he’d like to see you again, you were aghast. You felt like you’d contributed nearly nothing to the whole evening besides providing a set of ears to listen to the man speak, but perhaps that’s really what he wanted. 

To you, his type was that of a man who liked to have someone to listen to, someone to be enamored by him. He was a new face, but had the mannerisms of so many you had seen before. He was a man of good taste though, you could say that for certain.

“What’s in it for me?” You were coy, looking up at him through your lashes. Why not test his intentions if he was so eager to show off to you. 

His expression grew mischievous. “I assure you I can make it worth your while.” 

He let you lead the way to the door, opening it for you to step out into the dusk air. You thanked him for the drinks and were about to turn and walk away when he caught your hand.

“Let’s meet again, tomorrow night.” Shocked, once again, at how soon he wanted to see you.

“I work, I close up the shop again.” You licked the corner of your lips, tasting some of the lavender from the drink still on your lips.

“Then after. I’ll come by to get you once you’re off.”

His thumb traced your hand, once, twice, before letting it go. Before you even had the chance to ponder the idea of him coming in for a goodbye kiss, he had already began to turn and walk away.

On your walk home you weighed the pros and cons of another date. Both were about equal in length, though not either was long. Another round of free drinks, free food, some company, the chance to escape your banal existence you’d placed yourself in. Even if he was a shallow date, you could handle that. You didn't mind seeing him again. It was decided the moment he said it at the cafe, your subconscious had already told you the answer, _ why not. _

++

You were a firm believer in Murphy’s Law, the idea that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Bad luck didn’t always loom over your shoulder per se, but you’d had enough instances in your life where you grew suspicious of something out there having it out for you. Your car running out of gas when you forgot your wallet at home, starting your period on a day you wore a white dress, things that seemed as if the world was saying“fuck you”. Tonight was one of those instances.

Work had run a little later than you had hoped, Marluxia insisted it wasn’t an issue, though you had felt bad about making him wait an extra 30 minutes to get the shop closed. You were still in a frazzled state when you walked with him to the cafe, and normally a drink would’ve eased your mind, and it did, until the incessant buzzing of your phone commanded your attention, only for you to wish that you hadn’t bothered looking at it. 

Roxas’ name flashed on your screen 

“Do you need to take that call?” Marluxia’s eyes followed yours as you tried to ignore it and set your phone back down.

“N-no, it’s okay. It can wait.” Your gin and tonic was gone in a fraction of a second, even to your own bewilderment. “Sorry, continue with your story.” But his words were a faded garble as you tried to find the logic in why Roxas of all people would be calling you.

Did he see you? Was he watching you right now while you were on your date? You fought the urge to look around, but Marluxia might grow suspicious of something being wrong. You’d die if you turned around to see Roxas standing there, or worse, see him standing there with Axel. Did it matter what you did with your personal life? Of course not, and usually you wouldn't care, but even the mention of Roxas was enough to make your hair stand on end.

You flagged the waitress down and asked for another drink, making sure to not interrupt Marluxia, but in dire need of something to take your mind off your phone buzzing again. Only twice though, _ a text _. 

“Let me silence my phone, so it doesn’t keep going off. Sorry.” One quick glance at your phone and your mind broke into fight or flight again.

** _We need to talk._ **

“You sure you don’t need to answer that?” Marluxia’s tone was a bit more firm now, and you couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or just concerned, so you curled your hand in a dismissive manner and smiled.

“Not at all, nothing that can’t wait until later. Please, go on.” The blush of embarrassment kissed your cheeks, and you leaned in, hoping to show Marluxia you were paying close attention, though your mind was anywhere but in his conversation.

Why in the hell would Roxas text you something like that? Maybe he really could see you right now. You expected the distance you immediately put between you and that group upon returning home to be enough of an indicator to them that you’d be out of their lives. You wouldn’t worry them anymore, not with what you were doing, where you were going, who you were with. 

When the waitress came to set your food and drink down on the table, you were jousted out of your stupor. Marluxia looked at you as you took a bite, as if waiting to hear your thoughts on the food, but your nerves didn’t allow you to enjoy the taste. You nodded appreciatively to him as he also took a bite of his own food.

“You know, I’m happy you decided to let me take you out. I thought you might object.” He dabbed at his face with his napkin, 

“Why’s that?” You were still in a slight daze. 

“Well, I imagined a beautiful girl like yourself would already have a suitor. I would’ve thought if I asked you out you may have to decline, if you were already seeing someone.”

It was truly amazing what compliments could do for your nerves. “Nope. I’m totally single. Lucky for you.” 

He let out a hum of amusement, taking a sip from his drink, never letting his eyes move away from yours. “Maybe I’d be lucky enough to have you accompany me home tonight.”

Your heart did a little flip. _ Oh fuck he’s propositioning me. This is so sudden. _

You didn’t give yourself the opportunity to overthink this. You’d done this on so many occasions, and Roxas’ text left you feeling perturbed to say the least. If you went home now, alone, you’d only stew over the matter more. 

You swallowed every ounce of unease down with the last sip of your drink. “I’d love to.”

++

Marluxia's house was incredibly clean, and smelled pleasantly of tuberose and orange blossom. You felt refreshed as soon as you entered. Everything was either white or mahogany, and he had the most intense floral arrangements you’d ever seen around his house. As many times as you had likened him to being a flower, you could see from his home you weren’t far off. You thought maybe if he had planned this in advance there would’ve been a trail of rose petals to the bed, and he would’ve had them rain gently on you from the ceiling as he let his head settle between your legs. 

The sex was good, actually really good if you were being honest. You weren’t sure what kind of lover Marluxia would be, but you were pleasantly surprised that your needs were taken care of more than once before he let himself be satisfied. 

In the morning, you found a faintly familiar ache between your thighs, one you missed after such a long period of not being with anyone. It was a good feeling, one that left you stretching and sighing in the white satin sheets you fell asleep in last night. Marluxia wasn’t anywhere in sight, but you could smell the faint aroma of tea wafting in through the door. 

You poked your head out of the bedroom, making sure you at least had yourself dressed in your undergarments, seeing Marluxia seated at the table, sure enough with a teapot and two cups.

“Good morning.” You smiled.

“Good morning. Join me, please.” His features were so soft in the morning glow, his pink hair danced around his cheeks, and he looked just as pristine as ever.

Rose and jasmine flooded your senses, and the warmth of the tea soothed every bit of your body. Marluxia smiled at you from across the table, sitting in a comfortable silence as you both drank your tea.

He took you in the shower after, easing himself into, bracing yourself on the shower door as he slowly thrust into you from behind. The warm water relaxed you even more in the comfortable bliss of a familiar intimacy you’d been missing. You felt a kindling build in your stomach, and as Marluxia’s thrusts became harder, so did your breathing, melting into a hard sigh as the inevitable flames of lust washed over your body.

“I have a dinner party I have to attend next week.” Marluxia held his hand out to help you balance as you slipped your shoes back on.

“Is it for work?” 

“It is. I’m on a guest list along with a plus one, but I don’t have anyone yet to accompany me.” When he wanted something, his features became catlike. You made a note of that, in case you’d be seeing more of it in the future.

“Is this an invite I’m hearing?” You matched his sly look. He nodded and you traced the curve of his jawline down his neck, to his collarbone, his skin still looking warm after the passionate shower you both shared.

“I’m afraid I don’t have anything to wear.” Playful at most, and you were by no means expecting him to do what he did next, but how could you refuse?

He reached for his wallet off the counter, and walking back towards you, pulled out a weighty bit of munny. “I’m sure you’ll look beautiful in anything you wear.” Placing it into your hand, he pressed a small kiss to your forehead and opened the front door. “I've called a cab for you.”

You leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, feeling a childlike giddiness wash over you. You thanked him twice, trying to hide your beaming smile in favor of matching his nonchalant nature, though you couldn’t help but laugh as you bid him farewell. You’d text him. He gave you one final small wave before you left.

As you got into the cab and told the driver your address, you looked at the munny still tucked into your palm. 

_ This _ was also a familiar feeling you had definitely missed.

++

You phone died the previous night at Marluxia’s and you didn’t bother to charge it, so when you got home and plugged it in, you were flooded once again with the sense of dread at seeing not only the missed call from Roxas, but a few other notifications from him that were awaiting you. 

It was now or never. Taking a sharp inhale you opened your inbox and read the messages.

** _We need to talk._ **

** _I’m serious._ **

** _I know you’re avoiding me and everyone but just let me talk to you for fucks sake._ **

** _Please..._ **

You could practically hear his voice through his texts, the distress washing over you and the bile you felt creep into your throat last night once again wormed its way into your mouth, salting your tongue.

You held your phone in your palm, staring blankly at the messages. You didn’t even feel your fingers move as you typed.

**I don’t think we need to talk.**

You set your phone down on your nightstand and shed all your clothes, getting into bed. You were thankful it was your day off so you could rest and stress about what Roxas wanted in peace without having to help customers or listen to Locke at the same time. 

You flirted with the idea of taking a nap, your body still in a mild state of exhaustion though your mind was racing. 

You were nearing a state of unconsciousness when your phone buzzed, your hand shooting out from under the covers to grab it even though you were in a slight haze.

** _Yes we do. There’s things I need to say to you, and I’m sure you probably have some things you want to say to me too._ **

You scoffed. Did he really have the audacity to think you wanted to say anything to him after how poorly he treated you? 

**I don’t have anything I want to say to you. I think you made yourself clear to me at the beach house.** ** **

You stared at your message for a moment after sending it, thinking maybe you had been a bit harsh, but then you remembered the way his voice sounded when he called you a fuck up as you struggled to make it into the house the final night. You could still taste your tears and the way they made your hair stick to your face.

And of course how he so casually told Axel your entire backstory when you so desperately tried to keep it away from him. You had no idea who else he told, or who Axel may have told, but you were frankly past the point of caring what they thought about you. The friendships were severed regardless of if they knew or not.

His reply flashed before you could set your phone down, you pleaded to the sky to let the conversation be done.

** _Let me talk to you. In person. Please._ **

When you didn’t reply for a few minutes another message came through.

** _I close the cafe tonight. Come by at 8 and we can talk, please._ **

You were too sleepy and too irked to give him the satisfaction of an answer. It angered you that now he wanted to talk, even though you knew it would probably end poorly if you did.

On the other hand, there was a part of you that wanted to hear what he had to say. A part of you that wanted this to be the last thing he said to you, if that's what needed to be done in order to just move on.

If this was the final step towards closure, you’d hear Roxas out. But for now, you wanted sleep. You set your alarm to allow you an hour nap while the post sex exhaustion from earlier lulled you to sleep.

++

You already had a headache thinking of all the shit Roxas could potentially say to you. Your troubled mind didn’t allow you the pleasure of getting ready in peace, and you were so distracted that you had accidentally let your hair dip into your oatmeal you ate after your nap, and nearly cracked your nail on the bathroom drawer. You told yourself you’d use some of the money Marluxia gave you for a much deserved mani and pedi later. 

The tram ride didn’t give you much comfort either, you could see the cafe in the distance and the closer you got, the more you felt your stomach threatening to fall right out of your ass. 

When you tripped while getting off the tram you pulled yourself to the side to allot yourself a moment to calm down. You were getting excessively worried for someone who had just gotten a good dicking, and essentially gotten paid for it. You should be feeling good! Even if things with Roxas didn’t go well (and you knew they wouldn’t) you could ease right back into solitude after. You could go back to work, watch shitty romance movies, and have a potential fuck buddy who took you on dates.

You stepped into the cafe a few minutes before 8, anticipating the worst.

As soon as you walked in, your eyes connected with Roxas’, and his composure seemed to instantly disappear. He looked like he was about to drop the glass in his hand, but instead he turned around and gently placed it into the sink.

“Did someone come in? I heard-” You knew the voice before you could see them walk out of the back. Riku saw you and you could audibly hear the soft “oh” that his mouth formed. He looked between you and Roxas, who still had yet to turn back around from the sink. You took that as your cue to go have a seat, and found a spot in the corner, as far away from the front as you could.

“You good if I clock out?” You could hear the discomfort in Riku’s voice. He wanted to go as much as Roxas wanted him to stay. You felt your skin crawl, regretting your decision to come here. How was Roxas even going to talk to you if he couldn’t even look at you?

Riku gave you a small nod as he headed out the front door, turning the open sign off as he left. Once the door shut, your leg began to involuntarily shake with nerves. This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was-

“Come sit over here.”

Roxas had finally turned back around, facing you and pointing to the bar stools in front of the counter. You watched as he took off his apron, getting up from your corner seat with a huff and dreadfully making your way over to him.

He followed your lead when you sat down, though he still insisted on facing forward even if you were turned to look at him. The silence was deafening in the cafe. You stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to speak. Outside, you heard a couple laughing as they walked by.

“So…” You began. It seemed to take a few moments before Roxas even took a breath.

He gave you a quick glance, before looking forward again. “Do you… want something to drink?”

You shook your head. What you wanted was for this to be over, you could still barely get your legs to stop shaking and it was beginning to piss you off. 

You waited. Roxas opened his mouth as if to say something but promptly shut it. His leg seemed to be doing the same shake as yours, and you could visibly tell he was just as nervous as you.

After another pause you decided to take the lead. “Just tell me what you wanted to say so I can hurry up and cry about it and move on with my life.”

That got him to look at you. His eyes regarded you with sadness, and you could tell you had struck something in him. “I didn’t tell you to come so I could make you cry…”

You stared at him, a signal for him to keep talking because this was his idea. Not yours.

He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m gonna start by saying sorry. So… I’m sorry.” He said your name as if he was addressing a letter to a woman whose husband died in the war. 

“I was an asshole on that trip, and I feel like I can’t make that up to you, but I at least wanted to tell you that I know I fucked up.”

_ You were _. You wanted to say, but for now you chose your words carefully. “Why did you tell Axel the things I told you in secret?”

He bit his lip. You watched his hand bunch into a semi fist as his eyes darted everywhere but your face.

“It was fucked up, you know? Just tell me why.” You prodded at him.

He tilted his head back again in another heavy sigh, and finally turned to face you. He was struggling to hold eye contact with you when he said it.

“_I_ was afraid he’d take you from me.”

You were confused. When your mouth opened in mild surprise you hid it by asking what he meant.

“I thought that if I told Axel all these things about you… things that you confided in me about, he’d think we were close, and he’d back off so...,” his face scrunched like he was in agony, “_so I could have you_."

It was like the glass shattered. It was like the floor gave out from under you. It was like you were falling in a dream but didn’t wake up before you hit the ground. Roxas knew, the way he turned back from you to face away.

“You...told him so you could have me? So Axel would stay away from me?”

Roxas face scrunched up again, his head dipped down so low that you could barely see that he nodded. You felt your tongue swell with rage, your head felt dizzy, but you tried to hold your composure.

“Do you...do you know how to get people to like you? Because fucking up their lives isn’t the way.” You heard him sigh again, and you watched as his fist turned itself white with pressure. “Roxas I told you those things with the thought you’d keep them to yourself. Then you try to kiss me to get your friend to back off? I don’t get it.”

He still said nothing. You watched his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths, and you were too focused on him to know that you were doing the same.

“Say something or I’m leaving.” You moved your leg off the bar stool to get up.

“No.” He halted you. Partially turned back to you, he gazed painfully at your face. “I-I liked you. A lot.”

Once again, you sat and waited for him to go on. The silence between the two of you deafening and you anticipated his next words. “I still do.”

You were about to say something in protest when Roxas cut you off, his face now frantic.

“I liked you, and I knew Axel did too. We all knew, the way he talked about you and stuff. He wasn’t over his ex though, and I know that because he always told Xion and I. He wasn’t ready to move on, he didn’t think he could, but he liked you.” He swiped at his bangs, running his fingers through his hair, his cheeks were starting to get red.

“I… I was jealous, and worried because I knew you liked Axel. We all knew that too.” His leg bumped yours, he muffled out a soft apology before adjusting himself on the seat. 

“I thought, if I could just get Axel to know that I was interested in you or something, maybe he’d just focus on Isa and it wouldn’t be an issue. I… I realized after trying to kiss you how fucked up that was, and I was angry with myself. I couldn’t stop myself though, I felt like I was losing to him and I couldn’t stand it. Then everything spiraled into this mess, and it doesn’t even matter because now I fucked everything up.”

Your mouth felt like a desert it was so dry. You were so stunned that even forming a sentence seemed like too much to handle. “You did all of that… so you could stop Axel from liking me?”

Roxas couldn’t look at you. He couldn’t answer your question. He could only just sit with his head down.

“I left Traverse Town so I could forget that part of my life,” you began, your rage palpable. “I wanted to escape and come here and start over. I told you those things because I felt like I could trust you, and what do you do? You betray my trust and conspire against not only me, but your fucking friend as well.”

Roxas turned to you, exasperated. He opened his mouth to speak but you stopped him, you weren’t done.

“If you had an issue with me liking someone, or someone liking me, or whatever the fuck, you should’ve maybe talked to us first. Not done everything you could to make my life miserable.”

“You didn’t talk to us either…” It was faint but loud enough for you to hear it. You slammed your hand on the counter, causing Roxas to flinch, even his eyes seemed to shake with fear.

“I talked to you, and look where that fucking got me.” 

You were so hot with anger you could feel the heat radiate off you. Suddenly it was scorching in the cafe and you could think of nothing else than shoving Roxas head in the ice machine and using his frozen brain matter to cool yourself down.

You had heard about all that you could stand. When you got up from your seat this time, Roxas didn’t make any protest. 

“The next time you want to ruin someone’s life, take an extra second to think it over, okay?” 

You could hardly tell, but Roxas nodded. 

Your head pounded and your heart felt like it was about to erupt. “I hope you apologized to Axel too. If not you should probably go see him and do that now, you owe it to him.”

Roxas’ body shifted slightly, moving towards you but still unable to look at you as you approached the door. “He’s… visiting Isa.”

He could only turn to face you after you walked out the door, watching the bell above the door shake with your exit, the breath he exhaled drowning out the jingling.  
  


You cried so hard on your way home that someone stopped to ask if you were okay. If you hadn’t already felt like you died of a broken heart, you would’ve died from embarrassment on the spot.

++

While most people use the shower as a safe space to cry and let out all their feelings, you used it as your shelter to drink yourself stupid. You flung your clothes off at the door, letting your bag and phone clatter to the floor and kicking your sandals off in a huff. You turned the shower water on the highest setting it could go, bringing the chilled bottle of bourbon in with you, the juxtaposing temperatures sending a small shiver down your spine.

The taste burnt your tongue, and you replaced the sick feeling in your stomach with something warm and tingly, choosing to numb yourself to any semblance of human emotion. Your eyes burnt, so you closed them, letting the hot water spill down your face and the cold drink spill down your throat. Eventually your sobs turned into sluggish laughter, and the temperature of the water grew colder and colder until you couldn’t stand it anymore. 

You didn’t make it into your bed that night, nearly falling out of the shower, unable to keep your head balance with your head spinning so much.

When you woke in the morning you found yourself lying naked on the rug in your living room. Your eyes ached when the sunlight came through the curtain, but you couldn’t move to get up to shut it. Instead you curled yourself into a ball, feeling the tears prickle at the corner of your eyes once again. 

_ He’s visiting Isa. _

Roxas words echoed in your mind. You struggled to believe if what Roxas told you last night was real, or simply a shitty alcohol-induced nightmare. You were so emotionally wounded that it was making your body physically hurt, probably because you were hungover too, but nonetheless. You had no idea what came next. Was this the point where you would finally move on? Maybe this was the rain before the rainbow. _ Yeah right _.

Pulling yourself up from the floor, you checked the time, you had a few hours before you had to be at work still, though you could barely stand the thought of going in after how fucked you felt.

You called Locke, crossing your fingers he would show you some mercy and allow you the day off. As soon as you heard his voice, you sniffled. 

“Hey, what’s up?” You could sense the small bit of concern in his voice, wiping at the tears that started to fall down your cheeks.

“Hey I, I-I just… I feel kind of sick.” You bit back your tears as hard as you could, but when Locke said your name over the receiver you lost it. Your voice cracked and the tears gushed. 

“Are you okay?” 

“No.” 

He let you take the day off without question after that. You made a mental note to make it up to him somehow, but for now the only thing on your mind was getting into bed and getting some actual sleep.

Your bleary eyes scanned the notifications on your phone, half expecting to see something from Roxas, or Marluxia, or anyone. There was nothing. You fell into bed, pulling the covers over your bare skin and letting your tired eyes lead you into sleep.

++

Marluxia only mentioned to you that the dinner was a semi-formal occasion and that he’d pick you up at your apartment. He mentioned nothing about what he did for work, or anything of the sort. You tried to guess, picturing him in different professions, and you should’ve guessed that it had something to do with floriculture, seeing as how the guy was obsessed with the things.

He was part of a big floral marketing business, overseeing flower/plant breeding, distribution, and all matter of floral design. You were fascinated really by all of it, seeing as how you were essentially a minuscule part of that too with your job as a very small time florist. No wonder he and Locke were friends. Marluxia explained to you some of the ins and outs on your ride to the event. He talked a lot, and was so precocious, but you liked listening to him so you didn’t mind. His voice sounded nice and you could fade in and out of his monologues without needing to exert much energy into the conversation.

“You look gorgeous tonight.” His hand slid up your bare thigh, stopping once it hit the hem of your dress. The munny he so generously gave you went towards a nice little outfit, a dress you had admired in the window of a high-end boutique and a pair of strappy heels to match. At a stoplight you watched the way his eyes flitted over your curves, a hungry look.

You appreciated the simplicity of what you had with Marluxia, which was essentially nothing right now other than something for him to have as company and to fuck at the end of the day. You laughed at yourself because he felt much more like a client than a fuckbuddy, free food and drinks, money to buy yourself things with. It was a sweet set up really, and he was a good distraction from any painful emotion you had endured lately. 

You sat before the mirror in your apartment, before Marluxia picked you up, and told yourself as you put your lipstick on, that if Axel still loved his ex, then you weren’t going to have a chance anyway. Maybe it was for the better he was seeing Isa, you could use this time for some personal growth, and maybe score some more cash from flower boy.

++

You understood the extent of Marluxia’s wealth not in how nice his apartment was, not in the type of car he drove, but in the scale of the event center that was rented out for the occasion, to which Marluxia told you he helped foot most of the bill for. It excited you to be attending something like this, even if you essentially were just arm candy for the guy. 

And you were. You met several people who worked with him in the industry, shaking hands, smiling, giving your name. Marluxia was kind enough to at least tell people that you were also part of the floral industry, even on a lower scale, and you were handed a few business cards from higher ups. You didn’t intend to do anything with them, but it made you feel special to receive them. Occasionally Marluxia would reach out arm for you to hold, and whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you mingled with different groups of people. 

You ran into Locke partway through the night, he seemed astonished that you were here, with Marluxia no less. You gave him a sheepish grin, and Marluxia immediately took hold of the conversation, he and Locke laughing about trivial things which you hardly paid attention to. When another member of the event walked by to speak with him, Locke turned towards you, his gaze hardening for a moment.

“Are you okay?” He whispered, sounding like he did on the phone the other night.

You nodded, your hands still on Marluxia’s arm.

“If there’s a problem, you can tell me."

You laughed as demure as you could. “I took care of the problem. I’m better now that I’m here.”

Locke looked to you a moment longer before his expression softened. Marluxia had finished speaking to the other guest and turned back to the two of you.

“You be good to her okay?” Locke patted Marluxia on the shoulder before walking away. 

You wondered for a moment if Locke was suspicious of you now. You had told him of your date with Marluxia and initially he didn't make much of a fuss over it, he simply laughed and told you to watch out. Was he worried Marluxia was the one who had you so upset?

You were woken from your thoughts when a gentle hand tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, you looked up to see Marluxia smiling down at you.

  
  


When it was dinner time, you sat at a grand table among some notable names in the industry. Your anxiety flared, but you’d done things like this before, so you folded your napkin neatly in your lap and thanked yourself for never forgetting the difference between your salad fork and your dinner fork. 

You watched with admiration the way Marluxia spoke, he captivated others when he did and it made you blush. All the attention was on him, and he had such a commanding yet charming presence that nearly everyone around him seemed mesmerized. Like he had put some sort of spell over them. You giggled, he really was something.

During desert you grew slightly bored, Marluxia had been busy talking most of the night, and the most excitement you had was when the woman next to you, head of some marketing branch, leaned over to you to tell you how lovely your dress was and to show you a picture of her husband and her on vacation in the mountains. You nodded politely but would be lying if you said you weren’t a little ready for Marluxia’s attention to be on you. You looked towards him, busy in conversation with some executive. You placed your hand on his leg, sliding it up higher and higher, mimicking how he did to you in the car. You stopped momentarily, keeping everything as slow as you could as to not alert anyone else what you were doing. Once you reached his crotch, you traced your finger over the zipper of his dress pants. Your eyes watched his face intently, looking for any sign of a falter in his expression as he continued to chat, as if unaware of your existence. Then he smirked, faint, but you noticed. His hand brushed yours under the table, and you licked your lips, tasting bits of caramel from the cake that was served. You licked them again, and again, savoring the sweetness and the unbeknownst calm before the storm.

++

Marluxia let you scamper off on your own for a bit after dinner. You found your way to the ladies room to freshen up while he met with some board members, not wanting to be any more of a distraction while he talked business. You adjusted your hair, rolled a bit of perfume on your wrists, and made sure your boobs were pushed up a little higher in your dress. You brought out your phone from your clutch to check the time when you were bombarded with an onslaught of notifications. Texts and calls from Roxas, and a message from Kairi as well. You felt your brain start to short circuit at how suddenly all this came at you. Thinking you should just put your phone away and not pay any mind to the shit storm, inevitably your curiosity got the better of you. 

You checked the texts from Roxas first, messages asking for you to answer his calls, call him back, hear him out again. You rolled your eyes. What more could he possibly have to say? You ignored those in favor of opening Kairi’s text. 

It was a message that normally you wouldn’t have had such an adverse reaction to, but you hadn’t heard from her in so long, and the message was so brief that you felt a stream of panic course through you. But when the words lit up your screen, you felt a pit form in your stomach.

** _I’m sorry._ **

You hit the call button immediately. And when Kairi’s voice came over the other end, your frazzled words made little sense.

“Why, what? What, what are you sorry for?” You stuttered so hard you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from doing it again.

She paused. What was a few seconds felt more like a year and when you said her name over the receiver, you heard her sigh.

“Did you… did you not see?”

“See what? Where? If you mean social media I don’t use that anymore. Is that what?” You were becoming unhinged the more she kept you in suspense.

Silence once again. You were about to scream. 

“Kairi. What. Are. You. Talking. About?”

“Axel got back together with his ex.”

Everything around you went white.

You’d never hit the end call button faster in your life. You didn’t even give yourself time to process what she had said, you didn’t allow the reality of her words hit you. You excited the bathroom and headed straight for the cocktail bar. You could feel your phone buzz in your hand, stuffing it into your purse before you had the chance to think about Kairi calling you back, apologizing again, asking if you wanted to talk about it.

You didn’t.

You wanted to be preoccupied with as many drinks as you could get right now, which unfortunately the bartender would only allow you two. You grabbed two martini’s and slammed them down faster than you ended the call with Kairi. 

You were about to beg the bartender for more drinks, despite the appalled looked on his face, but you felt a hand on your shoulder. You knew it was Marluxia from the gentleness of his touch, and the fact you could smell his floral cologne wafting around your face.

“Thank god you’re here.” You whirled around to face him.

His expression hardened for just a moment, sensing your exasperation. He stared in your eyes, reading the emotions that you couldn’t yet accept.

“Are you ready to go, darling?”

You nodded, swallowing down the lump that was starting to form in your throat.

Marluxia didn’t ask what was the matter, though you knew he could sense something was wrong. Truth be told, you were glad he didn’t ask. You didn’t want to talk about it, much less think about it. You distracted yourself on the drive back to your apartment by leaning as close to him as you could, trailing your fingers down his chest, tracing little circles along his arms. At a red light you stretched yourself in your seat, planting small kisses along his neck. His skin felt warm against your lips, the smell of roses and birchwood tickling your senses.

You exhaled a soft, warm breath on his ear, feeling the goosebumps cross his skin. 

“_When we get back to my place I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t walk_.”

He drove a little faster then. 

++

As soon as you closed the door to your apartment, his hands were all over you. He didn’t let you undress yourself, pulling at your zipper, the dress falling down over your hips, dragging his hand over your slit, his mouth over your chest. 

His lips were hot on your skin, pinning your arms by your sides. He nipped at your collar bone, your breath coming out in tiny pants as your thighs ached with want.

You tumbled into your bed, Marluxia’s hair brushing your face as he fell on top of you. He laved open mouthed kisses down your neck, your groans edging him on more. You ran your hands over his shoulders, fingers dug into his pink locks as he pulled your panties down, working one, two fingers inside of you. The pace he set making you melt into the sheets.

You didn’t have the chance to be sad about Axel with Marluxia’s tongue pressing into you. The only tears you shed were from the sheer bliss of overstimulation. When he entered you, you thought for a moment about what Kairi said, you thought about the urgency of Roxas’ texts, you thought about how everything would be a little different if the guy pushing himself inside of you was Axel instead. You would’ve thought a bit more, but the white hot bliss of release washed over you, and all thoughts after that were lost to the void.

  
  


In the morning you woke up to Marluxia putting on his clothes, the bed dipping as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“You’re leaving?” You yawned.

“Yes.” He motioned next to the bed as he finished buttoning up his shirt. “But I left you some munny for coffee and breakfast on the nightstand.” You rubbed your eyes and nodded, thanking him. 

He was gone a few moments later. You leaned over, still wiping the sleep from your eyes, to see another handsome stack on munny left for you. You sighed, hearing the faint noise of a car starting up outside. 

And then, once again, you found yourself alone, tears returning once more to prickle your eyes. 


End file.
